I’ve been sober just over 2 months and I’ve been to 4 AA meetings. Part of my personal history is that I’ve kept my drinking problem very secret and private my entire life (like 25 years of disordered drinking) and I think now that I’m finally facing it openly, it kind of feels like Ive opened the floodgates. Like Ive bottled stuff up inside for so long, and now when I’m in AA, I feel like I’m in a safe space to share, and I just let it all out. I’ve noticed that when I’m asked to share, I talk a bit longer than most other people, and I often feel embarrassed afterwards for over-sharing and also taking up extra time. I do sometimes get complimented afterwards by random members who say that my share was really good or powerful or that I’m articulate. But I still feel embarrassed and can’t help but wonder if I’m “trauma dumping” inappropriately, or just being self-indulgent. The support that I’m getting at AA is something I think I’ve craved for a very long time, so I think maybe I am indulging in it in a way, and maybe that’s selfish of me in a group setting.
I guess I’m wondering, from those of you who go to meetings, does it annoy you when people over-share, or talk too long? Is it bad etiquette? Please be honest.
Congratulations on 2 months. I have been attending AA meetings for a year with the same group. The suggested time for a share is suggested 5 minutes. Topic should be personal and not about others. There are a few who go over and may stray from original train of thought. My feeling after attending for length of time is that those folks feel a need to speak the thoughts they are having. As an AA MEMBER one needs to remember besides staying sober our other responsibility is to help others get and stay sober. If their shares seem too long we should understand their needs. We are all in this together and striving for the same goal. SOBRIETY!
Thank you. I think I really needed to hear that. Like I said, a big part of my history is keeping things so bottled up and private. Letting go of that and opening up has given me a huge sense of relief. But then I have remorse afterwards. It’s like I’ve been brainwashed to think I’m a bad person for burdening others with my problems.
Posting here is for venting and not keep feelings suppressed. AA is there just for that reason “to help you stay sober and deal with your addiction). Keep on the good sober path.
In my home group, we emphasize sharing one’s experience, strength and hope. It sounds like your shares so far are focused on experience. You can add some strength and hope by expressing your gratitude for having a safe space to share.
One of the things a sponsor can do is to give you another safe space to share. And some things from our histories are not meant for a group, those are better shared with a sponsor or counselor. So you might want to consider that route also, if the traumas are unresolved and bring you continuing trouble.
Two months sober is a notable accomplishment. Good on ya! Blessings on your house as you begin your journey.
There are ways to share some topics as well. An AA group does not need to hear a blow by blow description of some past abuse or trauma - that might be better left to sponsor sharing. One can simply say there was abuse and the group can ID - details not always necessary. Talking about how the abuse led to more destructive behavior and drinking might be a way to follow up. Then the crisis point or bottom, and how you decided to attempt recovery - so experience, strength and hope.
Yes. AAs tend to be very intolerant of things like long sharing.
Also, I went to a meeting today that said, “Remember, some things are better left discussed with your sponsor. Not everything is appropriate to be shared at a meeting.” Many years in, I appreciate that reminder. Cuz I am just like you.
as you begin your journey.