Another Start

I had 36 days. My longest stretch in three years.
Good thing is I didn’t drink today. The last time I had 30 days and then drank every day for two months.
Here is what I wrote about these two days:

Romanticized
Thought I could limit
Thought I deserved
Thought I wanted to
Thougt it’d help me relax

Tasted bad
Hid
Chugged
Too much
Overate
Felt like throwing up
Didn’t sleep well
Slept in late
Felt sick
Joints ached
Felt dehydrated
Headache
Foggy
Gassy
Tired

Craving more
Romanticizing again
Thinking I can limit
Thinking the other wine will taste better
Thinking I can control

Irritable
More cravings

Again;
Hiding
Too much
Way too much
Overate
Stayed up late
Bad sleep
Sweaty and hot sleep
Sick
Headache
Dehydrated
Regret
Skin hurts
Joints ache
Puffy eyes and face
Worried about liver and kidneys

Plan on pouring it out

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So glad you didn’t drink again today. Why didn’t you? Those descriptions of the 2 days you did sound horrible. Remember how bad it ultimately sucked. Glad u hopped back on here

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Please do. So consuming isn’t it? A poison that creates so much destruction/ruins so many lives. It never deserved our attention in the first place. Not worth it. Throw it out now and stay strong.

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I missed the clear head, the easy joy, and being myself. I feel absolutely crazy; why do I still romanticize when I see what happens again and again? It’s absurd.
I just wanted to share this experience. I will read it again and again.

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It’s the insanity of addiction imo. You’ve found some clarity tho. Be glad for that, cuz many dont. They sadly remain blind and die. Live. Live!

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Oh my - that is the perfect imagery. I remember all those feelings so very well. Thank you for sharing this reminder not to return.:heart:

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You give the best :heartbeat: replies @MoCatt

I would say the exact same thing about you!:heart:

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You’re also a good liar :joy::joy::joy: jk

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Thanks for this it is a wake up call for anyone about to relapse. Very well put and congrats on not continuing. Back on the sober journey. Stay with us

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It makes my heart happy to see what your self awareness has brought about with this relapse. Not only will this be extremely helpful for yourself, but for others like me. I may have a ton of days, but that first drink is always in reach.

Hang on to this thread and return here when you are wondering “why?”.

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