Hello everyone.
I am 50 days clean and going strong. I actually started to write this action plan years ago. I decided to share it. My plan implies that you are a Godly man. I hope this makes sense. I am not a teacher or psychologist or whatever. Just another “addict” (Praying to God that that it is now an ex-addict). And wherever I say “you”, I mean “we”. I am not naïve. I am still in the boat. The Devil still knows me and my weaknesses. But remember, The Holy Spirit knows us and our strengths better.
Here is my six step action plan.
Before you begin reading:
- Open up your being and ask the Holy Spirit you fill you so much, that you overflow with His love and mercy. Beg of Him the power and strength that you will need to break from this evil.
- Realize that porn is driven by demons. They know what a powerful addiction it is. You are in for spiritual warfare. You cannot rely solely on your own strength. Prayer is key. And always, at every moment you get – worship God
1. MIND YOUR MIND
Our thoughts are stronger than we think. Some thoughts carry more weight than other thoughts. Some thoughts lead to nothing. Others lead to action. Others lead to compulsive behavior and addiction. But we have control over our thoughts. 2nd Corinthians chapter 10 clearly speaks of “bringing thoughts into captivity”.
Sometimes, the very strong thoughts are intimidating. I have laid awake many nights thinking about something that haunts me, and with no amount of effort in the world could I sway that thought. Some thoughts will take great effort to control.
Thoughts about porn in my opinion, contrary to what you might think, are actually weak thoughts. But we give it power, and fuel when we allow it to grow, when we feed it, and when we linger on it.
So what do you do when a porn thought comes along? Well the idea is really to try and prevent them from coming in the first place. We think more when we are idle. And since you can’t control what you think about, and until such time that you can, you want to limit the amount of time that you are idle. But porn thoughts can surface even when you are not idle, and then you will have to deal with it.
To achieve that, you need to occupy your mind with other things. Thoughts stem from information and actions in your life. You think about a car because you’ve seen one or driven one. So given our situation with women, sex and the absolute media frenzy around it, it is virtually impossible, and somewhat naive to think that you will not think about the subject.
Moreover, if you have been engaged in porn before, your subconscious has quite a bit of info to generate thoughts and ideas from. So what do you do? I believe the answer is to smother the potential porn thought with other completely different thoughts.
To be able to do that, you need to have plenty of “thought-material” in your backup arsenal. If you fill your day with constructive work, sports, hobbies and friends, then you are on the right track. When you win a game of rugby or lose it – chances are good that you are going to procrastinate on that, and not leave room for other thoughts.
But even then, you need to constantly improve and update. Increase the number of subjects that you learn about. It could be new hobbies, a new sport, new games and new friends, with the emphasis on new. Follow some news channels and Christian actuality streams on YouTube that makes you curious. Listen to Christian debates and church sermons. New things will give you more thoughts for your arsenal. And if you keep this up, while suppressing the porn and sexual thoughts (and actions), the scale is bound to tip over, diluting the power and weight of the porn thoughts.
In theory then - the longer you keep this behavior up, the higher the probability of completely preventing a porn thought surfacing, and getting into the habit of this preventative action.
But what if the thought does surface? STOP what you are doing. Don’t run to the computer. Realize you are in trouble. And start your action plan.
Step out for a coffee. Go grab a burger. Go for a walk. And if you have a support friend, call him now! Start to pull from your arsenal of healthy thoughts. Anchor yourself with the Bible and worship. Memorize something that you can recite.
I light a lavender candle and tell God that I hope the aroma pleases Him as a symbolic offer. Then I say “Holy Holy Holy, Is the Lord God almighty. Who was, and is, and is forever more.” I just find so much power in that. Or you can recite the Lord’s Prayer. Listen to some cool Christian music. Your stance must be aggressive with very zero tolerance for the porn-thought. Ask The Holy Spirit to fill up your mind.
You need to decide and know that you do not want to and entertain this porn-thought and it will not develop further.
YOU CAN NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE IDLE. YOU MUST HAVE HOBBIES. YOU MUST HAVE YOUR ANCHOR.
2. MIND YOUR EYES
Goes without saying. You will have to scrutinize everything you see - EVERYTHING. You will have to be prepared to look away / elsewhere. They call it a trigger.
The picture of the scantily dressed woman. Any part of a woman’s anatomy that could trigger. If I watch a movie on TV an there would be a minor sex scene in it, and I would just move my eyes off-screen. (All the glory to the Holy Spirit who increases my strength). This goes for any media, magazines, books, and the internet - all of them.
Of course it also goes for the real thing as well. If you see a woman in the supermarket with a low cut dress etc. - you walk the other way. You got yourself in this situation.
If you are serious about getting out- the greatest of sacrifices will have to be made. Sometimes it is impossible to avoid a trigger like this. It might just pop-up at you while you page through a magazine. The key is to move on VERY quickly. Lingering / pondering such a trigger even for a second could lead to a lapse. Bad as it might sound, but this is just short of walking around with a blindfold, until you beat this. This will require discipline and practice, and make no mistake - it is getting more difficult in the day and age that we are living in. Skincare, clothing and soap adverts on TV with semi-nude women are common place – sadly.
3. MIND YOUR STEPS
Ties in with number 2. If you walk past an adult-shop you are bound to see something provocative. We all know which supermarkets stock the “magazines”. Again many innocent magazine covers theses days have provocative images. Sex sells. That’s never going to change. Buy your Coke and walk away.
Public beaches and public swimming pools also comes to mind.
You will do well to avoid such areas and venues altogether, until you are stronger.
Pubs and clubs also often have girls that are in the market. They will more often than not, dress sexy. Saints don’t belong in there anyway. Walk away.
Plan your steps. Plan your day and the shops you want to visit.
Also - choose your friends carefully during this time. Some friends, males or females, can lead to a lapse by being provocative or just by talking sex etc. Walk away. Again, you got yourself into this, only you can get yourself out.
4. MIND YOUR TIME
More time with nothing to do means more time to do something wrong. It is that simple. Linking in with some form of support group, I would highly recommend that you join a club or two. I wish I could say a gym, but women wear gym clothes that are often provocative and emphasizing body curves. Doesn’t have to be just sport. Church groups are very cool. Get into a cell-group. Do the Alpha course at a church near you (Google it). Actively pursue healthy outings. No one is going to come to you and offer you to fill up your spare time. Everyone is short on time. But if you have excess time (a.k.a. your porn time), the obligation lies with you to fill it up. For now, it is imperative that you spend as little time alone in front of your computer / TV as possible.
5. MIND YOUR BODY
I believe that “tinkering” with -or spending too much time with your body could also lead to a lapse. If you shower / bath, wash “down there” and move on. Too much touching or rubbing of the genitals must be avoided. Touching the groin area, sends a signal to your brain that will arouse you, something which you would want to avoid. Avoid looking at your genitals in mirrors etc. Such an image in itself is erotic in nature.
6. MIND THE WAY YOU LOOK AT WOMEN
You need to change how you look at women. Re-discover the beauty of women again. We all do it. We judge every single woman by her body. We see, and there is nothing wrong with that, but you need to judge on beauty again, and not on body. Some porn-quit-sites will tell you about a three second rule (don’t stare at a woman for longer than three seconds) and that is a great start, but I want to go a step further. Don’t stare at her body at all. And if you find this hard, difficult as it may be, look away all together. I still struggle with this. It feels like it is ingrained on me to look twice and analyze. And remember beauty (or not) is in the eye of the beholder, so keep it to yourself. If you are in the process of quitting porn, there should be absolutely no reason for you to discuss women with someone else.
I am 50 days clean and going strong. I actually started to write this action plan years ago. I decided to share it. I hope this makes sense. I am not a teacher or psychologist or whatever. Just another “addict” (Praying to God that that it is now an ex-addict). And wherever I say “you”, I mean “we”. I am not naïve. The Devil still knows me and my weaknesses. But remember, The Holy Spirit knows us and our strengths better. Feel free to drop me a line if you would like to chat.
are superficial. It is like me saying that the plates and cutlery affects the nutritional value of the food I’m eating. The plates and cutlery have absolutely no influence on what foods I choose, or when I eat, or how much I eat.