So I’m a little over five months sober and I am experiencing a lot of the firsts. First holidays, first big stressful work event.
I was talking to a friend today as I was walking to my apartment past a bar (I live above a restaurant with a bar in it) and remarked ‘back when I was drinking I would stop and drink to calm my nerves’.
I thought about it and played the tape. Knew how it would end and just went on home upstairs. But that sinking feeling and anxiety about my situation (which partially stems from choices I made back while drinking) still is lingering.
Any advice on how to handle the anxiety and nervousness in the moment? I am glad I caught myself this time and white knuckled through it, but know from the Big Book that I will eventually cave to myself if I don’t find a better way.
Getting to a meeting in the morning - but hopeful for some advice tonight.
I just had nevous feelings earlier, the whole community gave me so much insight on the matter and I did my daily exersise and I feel a lot less nervous… sharing is the most powerful thing I felt like i could do to curb the feeling and it came back ten fold. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, makes me feel less alone
I am glad you made it thru the craving time successfully and are being thoughtful and open to adding to your sober toolbox. You got some great suggestions here and congrats on your 5 months and navigating firsts. I know it can feel daunting and weird, but it can and does become our new normal with time and as being sober becomes a natural part of our lives.
I used journaling, physical activity, yin yoga, meditation, putting myself to bed early, reading, dance party!, warm bath, walks, baking, breathwork, feeling my feelings, and reading my list of why I no longer drink to all be helpful at times to get me thru. I also found learning how to be okay with not always feeling okay was and is very helpful in my day to day life and learning that being anxious can pass if I feel it, acknowledge it, examine what my body is feeling…tight in my throat (do I need to get something out?), tight in my muscles (do I need to move my body physically), head feeling some way (maybe journaling it out). I try to remember that calming my body and mind with soothing things usually helps…nurture myself…or sometimes my anxiety needs to be worked out or expressed out.
Finally, when I need a good solid reminder of all I have fought so hard for, I will read my list of how I want to live my life. I will re read my private list of some of my worst moments to remind me of who I was and who I can let go of…she did her best…and now that I laid that burden down, I can turn to healthier ways of coping and being in the world.
I remind myself of who I am now and how I want to continue to live my life…some of that is below.
What I will gain from not drinking and how I want to live my life…
Feel healthy, clear and strong - mentally and physically
No hangovers ever!!
Treating my husband with respect and no drunk fighting
Self respect, confidence and esteem all get a major boost
No more internal conflict about drinking and if/how can I cut down or stop
Restful restorative uninterrupted sleep!!! (Finally, after years sober)
No waking up wondering where I am or who I am with
Major pride in myself and all that I have and can accomplish
A sense of peace and calm
No more embarrassment and shame because of my drunk behavior
Forgiving myself for past mistakes and terrible judgement
No wondering what I did or how I hurt husband or others while drunk
No treating people I love, including myself, poorly while drunk
No drunk driving and possibly hurting self or others or jail
No upset stomach from drinking
No anxiety and near constant agitation when hungover
No dark suicidal thoughts
No shame around neighbors if I was loud and yelling or loud music
No blackouts ever
No overwhelming shame at my behavior
No oversharing with strangers while drunk or making plans I will need to cancel
Not having to check my phone in the middle of the night to delete social media posts - no drunk texting/emails/posts/calls
Not be bloated and puffy and look haggard
Major pride in myself and a boost in self esteem
No hangovers ever again (this needs to be said twice!!!)
No more excuses or lies
Peace of mind
Self respect, self esteem, self confidence, self love
Glad you are asking the questions and setting the groundwork.
for a bit i had to take anxiety meds from my counselor at the time. the meds actually work better when you aren’t drinking and they did help. the counselor also helped me work through some lingering baggage… then when those moments popped up- i had lots of other tools to help get through. have you heard of the 99 coping skills? it’s mainly lots of ideas of things to do to help you cope with something, mainly small tasks. go for a walk, workout, try a new recipe, paint, draw, etc etc. think of all the things you used to enjoy doing- try those, try some new things. being physical through those moments helped a lot. and the anxiety got less and less over time.
You got this
