Anybody here recovering from love addiction?
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i am. started SLAA beginning of december. I am 2 days “sober” on my bottom lines today. this is an incredibly tough and painful addiction to kick.
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I dont really know anything about “love addiction” but i jave gone through many lengths to feel loved from other people. I’ve had relationship after relationship, toxic after toxic encounter to feel accepted and wanted by someone…anybody. since i met my current partner of going on 3 years, I feel I was lucky to have found him but honestly I wud give any Tom dick or Harry my love and affections if only to receive a miniscule amount back. I am grateful to have him but i have learned over time what real love looks like and it has changed alot of my perceptions around the love I have for myself. I don’t know if it’s at all related. But I have an inability to love myself and so i crave the affections of others to my own demise.
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i’ve heard it said that love addiction is “self love deficit disorder” and it absolutely is. anyone with real self esteem wouldn’t base their validation on toxic people and relationships.
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I’m lucky that I now have a loving partner but i basically could not go through life alone. I’ve always needed someone to love me to feel worthy. So even abusive partners i would say well atleast he loves me. Even friends…seeking validation from toxic friends that used me…and its not that i didn’t know I was being used. I just didnt wanna be alone.
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It is so hard. Seriously. My love addiction and I are in a co-dependent, relationship recycling addiction. It’s awful. We hang out, fall out/have some major confrontation, deescalate and rationalize getting back together because of our connection, then back to square 1; hanging out. We’ve “broken up” at least 8 times in the past 10 months. I’m fucking worn out.
I’m day 1. For the umpteenth time.
I can relate to this on several levels.
I’m so sorry ur struggling at the moment. Just try to know ur worth even if u can’t feel it. If someone is making u feel yucky about urself think about what the cost is of that companionship and try take ur feelings out of it. Sometimes pros and cons lists help me establish toxic relationships because I cant trust how i feel because they are based of false facts
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I really appreciate it. Right now I’m just trying my best to focus on being at peace with everything and letting go. The denial is the worst part; I’ve become an expert at rationalizing our behavior so resisting can get super tricky because I’m so good at convincing myself that everything will be okay or that I can be okay with him not wanting a relationship or that I can convince him that I’m worth committing to. Today has been a pretty quiet day. I’m mostly just staying still about everything and leaning away from the situation. I just hope I don’t end up recycling our relationship again.
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I get this, so much. It’s like a devil on the shoulder not whispering but yelling, “everything you’re doing is never good enough for anyone to enjoy, you’re failing right now!”
I just have to keep telling that prick to fuck off, again and again.
Self love is the hardest I’ve had to accept, telling myself I didn’t deserve happiness. Thinking it would appear when I was truly “ready”. Accepting the unconditional love of my husband and children was so daunting under those circumstances, I had a long trail of regrets I kept walking down as a weird mental punishment for previously being the kind to get strung out on others’ approval or temporary interest for years, the worst high to chase of all.
Fuck that devil on my shoulder, gave that asshole the highway about a month ago for good. I wasn’t living that lifestyle anymore but was still in the thought pattern. I was given a choice. Move on, or go back.
That shit will mess you up, for sure; real love doesn’t resemble the contorted ideas we’re marketed our whole lives, it’s something so different, and faced with it as a choice, it can be really intimidating, I think, when not prepared for it.
Hey, props to everyone here who’s still trying and doing it one day at a time, we’ll get there! 
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I appreciate the response. He and I have been back forth for almost 10 months. It’s definitely worn on my self-esteem and I’ve gone through severe phases of obsession, denial, eating issues, drinking, and more. I’m actually shocked about it all when I see the reality of it all here in text.
What are you doing to avoid engaging in your addiction? Is this your first time trying to quit?
the only solution is no contact for an extended period of time. you need to be away from your drug.
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Dear God. I hurt for you reading that. At my worst point throughout this, imI lost 15 pounds, I’ve had thoughts about killing myself, I showed up at his house 1 night after midnight unannounced, and I developed a very mild and controlled yet nonethelesss alcoholism. There was 1 entire day where I didn’t eat. The drinking has caused some debt as well. I’ve kept all of this a secret from him. Interesting how I’m furious for you but kinda numb for myself. We started getting involved while he was still in love with his ex. Now they are spending time together and working things out. He lied to me and told me once that she was 5 months pregnant. The news shattered me. Then I saw her at a bar a weekend ago. She’s not pregnant. That shattered me too.
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You’re right. And that’s exactly what I’m doing right now. I’ve almost completed Day 2. What are you doing to abstain from your drug? He and I live pretty close to eachother, we have a ton of mutual friends, and frequent the same places. It will be a challenge but I know I can do this. We need to regain our strength. We need to take back our power.
Thank you so much. I’ll check her out rn.
i recommend 12 step SLAA. this isn’t normal heartbreak stuff. it’s an addictive intimacy disorder and you need a sponsor and support. you will waste years of your life on it. heroin and alcohol doesn’t call you, doesn’t say i love you. toxic people do, keeping you caught in the addiction. it will take time to heal from the dysfunction, and u will need therapy and working a program.
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I really appreciate this, I’ve really been educating myself about codependency, love addictions, setting boundaries, relationship recycling etc. It helps to maintain clarity and steer away from denial. Today is Day #2. It’s been a strong day, lots of reflection, and minimal pain. The recovery is multi-layered. There are moments where I’m like “whatever, it didn’t work out,” then there are moments of terror. It will get better.
You’re right, it isn’t “regular” heartbreak, I don’t risk trying to underestimate how this has effected my life and I’m taking it very seriously. I’m educating myself about what resources are available to me and customizing my own approach.