Didn’t choose recovery to feel like this. So negitive, angry as, want to bitch and moan, using and escaping seems so easy and I hate to say that because I’m 10 months clean from cannabis and it’s been hard fought. 13 months clean from alcohol I know if I went back to alcoholism it would kill me literally. The cannabis was pretty life destroying too but I just either just wanna cry or rage with anger. Up to my fifth step. Quit a good job recently due to workplace bullying now I’m about to start an outdoors manual labour job pruning grapevines not looking forward to it. Thinking of applying to uni for a teaching degree soon but if that doesn’t work idk wtf I’m going to do. And if I do get in I’m scared of whether or not it’s the right path and if I’m capable. I’m 25 and I still live with my parents I’m single and I hate that I’ve just seemingly gone nowhere in 10 years except backwards. I try do a gratitude list I haven’t done one for about 2 weeks I can’t even find fuck all to be grateful for today. Just feel like I’m at the end of my rope. No energy, body’s not feeling well. Want to die but don’t at the same time weird feeling.
My mum called me a waste of space the other day when she thought I was sleeping so that was nice not.
Sometimes the best we can do for a day is just not drink or drug. If you aren’t feeling it today don’t worry. Tomorrow will be better.
Tomorrow’s another day that can be better. We’ll make it better together. As for moms who are bitter, angry and a bunch of other shit… I have one of those too. Can’t control anything or anyone. Just easier for me to remember that. Hang tough brother.
Thanks guys need to snap out of my self indulging misery and get the fuck over it despite my challenges and adversity I’m not a lost cause even though today it feels like it I have a pretty uncomfortable health condition that’s flaired up and it’s quite embarrassing and no one can tell so kinda feels like you suffer in silence. Thanks team.
Man I know its hard believe me but you have come a long way and you should be proud of it, 13 months from alcohol and 10 months from cannabis. Just look around this forum and you can see the people that have tried, some people don’t even last a week sober. You should be proud of yourself and scream it, I tell myself every day 89 days in and keep going to the next day. I take it one day at a time. Get your positive vibe going and stay strong my friend if you need to talk I’m here for you. Remember a lot of people can’t do what you have done just remember that and keep it in your head.
Thanks bro the twelve step programme has kept me on track and remembering that it works when I work at it, and handing it over, so maybe I need to go back to those basics. Thank you I appreciate the support.
Vent all you want man as long as you feel good afterwards, sometimes you need that just let it out.
Ahh sorry to hear you’re having a shit day. It’ll get better. It’s all worth it. Start again tomorrow and maybe tomorrow you’ll feel differently. I hope you do. I’ve had shit days and shit months and shit years. Drinking just amplified all the shit and then it just caused even more shit.
You’ve dug yourself out this far. You’re gonna make it further.
Thank you adressed some of the issues did the next right thing and am feeling better.
So good to hear!
Lots of emotional energy, much of it negative, can get stirred up at this point in your step work. Do you have an appointment to complete your 5th step? I felt a burden unloaded after mine and I’ve found that’s a common reaction. Blessings on your house.
Thank you man, I’ve seen most young people in AA and NA that I’ve met if not all relapse in my time in the rooms. I think because I’ve been sober in aa for 13+ months but only totally sober in NA for 10 months it kinda feels like a drag that’s not got me as far as it should’ve. But I appreciate your sentiments of keeping it in the day, just for today. I will remain in the day not worry about tomorrow that will deal with itself when it gets here. And yes I do have goals, sometimes my expectations are very high, so I’m going to decrease my expectations and increases my workload. I’m going to take it easy on myself the next few days I think and just meet my minimum requirement for being a functional person, I feel a little washed out and my body is not reacting as well as it could be. Thank you for your ongoing positive support it really means a lot.
Ah Duncan this doesn’t sound like you at all what’s really going on buddy.dig deep I’ve been holding onto alot of anger resentment etc ,you an avid aa goer can’t you reach out to your sponsor for support and your home group I really hope you find some peace in your day.
Yeah I needed to revisit the concept that it works when you work at it and whether or not I want it and are willing to go to any lengths.
I tend to be very energetically tied into the moon cycle so this probably played a part in what kicked me off it’s 11:30pm and my minds racing having trouble falling asleep as I reflect on things.
Man, all the things I have to say have been said. But I’ll reiterate the expectations part. Burn that shit! You are better than your expectations!
If we don’t let life develop organically then we miss the beauty of change. We can’t force things. Trust me, if we do, they dont stick. And we miss the magic of finding out who we are and how we are capable of changing. If we live in our expectations then we can only become them. We can’t become who we really are. We can’t find the things that have been hiding behind our addictions. We can’t discover new things about ourselves. And, damnit, THAT’S where the magic is.
You are a strong guy who had made this important choice early in life. While others are falling around you, you are staying strong and moving forward. You are one of the few. Dont expect to be one of the many. Keep forging your own path, through bullshit and sunshine, and be a living example for those who currently can’t.
And that’s my motivational speech for the day. I believe in you, kid. I’ve been on the verge of temper tantrums for the last 2 days as well. I just let myself feel it, then work on moving on from it. And I emphasize the word work. Its been a battle, one I mostly feel like I’m losing, but, fuck it. I’m going to keep fighting because I know it won’t be this was forever. I’ve been here before, I’ll be here again, and everytime I let myself fight through it I learn something new. I like learning new things. And, since I don’t drink or do drugs, well, that takes one part of the battle off the table.
I try to remember this quote from a fave author when I having a tough day, “Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it”.
I think you are doing amazing with your sobriety, keep going.