Any tips staying sober when ur gf is abusive and drunk all the time?

My gf is a drunken narcissist i try to stay positive keep working and doing good she drinks in front of me and shits on me about everything i say…

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Maybe time to move on from that relationship? No one has to put up with that.

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Welcome. There is a great thread, where people share their experiences being with an alcoholic/addict
Are you affected by a loved one who’s an addict?

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Keep leading by example. Does she go to meetings and/or see a therapist? Any chance you can get her family to go in on a sort of intervention approach?

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Yes. Leave her. You deserve better. There is no reason to try coping with abusive behavior.

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It sounds like it’s time to set some boundaries and stick to them. My husband continued to drink heavily when I got sober and was verbally abusive. I had to keep reminding myself that he was a very sick person and his actions/words would be much different if he were sober. That was not the person I fell in love with years ago. I tried not to take it personally which is very hard to do. I continued to live by example and eventually he got sober. Now he’s back to being the man I married. Only you know if your relationship is worth saving. Sending you big hugs :people_hugging:

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My girlfriend doesn’t have an issue with drinking, nor is she abusive in any way, but she has been drinking a little more than usual this past week and is literally now. If that becomes a habit, and she has no interest in changing it, she’s gone.

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My girlfriend is also sober and it has been a very clear boundary for both of us that we cannot date someone who drinks. If that day comes, then we have to stick to our boundaries because our individual sobriety HAS to come first. I’m not trying to say everyone has to have these boundaries, but having boundaries that allow you to put your sobriety first and sticking to them will be a game changer. It wont be easy, especially if boundaries haven’t been set before, but it is necessary. Good luck :people_hugging:

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Simple, focus on you, get a new girlfriend or stay single while you focus on building up you good luck :pray::100:

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From my own experiences… If person doesn’t want to work on themselves, while you’re working on yourself, just… Leave them.

I know it can be hard, but sometimes you need to think of yourself and your safety and health. When I was with my ex close friend who is drug addicted, it was a lot hard for me to stay sober, while he always had drugs and sometimes even offered to me. I told him everything, he disliked it and didn’t do nothing about it. So I left. Now I feel much better, even if leaving him was such hard mess.

Ah… Narcistic person… This isn’t any better in your situation. Did you talk with her about this and explained your feelings? If yes, how she reacted? If she reacted with being mean at you or tried to manipulate you, it’s not good signal.
I was half year ago with narcistic girlfriend and it was hard, especially with part of manipulation when it came to argues.
It’s hard to be with narcistic person, when they don’t work on their disorder. Does she go to therapy sessions?

Sending a lot of hugs. I’m proud of you that you stay positive and sober even in this hard situation. Please remember about your health and if you will decide to leave her, you’re not alone. We all are here for you. :heart:

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It can be the case that loved ones don’t appreciate the sober person because sober is different. They loose their power over the addict and have to get to know the sober person. That’s a lot of change and can be everything from scaring to embarrassing to people around us. Plus partners still using/drinking loose their using/drinking buddy.

There’s no obligation to let someone treat you shitty. A talk about what’s really behind this behaviour could help both of you to understand each other better. And there have to be boundaries for protecting your sobriety. It might get better with more sober time under your belt. It’s your relationship and only you know how to continue. Counselling could help to develop a healthier together. Sending you strength. ODAAT

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Have more respect for yourself and send her packing.

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Dump her, don’t sell yourself short.

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Looking after yourself has got to be your first priority. By what you described, you need to pull the ladder up and leave her behind.

My brother has been in a relationship with someone bad for him until recently, I was so concerned about his mental health. The personal he was involved with really destroyed the confident brother I knew, that would never have been okay with some of these things he had put up. His boundaries were destroyed, and his self esteem was shot.

A few weeks ago he finished the relationship, and I couldn’t be happier for him. It’s better to be a single pringle if it means reclaiming yourself, and restoring your boundaries and expectations for a relationship. I told him to get back out there and start doing the things he did before his ex came along. He has gone back to rowing, getting out in walking groups and meeting friends again. I’m so very very happy for him.

You don’t have to stand for this narcissistic person in your life. She is in self destruct mode, and she’s trying to take you down with her. You cannot make her change, but you can carve a new happier, healthier life for yourself. You deserve better than that. I say be brave, and walk away.

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Some tough. Love my young man.
You ready?
You must get out of that relationship if you truly want to be sober.
That’s just step one. You got a 100 to go!
You’re trying to quit your most intimate relationship you have; your drug of choice. It’s been in control of your life since you started. You love it, it loves you, you’d do anything for it.
Can’t get involved in drugs or alcohol again in your life If you want to be sober, but you can find a new girlfriend.

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Love how everyone is quick to bash the very people we all used to be. Wonder what your exes think of all of you from active addiction?

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This bashing on a third person we know nothing about based on the little information the OP gave is not serious nor helpful. It shows the demons the various posters are confronted with and don’t offer real help. Please don’t mirror your expectation on others.

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You have to leave her bc this is extremely toxic. There is literally no other option. You’re being abused & your sobriety is in danger…This is a very scary, sad combination. :frowning: Please take care of yourself, friend.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: (800) 799-7233

Men’s Resources for Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault

Invisible Victims: When Men Are Abused

Men’s Domestic Violence Group: Everything You Need to Know

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