I have been sober and clean almost 19 months on December 10.
I’m struggling with feeling alone.
I know, I mean absolutely know I can never use cocaine or drink again. I was homeless and trafficked because of my cocaine use.
I’ll be honest I don’t struggle with my sobriety because I know what happened will happen again.
I lost my dignity and have so much PTSD from being trafficked.
But I just feel alone, I feel trapped in my own body. I have a great life, with my fiancé. I have a home and security.
But the PTSD from being trafficked because of my drug use is something… I’ll just never forgive myself for. Ever…
I am in trauma therapy and have been for over 2 years.
I really don’t know what I’m asking for right now…
Maybe just advice on how to forgive yourself…
I’m sorry today is rough. You are absolutely not alone even if you feel lonely. 🩶🩷
It took me about 4 years of sobriety and 3 years of therapy (schema and trauma) to start to really feel better about myself and life in general. Keep going Chandler. You’re doing better than you think. We’re in this together. Big hugs 
The only way forward is to forgive yourself.
You cannot change your past.
As children we learned everything for the first time. In moments of trauma and abuse we are designed to make decisions (fight, flight, or freeze) in an instant to keep us safe, secure protected.
Whether they were good or bad decisions, those choices did what they were intended to do from the beginning, but over time we become aware that they may have been poor choices, and habits.
They don’t define who you are, they just kept you alive to get to where you are now.
Change the habits and let go of that grip it has.
You deserve so much more!
I feel you. Forgiving is like setting a prisoner free and realize the prisoner was you. People told me a lot to just move on, it’s in the past etc. Somehow it doesn’t seem to work like that for me, guilt feelings about the things I did in active use still overwhelm me (I will be 3 years sober this month). I had some trauma therapy, that didn’t cut it either. According to my latest treatment centre my life in active use caused a life full of trauma events. What is helping me at the moment is working the steps of AA/NA, especially step 1 made me realize I was powerless over my addiction and my life was unmanageable. Realizing this makes forgiving a bit easier, I’m not there yet. What I get from your story is that you where powerless against you addiction and was in a survival modus. Accepting this might make it easier to forgive yourself step by step 
Hello, I am in real early Sobriety with the same addiction as yours and kind of somewhat the same circumstances except for I did my street work willingly To support my habit. I think I isolate and feel so alone even when surrounded by people is because I know what I have done in my head. I try to reach out to clean sober. People would where doing also churches contact family members more! I am praying for you And here to listen! Your a big inspiration! If I get depressed or to deep in my loneliness. I also contact my doctor! Hope this helps a little!
Im so sorry ur experiencing this. I want u to know that ur not alone in feeling this way. I wasnt trafficked but i was a sex worker throughout my “using career” and i too have ptsd from that lifestyle. I did sex work to survive and support my addiction and it took me to some very dark places.
Forgiveness of self can take some time. It was a hard struggle to forgive myself for what i put myself thru. What i try to remember is that back then, i was only trying to survive. We need to give oursleves some grace bcuz in addiction we arent in our right state of mind. And often times, in the past, we did the best with what we had. I have been exited from the trade for about 9-10 years now and some memories still haunt me. But its important to remember that things are different now and that we are safe and no longer there. I used to feel broken and used up and “dirty” etc from the things i used to do in the trade but thats just not true. There is soooo much more to me. Just like there is soooo much more to u. You are a strong, smart, resilient, kind person who is striving to better herself. Please dont define urself due to ur past. Take some time maybe and write down some positive characteristics of urself. Show urself who u really are 