Sometimes watching TV, there are drug scenes. Sometimes you know it’s coming and you can prepare and sometimes bam there’s drugs or drug use right in your face with no warning… does anyone else get triggered by this?
My goddaughter was over on sunday and she wanted to watch the new episode of “Euphoria”… now I’ve seen the show before so I know there’s a lot of drugs in the show… she doesn’t know about my addiction struggle with cocaine, and we are choosing to keep it that way for a few reasons. So I couldn’t really give her a good reason why we couldn’t watch it. Also I haven’t been able to see her since before COVID so I wanted to do whatever she wanted to do to make sure she had a good time…
When the drug scenes came on, and there are A LOT of them, I got up from the couch and pretended I had to go to the bathroom or got up to do dishes… anything I could think of to excuse myself from watching without giving myself away… but I still saw bits and still heard it.
I find myself VERY triggered by this. I’ve been thinking of cocaine and romanticizing the high ever since…
Does anyone else feel this way? And how do you deal with it? What’s helpful for you? How do you talk yourself out of it?
Happens to me all the time whenever there’s an intimacy or sex scene, even if it’s relatively low-key. My history with porn makes that difficult: my mind starts running off into these fantasies, and it seems to get stuck there.
I will flat out just leave the movie or tv show if I don’t feel comfortable. You can make up a reason if you want. Something like “I had a friend die from drug use” maybe?
The thing is, it’s in the hiding that our addictions thrive. They flourish in those dark corners where we’re trying to keep secrets. That’s what’s creating the sense of being trapped that you’re feeling here. Coming here on TS helps you stay safe
I know it’s hard because she’s your goddaughter and you may not feel it’s appropriate, and obviously that’s ok. But you do what you need to do to stay sober. You have permission to do anything that is safe and legal, to stay sober. It’s your priority.
You’re a good person and you deserve a safe life where you can be your full self.
Something I don’t often share with people is that I have a pretty violent personality. Even sober I will get urges to hurt people and things – stronger urges than those to use… Sometimes this is triggered by violent images on TV or scenes in books. I often find myself walking out of movies or closing my eyes and quietly going over the words of a song that comforts me.
As I continue to resist, resistance becomes easier. I no longer fear watching some movies with “righteous violence” like lord of the rings or the avengers because the violence is dissociate from the urge to cause harm. I can NEVER EVER see movies or shows like Dexter or true crime because his violence is calm, calculated, and severely triggering. Perhaps one day I will get there but if I don’t, I’m not concerned – I know that I’m not missing out on much
In general, though, since I also have a sex addiction like Matt, I tend to stay away from movies and shows that are rated R, TV-MA, etc because they have little or nothing to contribute to my life. It has actually made me happier too!
And I totally agree with making something up to defend your behavior if you’re still concerned about sharing the truth. Until you are comfortable, you don’t need to cater to anyone else. Your boundaries with your addiction are the MOST IMPORTANT THING in your life if you want to stay sober.
Alcohol is EVERYWHERE!! Even a family sitcom will show casual beer and wine drinking. It drives me crazy. I would love to have a glass of something after a long day just like the people on tv!!
Even alcohol abuse can be glossed over. Recently on And Just Like That they dealt with Miranda’s drinking problem in about FIVE minutes. She just said “I’m drinking too much” and they just solved the problem by drinking sparkling apple juice instead. Fuck me!!
My eyes and mind are fragile. They overheat easily with too much stimuli. I still have no access to TV and that’s probably a good thing. But I still have to be careful to limit the amount of images that I take in. That includes everything within sight and mind. TV, movies, YouTube, internet, advertisements, people outside, at the restaurant, or in the store, everything…
For me, it’s just easier to not look than it is to look without lusting. So yeah, I obviously relate to this a lot.
Thank you all for the good input and advice. I wish I read it all sooner. Unfortunately I relapsed Monday night and all day yesterday, hence why I am answering now. Just like that 37 days back down to 0.
This is the part i have to work on in my recovery, if i still think about using and i relate it to good times, fun an joy and all happy things I’ll have no problem continuing on with my use. But if i remember being strung out for days on end drinking excessive amounts of hard liquor to bring me down staying in a cheap hotel wanting to end my life, its not a very glamorous memory, a dark reminder of where my drug use has lead me. An i dont want to end up back in that nightmare.
Well you made it right back here and your honest thats a big thing, wish you well and hope you’re able to avoid another slip🙂we’re all here if we can help you in any way just reach out
We walk a tight rope. I also have a lot of difficulty with TV and Movies. Like what @Matt and @KevinesKay were saying, letting myself be exposed to that stimuli is like handing the bottle to an alcoholic.
If you aren’t aware of it, there are a lot of filter services out there. We use VidAngel. It’s like $5/month. You can filter any sort of content, even down to references of drug use, not just flat out drug use. It’s been great being able to watch the shows we really want to watch without fear that some unnecessary graphic scene is going to show up.
I always think of the blinders a horse might have when hes dragging a carriage, sometimes thats what i need just learn to divert my eyes from something i know that can be damaging. Thats a good suggestion vid angle
It really is great. You can create saved preferences as well. I filter any nudity at all. Any time I load a new movie/show the filter is already active. I don’t even need to go in and review all the descriptions of the potentially bad scenes I might encounter.
We also tend to filter the F Word from our viewing. For certain movies (i.e. 21 Jump Street), that can make the movie a bit choppy, since it mutes the word.
So very sorry to hear. It is hard, the triggers…life. I hope you are feeling more resolute and positive today.
Idk, but maybe opening up with your goddaughter might help in some way if this comes up again. Often times having that release and discussion helps me work it thru in my mind.
So…I was staying at a very old friend’s over this weekend. We partied together for years. At one point she mentioned she had cocaine if I felt like doing some (we used to do it a lot together). I had to sit with that for a bit. And think about why I would want to … where it would lead … who I am now vs who I was. I said no. But it crossed my mind for sure even after 6 years clean of coke. I just don’t want to be spending energy looking for it, feeling shitty about myself, chasing a high that doesn’t even feel good, and all that other shit. That crap dragged me down and I wasted so much of my life and mental energy on NOTHING…literally a drug. I deserve WAY more in life. Getting free of that fantasy of coke being fun…that was huge for me.
Thank you. You’re describing exactly what I’m going through right now. I’m chasing those fantasy of coke being fun and then when I do it I just get anxiety and pick at my skin. It’s not fun, it consumes me and I hate it after, even during I hate it but still finish the bag…
Last night when I was winding down from my high, my husband came to bed and I opened up to him. I had been hiding this all from him, but I chose to be honest and reach out and ask him for help. Not only do I feel better now having open communication for support. And I feel better that I decided to open up and ask for help rather than waiting until I was caught to accept help.
I couldn’t even watch TV, in fact in early sobriety I had to stop everything I enjoyed bc it was all associated with alcohol and drugs. Now I get to re watch all the things I forgot I watched while wasted, unfortunately its only when I get to the end of a movie that it suddenly dawns on me I’ve seen it and know how it’s about to end
I try to avoid watching television when I can. If I watch something that contains drugs, it’s usually docu-mini series, and the drug use isn’t really glorified. Usually it makes me laugh at the people acting fairly dumb because they’re on serious stuff.
I’ll usually watch cartoons and there are jokes about drugs. That’s mostly it
I remember getting annoyed by commercials about alcohol when I first got sober, so I would watch stuff on streaming services
I’ve watched a ton of videos about drugs, such as Hamilton’s Pharmacopeia. I don’t know why it’s not triggering, but I’ve done cocaine before, a fair bit of times in high school…whilst I thought it felt amazing at the time, it is inevitably a massive waste of money, and fairly overrated. Looking back on it, I never really saw it as enjoyable if I compare it to other things like breaking a sweat on a nature hike, for instance
