Earlier I got into an argument with a housemate which led to high levels of anger and near a physical altercation.
While I can openly admit I have anger issues and have gone through therapy multiple times throughout the years it has improved.
I also had a habit of rationalizing it, like well I never gotten physically violent with a girlfriend so I’m in control, it was my hard line of do not pass.
Over the last near 7 months of sobriety I have continously worked hard on this and have been successful, but it’s really starting to rear its head again, and I feel fucking terrible, like yes roommate and I have completely made ammends of the situation but it makes me feel terrible.
I haven’t rationalized my behaviours but my housemates have, like it’s ok your out of meds, your battling anxiety and depression, your under alot of stress. Yeah all facts that may be true. But not a reason to be a prick.
My fellow angry sober siblings do you have any idea how to solve your anger?
Well. Not sure if I can help. But breathing and counting to five before talking could help. I don’t really have that kind of an issue. ( I usually clam up and run away.) But it is good you recognize it. And staying on your meds is good for ya. My wife’s anger issues got way much better since she’s on meds. I don’t know. I hope someone else can weigh in with some other suggestions.
Breathe.
I been in so many physical altercations, over it it almost seemed relieving at times, but I was really bad I broke my neighbors jaw once over a Facebook comment. I thought getting into MMA would have been a stress relief, it was but it started to become unhealthy like many of things do when you have an addict personality
I don’t understand the problem. You and your room-mates have made amends, they’re completely understanding but you’re hanging onto it… why? Sounds like you’re holding onto it because feeling terrible about it gives you a reason to be angry. I think if I were you, I’d talk it out with them one final time and then find a way to let it lie.
As far as the anger issues go, it’s not good to bury anything. The more you bury something the more pressure it develops and eventually its going to go off like Hiroshima. You’ve been through anger management before right? So you know that its usually a defense mechanism triggered by being reminded of something you’re trying to actively avoid because it makes you feel vulnerable/weak/hurt. Whatever that underlying issue is, deal with it. Its not going to go away otherwise.
Anger is just another emotion. Just happiness, hurt, sadness, grief or any other such stressful emotion, it can be all encompassing, all consuming and dangerous.
There’s 3 ways you can deal with any stressful emotion
One is to allow yourself to feel it and deal with it appropriately and allow it to eventually disopate.
The second is to channel it into something creative - Are you artistic/creative at all? I’m a guitarist of 23 years and I can channel any emotion I have into those 6 strings quite effectively, whether its writing something or playing something or messing about with the amp settings to create different sounds.
The third is to let it bottle up, suppress it and eventually let it go off like an atomic bomb.
I’ve had a really difficult time with it as well. Prior to rehab it was disorderly conduct and lashing out at the world.
Now I remove myself from the situation, think about why I’m pissed and confront it with whomever I feel is the source. But calmly and I always begin with: I think or I feel. It’s better than jail. All I know, man.
“Get rid of the attitude… and replace it for gratitude”
I have a real close relationship with anger and reacting.
I have found that when I start getting shitty its because I have lost my ability to be grateful and begin seeing things in a negative way. Triggers that can’t exacerbate this are feeling tired or confusion… these are my main trigger feelings. Working on humbleness is a great start.
I want to acknowledge u @Fury and thank u 4 posting this topic.
I can’t tell you how or what u should do in moments of anger. My struggle bus of anger is 100% an issue that I’ve just now started to try to deal with. I’ve seen a counselor for half my life and the tools of workout, paint, journal etc… have helped for awhile but not completely. My doc even gave me a meditation cd.
All I can do is focus on the moments and not give anything or anyone that much power to get a rise out of me. Because it always leaves me feeling empty
Idk if my rambling on is of any help but just know your not alone on this topic and I’m completely elated I’m not the only one that has anger issues as well.
If I come across some techniques that have been helpful I’ll share and maybe vice-versa.
I was given the Anger Iceberg when I was in rehab because I was apparently a very angry person
It was a bit of a lightbulb for me to realise how much is underneath an angry outburst, it may help you to have a look at what may be laying underneath the surface.
I can’t weigh in much. I bottle up my anger and it morphs into selfhatred. I do however get overwhelmed (with anger) sometimes and I have to let it out physically. So I get a club and go hit trees in a nearby forest. Screaming and cussing involved. One destroyed hand bag (mine).
If you let the past eat you, there will soon be nothing of you left.
What happened in the past is just that, in the past. You can’t change it but you can learn from it; you need to learn from it or you will end up repeating it. It’s not easy to relinquish our emotional past but we must in order to be the best we can today.
My mantra has been: “The person responsible for all my problems is myself.” - This reminder has helped me release my anger towards everyone, everything and myself.
Find a mantra that makes sense you to and become it.
Thanks for sharing @Fury… I’ve realized a lot of my drinking triggers are actually anger. This is really something I need to look more into as well. I usually keep it in like @Olivia said, but there are those times… I’ve never hit another person, but one of the times my Dad angered me with his b.s., I took it out on a punching bag with an extendable baton. The baton lost.
) But it is good you recognize it. And staying on your meds is good for ya. My wife’s anger issues got way much better since she’s on meds. I don’t know. I hope someone else can weigh in with some other suggestions.
