I feel absolutely shitty. Two days ago i thought i decided to go sober, last night I hung out with a friend and we ended up at the bar where i ended up black out drunk and using coke again, brought someone home from the bar and I can’t even remember if I slept with them or not. Called off from work today and spent the entire day laying in bed feeling guilty and hung over. Why is it every time I tell myself i’m going to stop I keep ending up in the same place. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for me to just stop and do better for myself.
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I was really confused about that too. So many days, waking up hung over and in dread, I promised I would stop. And I was drinking by 4 pm.
I found out I did it because I am an alcoholic, obsessed with the booze whether I’m drinking or not. Thinking about it, fantasizing about good times in the past with it, hoping for better times with it ahead, all the time it’s on my mind.
I drank against my will because I did not have the power to not do it. I stopped when I started taking actions every day to keep sober. Taking action changed my attitude that there was nothing I could do about my drinking - I was doing something and it was working. Whatever a person’s motivation is, whatever experience they have or have not had, once a person starts doing different, then they start thinking different and feeling different and being different.
You can get sober and you deserve a full, peaceful, happy, sober life. Blessings on your house 
as you begin your journey.
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I promise itll get better. Ive done the merry go round so many times. “Decide” to get sober. Drink, sober, drink, sober, drink. I knew i had a problem and im an alcoholic. I was never a daily drinker, only binge, but when i did binge, all bets were off. Black out. Laws broken. Regrets made. Every time i quit, then drank again the drinking got worse. I got my 2nd DUI, 5 years a part. Its got worse and worse in those 5 years. So many times waking up and feeling like you, but once the dust settled and i felt happy again, id drink again. 46 days ago i got that 2nd DUI. Today im 45 days sober. I lost my job. Had to tell my 8 year old son and ex wife. I had to wake up in that police cell. Hating myself. Not seeing a way forward. Overawed. 6 days after losing my job, i got another. It isnt being an engineer, which i am, and the pay isnt as good, but it pays the bills. Its alright place to work and im grateful. My son has got his head round things and my ex wife has been brilliant. Friends and family are rallying round me. Life is on the up. I have a 3 year driving ban and 150 hours community service to do. But 1 day at a time, my life is getting better. But life getting better, keeping a job, still seeing my son and people helpimh me is all dependant on me not drinking. Youve gotta want it and make a decision. I obviously didnt want it enough and didnt make a whole hearted decision, and it took for me to go to the depths to stop. This is most sober ive been in over 10 years. I hope youre ok, and things will get better, but you have to make a decision and not drink. Other than that, dont be hard on yourself. Treat yourself like you would a friend who you love if they were feeling like you do. Take care and all the best. X
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You can’t do this by yourself, none of us managed it, you need help.
The Forum is a great place to start, talking to people who really understand what you’re going through.
There’s so much content, advice and support it really amazing.
Whilst TS is a good recovery tool it isn’t the whole shebang.
There are plenty of recovery programs out there, but AA was the first and it got me sober in 2004 and I’ve maintained that sobriety through it.
Give a recovery program a go, it might just help and you will build a local support network.
Please reach out to me (IM) and I’ll give all the support I can.
Take care of yourself and don’t pick up that first drink, that’s the one that gets you pissed not the 10th or 11th.
&
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