I have struggles with multiple additions, some i actually see as a addictions others i am kind of in doubt. I have both physical and mental health problems which make me feel horrible most of the time.
I am trying to run away from it most of the time by using unhealthy coping skills. I struggle with staying away self harm, alcohol, cannabis, benzodiazepines and opioids.
It all started with not being able to handle to deal with the pain caused by my physical disability and the emotional pain caused by the things that happend in my childhood. I found out that those things work to not have to deal with the pain.
Since i started i always said that i can definitely quit without problems, i am coming back from that. I have tried to stop with all of it but my Records number of days i can reach still not get over 25 before i relapse if i even get close to that day. At some day there always is a moment i say fuck it and i will do it again en will relapse and get even worse…
I am lost in the recovery journey, i have had so many people give me advise only to do kind of the opposite, even though i know they are right. I keep getting back to destroying myself.
I hope this time i actually am able to get sober and keep it that way. But i have my doubts about it looking back at all the other times i have said that.
Anyone that can give me some advise on how i get myself to actually commit to staying sober? A huge amount of love if you have been reading all of this!
What have you tried so far? What got me sober was AA. I was very doubtful, but basically the next thing was rehab (nothing wrong with rehab if you need it, but I really wanted to avoid it) so I gave AA a try. Like a real try, I would finish all the steps, try several types of meetings for months. It worked. It doesn’t have to be AA, could be SMART or Recovery Dharma, but whatever it is commit to doing it to the best of your ability for several months.
Sounds like you already have all the suggestions, just not the willingness to follow them. No shame in that, many of us have been there. It takes what it takes sometimes. You have to be the one commit, no one here can do it for you.
What are you doing to address the reasons you use? I feel like if all you do is take stuff away from your life that you use to cope, it’s no wonder you turn back to old habits. Maybe start addressing your physical and emotional stuff before you get so down on yourself for slipping. 25 days is your record? That’s great. Are you like white knuckling life that whole time? Now that I’m trying to be sober if I kept going about things the same way as when I drink I would relapse in a single weekend. I need to for example not sit alone and watch TV for three days on the weekends and wonder why I feel so bored and lonely and think only how easy it would be to stop feeling bored if I was numb instead. I need to address boredom and loneliness or I’ll keep going back to drinking.
It helps me when I remember how bad I feel after it’s all said and done! And also don’t see things as triggers but test you already know how to pass JUST FOR TODAY
This is sort of how I’ve been thinking too. Sometimes I want to reset the counter daily because I think today is the only day I gotta get through, and I don’t want to get cocky looking at a large number of days and lost my humility. Just a thought, strategizing helps my get through the day.
I committed myself to be very active here. Started attending AA and committed to that as well. Found a sponsor and then confessed my lies about using and committed to honesty no matter what.
Honesty at all costs, community, and accountability.
I was just like you until 42 days ago. Literally for 2.5 years I couldn’t get past 10 to 14 days.
I always heard this and thought it was shit until finally one day I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to use……
Knowing and accepting are two different things. My bottoms had to keep hitting different lows until I surrendered. I had all the tools in place already. I surrendered a few other things that week, like my job, as I couldn’t manage much else except not drinking and going to online meetings, IOP, etc. I’m rooting for you and hope you stop digging.