Anxiety All day but pushing through

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Last night I had trouble falling asleep and just feeling like my mind was out of control. It’s one of those things where that just happened sometimes and I know I have to just ride it out. But today because of the lack of sleep my anxiety is even worse. I feel like I’ve done all I can do. I prayed. I took my vitamins. I was able to eat a little bit of food and drink a muscle milk. Also I will say my anxiety is increased because I start back to work in a couple days at a regular job. I’ve been surviving off my guitar with mostly busking, and a couple restaurant gigs but that has become physically exhausting and sometimes I feel like it’s not good for this early recovery. So I’m going to attempt to try to work a regular job maybe till I can get a safety net.

Also my best friend she is currently relapsing and not accepting treatment and I don’t really know what to do. I tried to spread the message that recovery works and that if I can make it through all of these ridiculous life events in the last three months, then she can to… I told her about free detoxes and sober living , AA And about how she can go there and be able to get numbers from girls and not feel so alone. She keeps saying what is wrong with her? And it kills me because there’s nothing wrong with her. I tried to explain the allergy and the obsession. I care so much and have known her 20 years but I have to make it clear that I will remain sober no matter what. I’ve never been on the other end of this. I have done all I can do with everything I’ve just said. I know that I’m not going to be able to sleep today still. I’m trying to decompress and calm down. This is not a worry about drinking, I’m not worried about that. Doesn’t mean I don’t Feel really uncomfortable today. I was telling my cousin that maybe that’s just life there’s just never a break. I just have to ride this out and communicate with my net work.

PS not sure if there is a better location to post this but I’m still trying to understand this website and like I just expressed it’s just been a long day

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I can relate to that, it’s hard to be on the other side and see a friend struggling. It’s that powerless felling, at least for me.

What’s working for me is putting a sleep meditation on youtube, might wanna try it….

All the best

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Thank you. That’s actually a good idea I might try to find something to put on Like that Music you’re talking about or Rain Sounds or something. Pretty much decided I’m just done for the day. Just taking it easy trying to deal with the process today.

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Man I feel your pain this is gonna get a bit long winded, so bare with me here.

I don’t have anxiety, I mean I did when I first got sober cause you know all those years of heavy drinking and drug use and now all of a sudden I got to do it sober what the fuck? I was paranoid on edge and felt the weight of the world crushing me. Time went by it went away. Other then when I’m having like a life changing event, who doesn’t have anxiety in those moments.

But if I don’t sleep I get anxious. It’s almost like my body needs that time to reset or I’m not right, I can’t take melantonin and I sure ain’t trying no sleepy meds. If your not sleeping try some you tube meditations, meditation apps, or even adjusting your diet and exercise

As far as the guitar thing, I need to take my own advice here and it’s good I’m writing it out. Remember when we first interacted here? I said the most important question You need to ask yourself is, what kind of guitar player do you want to be? What’s your goals? How do you obtain them? Busking is fun, playing music and making money is fun, I love it. But look at the heirachy, the bigger picture, it’s a great place to start, but isn’t long term sustainable as a full time income source, or every corner would have a busker. Especially if your in a metropolitan area,

More often than not when your trying to break into the industry You have to have something to hold you over till you get going, it’s like having a second job, but gives you some money to hold you over and keep the rent paid and the lights on, and work towards the guitar player you want to be

When it comes to friends in recovery or not in recovery, we can only be in control of ourselves it’s painful to see those we care about and love live the life we led, watch them fall apart in front of our eyes. It’s painful to watch, you can offer the tools but they have to make that choice,

We control our own, I said recently I had a falling out with a friend, but I’m only in control of my side of the street. I can make my choices to do the right thing but I can’t make choices for them. Recently dissolved a relationship that I thought was going to be a permanent thing, it was sad, had all the good traits I wanted, but I didn’t want the bad that came with them, I made my wishes clear and we weren’t on the same page life becomes about acceptance, and we can only accept what’s brought to us, offer our guidance and let them make their choices

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Thank you for reaching out and getting back to me. I think it’s mostly a struggle of trying to find a balance with a lot of the basics. Food and sleep is something that I can go without and not realize I’m doing it. I’m trying to trust this process and know that not everything can be solved in five months.

As far as the music I just really believe I can do something with the busking, that’s how I was able to get a couple restaurant gig, I got a lot of connections and it’s cool being able to make your own schedule. Honestly the only thing that is stopping me from going back out again is that I feel like I just went to hard for three months… I kept track of everything. I performed 96 times in three months, and 8 shopping centers, and 4 downtown location rotating them weekly. What I like about busking is that you’re performing for people that sometimes are not even able to see a show because of their age, or maybe it’s a little kid who’s never seen electric guitar played in real life, I like the fact that nobody is doing this. But I do agree with going back to regular work to make this easier. I start at Jack in the box on Saturday like 20 hours a week. It’s definitely humbling but it’s 1 mile from my house. Me and my friend want to go ro Los Angeles , I want to see what the busking competition and Street performing is like there… I want to find out about permits and all of that stuff. I guess the practice of performing and busking in Georgia Florida and Arizona it’s just practice for when I go to the places where there’s actually competition. I don’t have any competition here. That’s why I can make $140 in one day. But it can really take so much out of you. Sometimes I wish it was just playing guitar and that’s it, but people are going to want to talk, people want to engage. Sometimes I’m talking to 40 people a day or more, and I have to put on that friendly face because this is my image. I have this feeling that something is going to happen this year if I keep pushing this hard. My cousin said to me that he thinks he’s never going to win a Grammy. I said that I think I can. That’s the difference in certain people. I guess right now musically some things are trial and error. Also taking a step back from performing has allowed me to learn some of these recording programs. I know that if I was drinking I would not be playing guitar 5 hours a day , Researching, watching music interviews, it wouldn’t be possible. I just believe in this busking … And I spent years figuring out how to make it profitable, understanding my rights and the laws… I think a lot of people don’t do it because of fear, because you’re out there by yourself. But it’s also the most incredible thing and can be hard to explain to somebody who Has not lived it . I know you understand

And as far as my friend I feel like I have to take a step back because honestly is affecting my sobriety. I had to get pretty real with her this morning. And it was hard to do but maybe it’ll save her life.

Thanks again man and always good to hear about the music knowledge from you because you definitely have more experience

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I know exactly what you’re going through re. anxiety. Mine is very high at the minute. Just have to ride it out and know things will get better.
God does not want his children to suffer for no reason. But He also expects us to help Him help us.
Hang in there. Stay sober. Do those things you can to relieve your anxiety till it passes. Good luck with the job. :slightly_smiling_face:

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I missed this thread. Im glad I caught this. Its was an awesome read!

I see amazing growth here. Your working it. Staying focused, reaching out and helping others. That some good recovery I just read.

Its hard to watch friends continue down the path we escaped from. Im surrounded by people I care about who cant/wont stay clean and sober. I take it as a reflection of where I came from. I feel for them and appreciate the lesson. Sometimes those friends make drinking look fun. Not falling for it allows me to witness the same old alcoholic problems they have. It makes me appreciate my recovery even more.

You never know. Maybe you planted a seed.

I got sober from a seed that was planted by a friend that used to “party” like I did. It made me feel a little safer going to meetings with him. I was scared shitless.

Your pursuing your dreams and protecting your recovery!

:muscle: Thanks for sharing!

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My anxiety has been higher than I like it to be lately. Im feeling better today. I hope you feel better too.

Are you eating good? sleeping? Those things are huge factors for me. Glad your here!

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Thanks for reaching back. Just continuing to keep things extremely simple. Some days with the anxiety it feels like I’m starting over every day. My routines are what’s keeping me sober.

And good news with my friend she has two days off the alcohol. I was trying to get her to go to the hospital for medical detox but she has some family with her and it’s not as bad as we thought I guess. She’s starting to be able to eat and I think She actually got some sleep… We kept doing safety checks on her, and I think after a month she just finally had enough. Trying to motivate her to do some kind of outpatient at the very least after she gets through detoxing. But it’s really up to her. I feel like I’ve done all I can do, while not compromising my own recovery. It was really scary and tough situation to be in and wondering if I’m doing all I can do? This thing is really out to get us if we Don’t work at it every day

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Nice! I’m happy for your friend.

Giving away what we have helps us keep it. You did good. Internet recovery is great. Seeing someone tremble through detox has a bigger impact for a reminder of the severity of alcoholism. Its good for us to be reminded.

It is and it will. I’ve been having anxiety lately. I’m feeling better today because I have been working my recovery more than I had. I’ve been putting more energy into making my dreams a reality than I have working my recovery.

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I feel u thank u for your story

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