You’re not alone. Welcome to Talking Sober 
Welcome to our crazy club 
The journey from mess to success is a messy one. The good news is plenty of people have done it before you, and there is a path. It is possible.
Do you have a sobriety group you go to? AA or SMART Recovery or something along that line? I found that helpful in my journey.
There’s lots of good listening and reading here too (and a list of sobriety group options too):
Resources for our recovery
You can do it. You need help and you have work to do. But you can do it. You are not alone.