I have had lots of childhood trauma and military trauma. I just started EMDR therapy which I hope will help.
I’m pretty sure I have adhd that amplifies my ptsd/mst. And I’m in the military…
Anyone else feel they have to struggle alone?
You can’t let anyone at work know you are having trouble- you’ll be shamed, looked down on, passed over for promotion, kicked out, etc.
You can’t get medication or you’ll run into a medical profile review and then the entire clinic knows your buisness…
You can’t be in therapy for longer than 6 months consecutively. Or you’ll start a medical profile review, and could get kicked out.
I have kiddos that have special needs and there is no other parent or family members to help. I have great friends but I’ve don’t have any for longer than a few years that I live around.
I write all this because I have troubles calming down and relaxing after a busy and loud day of work, then I resort to alcohol. The one thing we are authorized to use.
It dulls the painful electricity rubbing under my skin and around my brain. But I’ve gotten so fat and unhealthy in every way.
I used to think I was able to manage my anxiety, depression, etc fairly well. And then I got the kids.
I know what I need to do, how to do it, and I have the stuff to do it. I even built a little gym but I can’t get myself to do what I need to do.
I get so defeated.
Sorry this is all over the place but I feel like all I do is give up on myself. I’ve tried to be sober more times than I can count.
I know I’m not alone but I feel so alone.
Welcome back @Jaylee you are not alone in this. You now can depend on this sober community for support
Not alone at all 
I am US military and though I have had no combat experience I’ve definitely had some mental health issues due to the things we did.
I would say that it certainly affects my ability to cope healthily and it is not only frowned upon to get help in some cases but resource limited - since I’m not in operational unit anymore I’ve been trying for months to get help and have had zero success or progress. I’ve actually had better help paying out of pocket for a few sessions but that’s not sustainable financially for me.
Whatever your struggles, whatever your reasons, I feel for you, friend. Let me know if you ever need anything.
If you’re interested in other resources there are programs that are truly anonymous that aren’t really tied to your clinic or chain of command; I’ve linked a post where some of these have been shared.
Thank you for your words and that link.
I’m in such a small unit adapt is kinda out of the question.
I’ve also tried the Avenue of going outside of the network. But man, like you wrote, that can get pricy…
Thank you again
You are not alone. I completely get what you are going thru. To be honest, i served 22 years. I served 17 of that and went to AA. Of those 22 years i was aviation. Keep the hard work up. Stay sober