Alcohol has now caused my 2nd breakup. Im day 7 sober. I cannot stop beating myself up for the things i said and did. Its consuming me. How do i let go if that and move on? Im down to 106 pounds over it.
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The keyword is acceptance. That you might have an alcohol problem. I didnt want to admit to because of my ego and pride. Surrender to the ideology that alcohol only destroys good things in my life. I personally, had to commit myself to a program. The break-up sucks on all levels, but what is the root cause? I knew what my answer was. I had to heal myself, before I even tried to begin or heal broken relationships on all levels to include family relationships. It’s time to make a real change!
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Letting go of the past is much easier said than done. But it must be done as it is entirely futile. Whatever you said or did, what did you learn about the kind of person you want to be? And what steps can you take to get closer to being that person?
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Guilt, anxiety and shame are hard to rid ourselves of for sure. We can apologize til we are groveling, but when we continue the same behavior, it can be hard for others to trust our words.
For myself, one of the ways I was able to allow myself to let go was to build self love and self confidence. I did this slowly by becoming a more loving person to my self. By taking care of my body mind and spirit versus treating my self poorly and with disregard. It was not easy and I did not immediately start loving myself after years of hate and neglect…but slowly and over time. Finding sobriety, adding a day sober at a time, helped me to honor and respect myself.
I cannot change my past. I can let that heavy burden down. I do not need to carry that anymore. Today I can love myself …not because I am perfect, not because I don’t drink…but because as a human being I deserve my own love and respect. You too deserve that, right where you are right now.
Find that kernel of love and nurture it. Find that self respect and honor your self with a sober day, tomorrow you can work on tomorrow. Cry your tears, let your burden down and be the you who feels the pain of life and works toward health and healing. 
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For me the letting go was strange- I let go by admitting I was holding onto a problem. I let go by accepting that I was an alcoholic, that there wasn’t drunk me and sober me- there was really just drunk me that could stay sober for a while, long enough to convince myself I didn’t have a problem. I let go by grabbing hold of new daily practices that help me see myself in all my flaws, accept myself, forgive myself, and love myself because of my self awareness and relentless desire to be better every day. If alcohol is making you lose things you want, it’s time to lose it instead because holding onto the booze doesn’t lead to any happiness or satisfaction.
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I’m right their with you, it’s been a few weeks now and if anything I feel like I’m drinking more. I’m trying my hardest to not blame myself but it was because of the drinking and have to learn it’s become a problem. Good luck and stay strong!
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Actually, he did you a favor. Clearly not willing to support you in your sobriety. What wlse will he not support you in? As others said…time for self-love and healing. Then you will attract the right person. Good luck!
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That first part is so telling
If he truly loved you he would want the best you. He would want you to be happy, safe, mentally and physically well. Do this for you. Nobody else. You. You have the keys to an amazing future in your hands right now, and the ability to surround yourself with people who will love you for who you are. You’re bloody worth it. Go get it.
I met my partner after getting sober. There’s no way I would have met her before. Nice, kind people attract nice kind people. She drinks on occasion but one of the things she loves the most is that I don’t. It makes me a better person. She feels safe, secure and loved and I’ve never let her down.
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I’m concerned that you’re not eating enough. In recovery I learned to take better care of myself. It’s late here. But I hope someone can jump in here to offer you the kind of encouragement you need.
Happiness comes from within.
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I hope you feel better but… Weight numbers? 
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Or are you talking about money?
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There is a lot of stigma towards addiction and sobriety in this world. I have felt it a lot over the last few years. At this point I would focus more on your own sobriety and well being.
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I’m sorry you’re going through this again. Don’t beat yourself up (easy said than done) accept that it’s happened and if you really love the person try and get them back and apologies as much as you can and work on a plan on how to be sober for real this time, show them this. No lies just you being your true self.
I tell you the subconscious makes you do things that it desires, it’s a part of you but not the conscious you, it controls you if you let it so don’t let it, that small voice which says it’s only one drink, shut it down, teach it by saying it’s not only one and it’s dangerous, it’s the worst and you don’t like it.
You can do this, I know you can and I have fully faith in you because I know what it’s like, the feeling when we’re drunk or high, but those aren’t real, it’s superficial and makes things worst.
Accept the past and focus on your current and the tomorrow. Take every second as tiny steps and tell yourself you are great and a wonderful being because you are and your mind and body will learn to be sooo happy with no substance but yourself. Enjoy the little things and move your body 
. Love you!
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You probably wouldn’t have chose him as a sober person. If you reallly want to do this for yourself I suggest taking some time away from relationships and get involved in a recovery support group. The process of forgiving yourself comes with work and can be a daily thing sometimes. This is based on my experience as an angry drunk. It takes work. Its a process. Hang in there. My two cents is he dosent sound like a very nice guy. Be single for awhile and work on you. You deserve it.
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I’m right here with you, the anxiety, disgust, guilt and shame is tearing me up. I’m on day 5 and the worst part is knowing IT WAS ME, JUST ME. I feel all of this and I can’t even imagine what he dealt with… he was sober.
I feel your pain. My boyfriend left last year because of the things I did and said while in active addiction. I don’t even remember some of it, but he does. I still have a lot of guilt, but guilt doesn’t do much except weigh us down. Use this time to work on yourself to be the best version of you, focus on your recovery for a while❤️
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The guilt is knawing at me so much right now. I know I deserve it, and I can’t make him the bad guy… but, I’m truly sorry and he won’t forgive me. It’s so hard to find self love right now, just loathing. Then that makes me want to drink sooo much. I had a good cry earlier for the loss of my man and my comfort tool. It’s too much.
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I think most people with former addictions struggle a lot with guilt, especially in early recovery. It takes a lot of work to find forgiveness for yourself and self love. I’m still struggling with it myself, but with honest work, it does get more manageable.
Even though it hurts when the people we love can’t forgive us for our actions during addiction, we have to understand they’re in pain too, With time, hopefully you can find a way to make a living amends with him.
Healing is hard, but part of that is feeling those emotions and processing them, that’s how you know you’re healing
You should try some support groups, they’ve been helping me a ton! Anything to not go back to a drink
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