You’re only fooling yourself bro. You’ll see what I mean in a few years from now if you continue to drink.
It sounds like a lot of times when you drank it turned out poorly. Nothing will change. You will probably have nights when you are fine. Then you will probably have nights where you black out and fight with your husband. Then you might even have a night where, in a blackout, you get so mad at your husband that you storm out of the house and drive away. As you are speeding down the street you completely miss a stop sign and t-bone a car. You kill all 3 occupants inside. So if that risk is worth drinking again I say go for it.
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I would love to hear your distinction between a drunk and an alcoholic?
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I was a non-drinker by choice, through much of my 20s. Then, a 30, my first marriage fell apart, and I did single as singles do, which included drinking. I quickly became a heavy drinker, and at times I definitely abused alcohol. This went on for the next 20 years, which included meeting and marrying my wife. I was a heavy drinker who occasionally abused alcohol. I noticed (and my wife and some close friends noticed) the “occasional” was becoming more frequent. But I did well at my job, and I kept up with my responsibilities. What they didn’t know, and what I refused to admit, was I had become a high functioning alcoholic. They didn’t know about the drinks on the drive home, or the bottle I kept stashed in my workshop. But I knew.
I did the short quits, for Lent, or after a rough night. A month here, a week there, just to convince everyone that I didn’t have a problem. But I’d take a drink at the end, and 1 or 2 was soon back to 5 or 6. I decided to quit for a year, had 30 days when my Mom died. I went back to drinking and over the next 12 months of drinking, I removed all doubt as to whether or not I was an alcoholic. I checked out emotionally, and it almost cost me my marriage.
One morning after a particular bad bender, I decided I’d had enough. Something had to change, or I would lose everything. I quit drinking.
That was 866 days ago. Somewhere during that time I once again became what I should have been all along: a non-drinker. I won’t drink because I don’t drink. I am a non-drinker.
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I spent years wrestling with this question. My drinking was like yours, I guess, sometimes definitely excessive, sometimes perceived as fine. I justified my own drinking by focusing on my alcoholic friends and boyfriends. I now think it’s the wrong question. Clinically, doctors don’t use the term “alcoholic” any more because it’s so subjective and loaded. I realized that even if I don’t tick all the boxes for a severe alcohol abuse problem, I do tick some of them, and using this substance has a definite negative effect on my life and my health and my family, both short term and long term. That’s enough, without fretting on labels. I don’t want to mess up my liver or my brain. If I drink, some nights I’ll be able to stop, and some, I won’t. If I drink today, I’ll be more tempted to drink tomorrow. The things I value most are not supported by drinking. So, sure, maybe you could drink moderately. But maybe not. Why is it worth the risk? What stops you being willing to change? You have to decide if it’s really really worth it, if it’s deep down what you want.
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Labels aside, only you can decide if alcohol has a place in your life or not. Even then, is it really a necessary thing for…well, anyone? My question is, what benefits does it provide for you? Are they really actual benefits?
I do not consider myself an alcoholic. However, I do know that I have an addictive personality, a tendency to abuse the daylights out of alcohol when I start drinking, and that ultimately it makes my life more challenging – and not in a good way. It just isn’t good for me. Plain and simple, the personal cost far outweighs any benefits it provides me. I am better off mentally and physically without it.
There are a lot of perks to not drinking. I can’t really think of any benefits. As a result, not drinking has essentially become my default mindset. Drinking just doesn’t even register as an option for me.
Something worth mentioning, which has been alluded to in previous comments - those who do not have an alcohol problem don’t really ever have to think about it. If you are thinking it may be a problem for you, then it probably is - at least to some degree.
Take care, and best of luck.
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Yes! ^This.
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You are definitely not the first person to wonder about this. There are lots of threads on here asking and wondering the same thing. You can search and read lots on the topic.
For me, I am not that fond of labels of any type, but that’s me. Other people find a peace or acceptance or something else that resonates for them in identifying as an alcoholic.
Does it really matter? And no, you don’t have to have DTs, lose your job, do drugs, hit some random ‘low bottom’ to have a problem with drinking alcohol. Not everyone who has a terrible problem with alcohol fits into those categories or that label.
We can be highly functioning parents, workers, humans and still have a problem. We can be great at our jobs and still have a problem. We can be 'successful ’ and still have a problem.
I know for myself I was in a great deal of emotional pain from my decades of drinking. I was desperate to stop drinking. Sure, sometimes I could drink a few and be ‘fine’ but always and eventually there would be another episode where I was not and the ongoing pain that brought into my head, my mind, my life was so incredibly painful and draining. I knew my drinking was terrible for me and for my relationships and life.
So is your drinking adding anything positive to your life? Or is it just sucking the real life out of you? You know in your heart if you have a problem. Be honest with yourself and you can begin the journey of healing your self fully.
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Hey! Congratulations on 3.5 months of sobriety. What a fantastic gift for your body, mind and soul. Only you can decide if you’re an alcoholic. Only you can decide if you want to find out by drinking again. For me… it’s become apparent to me over my sobriety, that the substance doesn’t matter. It can be alcohol, cocaine, sugar, coffee, bread, a person. When something feels good OR at least helps me to escape what I’m currently feeling even temporarily(be that anxiety, feelings of unworthiness, sadness, restlessness)I have something that causes me to want to grab at the substance and use it. Then I want to use it more…and more and more and more and more. When my mom died last year, I escaped with ice cream. It became Every single night. I watched this habit, recognized it and loved myself through it until I jumped off the ice cream train and went back to healthier food choices. I was unable to see these patterns when the substance was booze because of how detrimental alcohol is to our brain and body. My mental makeup and drugs of any kind (alcohol included) don’t mix well. I don’t care what you label it, I don’t care what other people do, me and drugs don’t work. 
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Alcoholics are addicted to alcohol. They are physically and mentally dependent on it. Alcoholics find it hard not to drink and struggle with dependency every day. Alcoholics can achieve sobriety, but they will always be an alcoholic and at risk for relapse. They will often relapse after just one drink, no matter how long they have been sober.
Problem drinkers are not physically dependent on alcohol. They can go days, week, or months without drinking, if they want to. If they abstain, they will not have detox symptoms. They may drink a lot, or they may drink occasionally. The issue problem drinkers have is that when they do drink, it causes an issue in their life or in the life of someone they know. They may say and do things that hurt others or themselves. Drinking is not a problem for these individuals, but it does create problems in their lives.
If there’s a distinction it would be (clinically): Substance Use Disorders (alcohol or else) and Substance-Induced disorders (intoxication, withdrawals). You can still have a substance use disorder (what people here call alcoholism) even if you don’t have any physical symptoms (because they’re mostly gone after awhile even when the use of alcohol lasted for years). Anyways, the distinction you make is in the same category of clinical problems related to alcool.
If you drink 3 times a year and it fuck up your life, your drinking is problematic as much as someone who’s slowly drinking himself everyday to death. The outcome is the same: fucking up life. The road doesn’t matter if it leads to the same end.
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I’m sorry my last post seems rude when I read it back 
I understand your distinction And find it interesting; Therefore I just meant to make another step in the distinction 
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Ahh so drunk = heavy drinker. I am quite familiar then. But I generally think of drunks and alcoholics being the same. That’s why I was confused.
Whenever this debate comes up, the same answer:
I’d rather go through life sober wondering if I’m an alcoholic than drunk wondering if I can get sober.
If unsure, not drinking eliminates any doubt. I know I sleep better now, but I’m an alcoholic…
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I think deep down we are ALL alcoholics in some way and we all dig the hole deeper and deeper with every drink we take.
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You might also find this thread helpful to read thru…
Continuing the discussion from What makes an alcoholic, an alcoholic?
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I agree. You should try it. I have had the same thoughts throughout my journey. If that thought is still in your head at all, you really don’t want to be sober. But I needed to mess up about 500 more times to reach the following conclusion: maybe I was an alcoholic maybe I wasn’t. But I do know that if I were to start drinking all my personal growth thus far as well as any personal growth I hoped for would be gone as soon as I Bagan drinking again. I wouldn’t be living under a bridge, but my life would not be all it could be. Thankfully that is reason enough for me to stay sober. I hope you find your way!
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You are definitely not the first person to feel this way. Here is what the AA book “Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions” has to say. I must concur with these paragraphs. This describes my drinking, from social to escape drinking to heavy drinker to chronic alcoholic.
…Alcoholics who still had their health, their families, their jobs, and even two cars in the garage, began to recognize their alcoholism. As this trend grew, they were joined by young people who were scarcely more than potential alcoholics. They were spared that last ten or fifteen years of literal hell the rest of us had gone through. Since Step One requires an admission that our lives have become unmanageable, how could people such as these take this Step?
It was obviously necessary to raise the bottom the rest of us had hit to the point where it would hit them. By going back in our own drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression. To the doubters we could say, “Perhaps you’re not an alcoholic after all. Why don’t you try some more controlled drinking, bearing in mind meanwhile what we have told you about alcoholism?” This attitude brought immediate and practical results. It was then discovered that when one alcoholic had planted in the mind of another the true nature of his malady, that person could never be the same again.
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Im not saying u are acoholic.
But i see you drink to cope with everyday life. No minimizing ur troubles.
I wonder if u are question it so u dont have to face it.
Not sure this helps but hopfefully helps u in deciding. Welcome this is a great comunity
Only you can answer “am I an alcoholic”. I feel like if you have to watch, control, monitor, apologize for the nights of too many of anything …its definitely something to look at. Alcoholism is progressive.
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