Anxiety, depression, autism, ADHD - which is it?

Emotional Support
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This last week has been really bad for me mentally. My partner and I have been wondering about various traits and what to label them as. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression for 20+ years, so I definitely have those. The problem is that every trait of this diagnosis seems to overlap with other diagnoses - for example I have a terrible time focusing on one thing, I always have to be doing multiple things like listening to a book while my laundry etc. I’ve become very forgetful, to the point of concern from my partner and it has started impacting my job. These can be symptoms of depression or ADHD Inattentive. I’m working on mindfulness but it’s difficult because I’m so easily distracted!

Then I started musing about how whenever I jump into a conversation and say something, I get blank stares from people. I don’t know how to listen actively or not just talk about myself. This doesn’t happen when I talk to my close friends but more with acquaintances. This could be autism or just a bad habit.

I don’t know why i feel the need to label all of the things that make up my personality. I don’t really like the checkbox approach where you either have ADHD or you don’t, have anxiety or you don’t, etc. I understand these are useful categories but they are all based on behavior and personality and everyone has their own unique concoction of mental illnesses and brain chemicals. And there is so much for me to improve on that I’m super overwhelmed and constantly thinking of what I should be working on, and I get frequent imposter syndrome at work.

Tonight I really scared myself with suicidal ideation so I called a hot line and that was helpful. Before that I sent emails to 4 therapists since I dont currently have one. I’m in a better mood now but nervous about going back to work tomorrow.

Anyways thanks for letting me ramble.

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I really really encourage you to go and seek professional help and expertise to get a diagnosis and more importantly subsequently help/therapy with the symptoms you struggle with.

I’ve been through similar situations and although a diagnosis helped me somehow to make sense of how I am behaving here, in real life, it won’t help me to better deal with it. But I can now get appropriate help.

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Thanks, I am actively looking. I agree with your view on diagnoses and doing the work

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All this stuff is textbook ADHD.

Also all this stuff is has a long history of labels (including anxiety and depression) that relate to how ADHD shows up differently for women than it does for men.

Check out Tracy Otsuka’s podcast:

https://adhdforsmartwomen.com/podcast

Welcome to the club of brilliant women with ADHD!

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With the massive caveat that I am not professional, my son has ADHD and question mark on autistic scale, one Dr said mildly autistic, one Dr said not at all, and although I totally get that a diagnosis can be a door to help, in the end looking at what is affecting your life most, and how to deal with it, I think is more important than whether the issue is from ADHD or autism or anxiety or whatever. That is what I learnt from the vagueness of my son’s diagnosis, anyway.
I also think a kind of perfectionism or black and white thinking can be a wall (there is so much to work on! I can’t do it all so it is pointless) but actually a little improvement here or a little reduction of stress there can really help get a negative spiral going in the opposite direction. I’m glad you are reaching out here and trying to see a professional. :purple_heart: Maybe they can help you focus on areas that are particularly affecting your quality of life right now, and suggest some concrete ways to deal with them.

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Thank you Matt, and I agree they are leaning that way, but they also can be signs of depression and anxiety. I feel like my brain is made of ropes and they are all tangled together.

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That’s how I feel too. I don’t know what the label is, but they all boil down to impulse control, so if I work on that it should help in multiple areas…

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Absolutely :+1: There’s a lot of threads and they co-exist, and sometimes they amplify one another.

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In the end a diagnosis is only helpful in as far as that we can get help that’s best suited to us. Psychiatric diagnoses aren’t comparable with somatic diagnoses at all. A broken leg has no overlap with appendicitis. For example. Like you say yourself it all overlapping, fluid, changing, part genetic, part upbringing, part environment. And in daily life often not helpful. Actually addiction is a good one. Is it a diagnosis as it is, or always a part of something else?

I also like to say be careful with what you read and hear here and anywhere online. The professional people that are educated, equipped and allowed to make psychiatric diagnoses, all make a point of not doing so online, based only on what they see online. Be well friend.

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If you had a magic wand and could make any changes you wanted, what would be the same about @Passerina_cyanea and what would be different?

If you are comfortable sharing :slightly_smiling_face: I am curious to understand more deeply the landscape you’re travelling in your journey here.

What’s on the map here? What are the landmarks? What are the compass points? What are the dangers?

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I think of it like a giant circle encompassing smaller circles inside it. The giant circle is the thing MOST wrong, while the inner circles overlap each other (Venn diagram) and are co-morbidities. ADHD, OCD, depression, anxiety, misophonia, tourettes, etc. I don’t know which one is the big circle, but everything seems to overlap. Is there a name that’s applied to the “big circle” when you have all these things? I’m waiting to get diagnosed as an adult so maybe I’ll have an answer soon.

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Thats a great way to look at it. Thank you

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I did meet with a new therapist and I think it will be a good fit. She also asked me about ADHD as I was describing my main issues about mental processing.

Regardless, I am working on mindfulness and impulse control. I have been doing dishes and laundry without something to entertain me. And also driving to and from work, which allows me to come up with questions and solutions and then let everything sink in on the way home. I agree that a lot of it is the endless data and entertainment available 24/7 in my pocket. I’m trying not to doom scroll but that’s its own issue.

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Thank you. I do have a great psychiatrist and a great PCP. I do have diagnosed anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder which I’ve had my whole life. But these new symptom Ms are getting to me. I have a huge problem with impulsive/compulsive behavior.

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First thing would be my impulsivity, which nowadays manifests in compulsive over eating, interrupting in meetings, saying rude or senseless things without meaning to, forgetting what I’m doing.

The over eating has always been a problem in my life and it’s soooo much harder to get a hold on it than drinking was. Food is the land mines.

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Hi, sounds like you have got a lot weighing on you at the moment. I can relate massively.

I was diagnosed as dyslexic as a kid, but later in life I started struggling with extreme social anxiety, communication problems, memory issues, and a lot of the things you are describing. It turned out I am autistic too. That diagnosis explained a lot of things I thought were just me being broken.

For years, alcohol was my crutch to survive social situations. It felt like it made me normal but it came at a serious cost to my safety and sanity. It led to self harm and sadly some suicide attempts when things got unbearable, especially after dealing with illness and loss in my family.

I could not even imagine being able to go to the cinema, get on a bus, or sit in a meeting without feeling like I was about to combust. Fast forward to now, I am nearly two years sober, married, have a little boy, and I even host cyber security talks at work in front of loads of people.

It is not easy. It is very hard at times. But it is absolutely worth it.

Getting a proper diagnosis helped me make sense of myself. It gave me language to explain why I struggled with things others found easy. It helped me understand that the gaps in my memory were from burnout and that the panic attacks were my body screaming for help.

I really encourage you to push for answers and not give up. Getting the right diagnosis can be life changing. It builds self acceptance and helps you realise you are not broken. Your brain just works differently.

And trust me, if people give you blank stares or funny looks when you talk, that is their problem, not yours. Fitting in is overrated. I wish someone had told me that sooner.

Find what makes you happy. For me, it is gardening, self improvement audiobooks, and throwing myself into cyber security. Hobbies that feed your mind and soul can make a huge difference.

Stay strong it will work out and will be worth it :flexed_biceps:t2:

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Thank you for sharing your story it means a lot to me and I’m glad you are still with us. How old were you when you got diagnosed as autistic? Thanks for the gentle push, I am seeing some medical folks (specialists and therapist) who I hope can help me figure out the cause. But I am also trying to work on some of the behaviors I want to change.

I also used to use drinking to get through social situations. I still don’t like big groups at work or volunteer or events. I am training myself to be an active listener and ask questions and I think it’s helping.

I also love gardening! This spring I’ve been outside in ours every chance I get.

I still do stupid shit like talk to my neighbor during a presentation or blurt out a silly idea at work. But I really am worried about the memory thing. Yesterday my partner said I’m going to target, need anything? And I told him what to get me. 15 minutes later he’s saying bye and I’m like where are you going? A lot of that is me being distracted but it also is making me worried .

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I was diagnosed five years ago and I’m 36 now. That memory stuff is all too familiar. I use my phones notes app every time I get sent to the shop or I’ll forget half the list and come back with the wrong stuff. It’s not easy but you’re clearly putting the work in. Keep going, it really does start to make a difference, good luck

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