That’s exactly what I was thinking! She is one of the “decisions” (choosing to be her friend), that causes me stress. I don’t have time for high maintenance friends. I work full time and have a husband and a household to manage. I would like friends that understand that I need space sometimes and don’t make me feel guilty (for doing nothing except not responding)! 
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Sometimes “it is what it is”. 
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True that!!!
I have been on both sides of this coin so let me give you some perspective…I had a close girlfriend get sober about 8 or so years ago when I was actively drinking (very heavily I might add) and I took it very badly. We were close. But when we were together, we were raging. She was having marital problems and decided to give it all up to try and save her marriage (which she did by the way 
) At the time, I pretended to be happy for her but deep, deep down I was very upset. She was basically dumping me and because of my wet ass brain I couldn’t see past my own selfish feelings. I was mad at her. I didn’t understand what the problem was. I felt like she thought she was better than me…All “ high and mighty” bitch 
She probably thought the same of me as you do of your friend right now. But she never gave up on me. She never stopped answering or picking up the phone to just check in and see how I was doing. She was always my friend, just from afar. I’ll spare you all the details but to this day she is one of my very best friends. 15 years and counting. She was the first friend I broke down to when I decided to stop drinking. It all just poured out. That day she hugged me close, she read me her testimony and told me about Celebrate Recovery. She is a blessing to me and I’m so great full she saw the true value in me even in the state I was in.
I am now in that same situation. I am trying to save myself as well as my marriage and the strain it’s placed on certain friendships has been made clear. I now see it from the other side and realize how hard it must have been for her to watch me self destruct all these years. To see the pain you once suffered in them, knowing damn well you can’t help someone who isn’t willing to help themselves. It’s an utterly humbling experience. So in this situation, I would choose grace. 
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Thank you for your feedback! This is very inspiring to me. She knows she has a problem and tried quitting once and that lasted 6 months. Her sister is sober three years. Her and I have had endless nights of drinking together and many laughs, but many disappointments too and stupid decisions made together. We are the same age, 38. I just feel like I’ve been at this since I was 14 and it didn’t seem like any end in sight was coming soon. I’m in a similar situation, my husband has had enough and after 9 years of marriage he asked me one last time to get sober or he’s out. He is 42 and he just doesn’t have the patience or energy to deal with my drunk nights and shenanigans anymore. I explained this to her. I told her my life is at stake, my home, my livelihood etc. it’s a big deal. I have a lot to lose if I lose him. He is my best friend and we’ve been together since I’ve been 23. I don’t take this lightly. She should have some compassion, but I feel like she doesn’t. She isn’t in a relationship and lives with roommates (not trying to diminish her life at all) just letting you know we are in different situations where she doesn’t have to be accountable to anyone. I’m just going to take it easy and let things take the course they need to take.
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Sounds eerily familiar 
I’m 35 and have been drinking since I was 15-16…once it hit my lips I was a goner. My girlfriend is a few years older than me (she will be 40 in a few days) and we partied hard for many years before she got sober. We had many good times together, but so many nights of crazy blackouts I shutter a bit just reflecting back. When she decided to quit it was not just for herself, but for her husband who was even worse off than she was. They had to do it together and she was definitely leading the way. She eventually explained it to me but in my head I couldn’t truly understand it…I was not in a place where I questioned my own drinking so I didn’t know why anyone else would. So I wasn’t supportive. I was mad. Not because I was a shitty person, but because I was a very sick person. And even though we remained friends for all these years, we did have our problems the first several years she got sober. I was upset with her, she was upset with me…but we got passed it somehow. I’m not telling you this in a way as to say, “this girl belongs in your life.” That’s absolutely not what I’m saying. Anyone who openly doesn’t support your recovery doesn’t deserve to have an active role in your life. You need to focus on yourself and the obstacles you will have to face, but maybe one day you will be her inspiration proof that a better life is possible. She may not be showing you that right now but she is still a very sick person. She isn’t there yet but that doesn’t mean that she won’t get there some day 
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Thank you for sharing by the way 
it’s so wonderful to open up to someone who truly understands. Wishing you all the best on your journey, by the sounds of it you’re doing great
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Maybe in the future she will want to be sober also. Then you will know how to help her.
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Thank you so much! Your words offer me so much hope and relief on the situation. You shed a very positive light on this.
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Thank you. I’m can be very outgoing but at the same time very private and keep many things to myself. That is why this forum is so incredibly helpful for someone like myself. I can be very open and honest here and don’t feel judged. It’s nice. As you can tell from just this text, I tend to attract people that are constantly judging me and pointing out my flaws. I think it’s because I come across as a very strong person to everyone so they feel they can talk to me in any way (I bottle my emotions and always keep a poker face), but this shit hurts. I’m human. I cry, I have emotions and I’m actually quite vulnerable contrary to what I try to portray in my everyday life.
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Very true. I feel like I’m actually becoming a leader in a way to my group of friends. Every single one is an alcoholic, my whole social life revolves around our local bar. People still can’t believe that I’m doing this and I know they are secretly placing bets behind my back. It’s ok. It’s only making me stronger. I miss my routine. But I have had periods of sobriety before but it never sticks. They know I can do it, they just don’t have hope in me being able to do it for a really long time (over 6 months is considered and eternity in my circle).
I feel maybe this is my calling. (Like Neo in The Matrix- Hahahah) Maybe I’m here to do the steps and put in the work necessary to lead by example and inspire others, eh, maybe not. But it helps to tell myself all sorts of crazy stuff to keep me from picking up that bottle again.
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A 12 step group might help also. Worth looking into Neo?
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I have found that my sobriety definitely gets others thinking. That is a good thing IMHO. My husband, who still drinks, is 100% more cognizant and working his own process now.
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I am so private (and prideful ) myself and find this forum to be such a positive outlet for me. I can’t write a short post to save my life because as soon as I start to write, it all wants to spews out 
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I’ve been pondering this one for a while af the text kinda pissed me off (for you)
I see two things in those few sentences.
- She’s giving you the opportunity for you to dump her…basically you end up the bad guy for the breakup.
- If you choose not to break up with her and you relapse…we’ll that’s your fault because she warned you that sober wasn’t her lifestyle and you didn’t have to continue hanging out with her.
Either way she’s manipulative and setting it all up so that she isn’t the bad guy.
Edited to add: This doesn’t mean that you can’t be friends with people who drink…my husband drinks and I’m not divorcing him over that. It’s just that she seems willing to toss you aside for NOT drinking and I think that’s shitty.
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I agree, I’ve been going to meetings and started reading the big book.
I agree @VSue! It’s just a cruel way to approach me or anyone really. It seems very mean and I would never make her or anyone feel the way she made me feel. I read this this morning and fits right in line to how we both think about the situation.
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I hope this text for you isn’t a reservation all of the responses that you got from your post are suggestions from people who have your best interest at hand. Overthinking things was one of my shortcomings if I keep it simple focus on my recovery and take those suggestions help me build strength and understanding that I need to maintain my sobriety remember we have to rely on a power greater than ourselves so just try to practice some suggestions and see how that works for you