I was already overwhelmed on Christmas Eve — grief, ongoing formal matters, and uncertainty about work had been building up for a while.
I started drinking as a way to cope, even though I knew it wasn’t helping.
Then I had contact with someone from my past that touched a very old wound. With alcohol already in my system, I spiraled and drank far more than I should have, in a very destructive way.
I’m not sharing this to blame anyone, but to be honest with myself about how escalation happens for me when stress, grief, and unresolved wounds collide.
This experience reinforced why I choose sobriety now — not because life is easy, but because I need better ways to protect myself when it isn’t.
Thanks for your honesty Juliette. One of the main prerequisites for a successful sober life is just that. Ruthless honesty, to ourselves in the first place.
That’s honest too, but it might be interesting to try and understand why you drank anyway, despite knowing better, knowing it wouldn’t help. My guess is it was the addicted part of you talking, whispering its lies.
Black and white thinking isn’t helpful often, but in case of addiction we need it. We either drink or we don’t. One day a time. And yes, we need other ways of dealing with life. That’s why it’s called recovery, or in my case discovery, because I never learned these healthy coping mechanisms before. I need my peers, like I find here and elsewhere, I needed and still do need some professional help, I need knowledge. And honesty indeed. Wishing you all success. We’re in this together. Hugs.
That is absolutely it….life doesn’t stop being ‘lifey’ because we are sober but we cannot use hardships as a reason to drink….I love the phrase that ‘there is nothing that alcohol cannot make worse’ and so we must find another way to cope and to work through the things that life inevitably throws at us…to numb feelings is not dealing with them…they are still there when the numbing subsides…when I first got sober 3+ years ago I would tell myself over and over that relapse is not an option…to find another way…sometimes that meant crying until I couldn’t cry anymore or screaming into a pillow if I was angry…it worked because I was getting the feelings out instead of numbing…one of the biggest lessons ive learned in sobriety is that feelings are valid, the cast iron proof of that is that your feeling it… you dont have to deny your feelings by numbing yourself, accept that the feelings are there and allow them to come through
My mother always told me i shouldn’t feel this or that, that i was too sensitive and so for most of my life I felt like my feelings were wrong or silly….id feel wrong for what I felt and so began my running from them, the constant internal battle in my head….its exhausting, I am who I am, what I feel is what I feel and thats ok, its ok for you too
I spent many years in a toxic relationship where showing emotions or being visible often led to blame or shame. Over time, I learned that disappearing felt safer than going out or being around people.
Instead of reaching out, I learned to withdraw — and later to numb things on my own.
Sobriety is helping me see that this wasn’t weakness, but a way of surviving. Now I’m slowly learning that my feelings are okay, and that I don’t have to disappear anymore.
Thank you for the reminder that feelings are not wrong.