So ive felt quite a big shift in my personality lately…im just under 10 months sober…ive done alot of work on myself and my sobriety in this time…ive noticed lately how one one hand im alot more relaxed and chill but on the other im becoming much less tolerant of people and their BS …like before i was an absolute people pleaser but now i care much less about doing that in favour of pleasing myself instead…this is not to the detriment of others im not that person but where i used to feel the need to constantly need the approval of others now i kinda dont really need it…i think this is a good thing right?
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Good for you for doing the work! Sounds like you are building some solid foundations.
Why are you questioning yourself, or what is it that you are questioning?
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I think a lot of us people pleased in addiction to some degree… In our heads it forgave us some of our sins and allowed to justify continuing our destructive path.
Once we no longer need to tolerate or accept things just to “keep the peace” we naturally begin to allow ourselves to be intolerant of things which we disagree with.
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Yes! I am much less apologetic about myself these days. In fact, part of my work is to not apologize for things that aren’t even offenses and flipping them into gratitude statements. Like instead of apologizing for not understanding something right away, I say something like, “Thanks for explaining it again because I am still unclear.” Instead of sorry I’m running behind, I say, “Thanks for being so patient.” I have a ton of allergies and eating issues that made dining with people awful. Instead of apologizing for them, I say, “Thanks for understanding that this can be challenging for me.” It’s been empowering.
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You’re doing great. You think more clear when your mind is sober
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I guess im trying to understand this new perspective i have, i didnt expect it… i could be over thinking it too ha, i think this journey has made me more compassionate to those struggling yet less so to those who judge those people or discount them because they have problems if that makes sense
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Same for me, this time I feel like I changed a lot. It’s kinda like the last relapse had to happen to get me where I am today. Not that I liked the relapse, but sometimes things must happen to make you able to see things differently.
I was able to work on many things from my past, to forgive my family.
I understand more and more why people do what people do. The last big thing for me was to understand why I act in some situations the way I do. Awesome!
No people pleasing any more, I set healthy boundaries. And why are we worried what other people might think about us? People are busy with themselves almost all the time, so no need to worry.
So yes, it’s a good thing 
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I had to go to wake last week for my dear great uncle…my family is pretty dysfunctional there is alot of bs with people who pretend to get on on the face of it then never speak again until the next necessary gathering…now before i would have made a huge effort with literally everyone but now i just think i dont need to do that and i didnt, i wasnt rude or anything, i spoke and was polite out of respect but that was where it ended…i watched my mother go around people pleasing just like i used to…
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Wow eye opener this thread thank you one of my problems since starting therapy is my people pleasing when i wasnt drunk especially with women cause of past things when i was younger. It makes sense now to me cause all the crap i caused while drunk i tried to make up for and was always trying to please people or not disapoint them. Love this forum so helpful on my journey
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Im so happy this is helping you too, imagine a world where you dont feel you have to keep making up for things hey? Thank you sobriety 
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It’s amazing what changes in our life! My life is 180 degrees different. I love when you recognize a huge shift in your recovery, it’s a spiritual awakening for me. Keep up the good work and hope to hear of many more positive posts from you. Huge thing to have some noticable serenity at 10 months.
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I mean I am a pro at overthinking so i get ya on that 
It sounds like you are surprised because you hadn’t necessarily been consciously working on shifting these behaviours but you have noticed it happening anyway?
It is cool when things start falling into place! Sometimes we need to remind ourselves to enjoy that, ha. Also remember that this is part of the journey, it all is, there will be more shifts and realisations to come 
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I havent conciously worked on them no but i do think its a byproduct of gaining self confidence that is more than welcome. Ive noticed im seeing more struggles in others too and want to help them…just the other day a girl im friendly with who is one of the other mums at my daughters school…its just got really sunny here and she was wearing a skirt and vest top…so shes explaining herself to me how shes had to wear it because shes too hot…etc etc shes not small in stature n its obvious shes feeling uncomfortable with herself but she looks totally fine…she did this same thing for the next couple of days…on the last day i took her to one side once everyone had gone and i told her…Emma, you really dont need to keep explaing yourself to me and being so concious of how you look, you are a lovely girl and you look absolutely fine, this world is hard enough without having a go at yourself every day, the next day she said she had happy tears on her way home…i think that is golden…not because ive done something nice but because i now have enough peace in myself that i can see others struggling and try to help…once over i would have never noticed that because of my own struggles…
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It is a common thing to experience. Is good or not? That I am honesty unsure of…
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Yes. If you are engaged with your recovery and focused on self-growth and discovery, this will be one of many paradigm shifts that are complete gifts of sobriety. Inspired by you, friend.
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Thank you friend 
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I went through the same thing. I care less about what others think and learned how to set hard boundaries. The people who dont like it or feel attacked in my experience were the ones trying to control me or get something from me. In other words. F*** Em. 
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I’ll caveat this post by saying I haven’t been sober very long - just 14 continuous days although I’ve only drunk alcohol on two nights since Feb. 21st. Even in this short time I’ve already begun to notice the mass delusion the WORLD has about alcohol, and the insidiously high amount of subconscious messaging sent to us in ads and media and social settings that alcohol is fun and good and will make us more relaxed, confident, popular, happy, etc. I’m also more aware of the ubiquity of suffering and how much posturing and fakeness there is. I know AA is a recovery program that works for some and not others, but I have to say that I have found more compassion, authenticity, honesty, hope, and faith in those rooms than anywhere else in my entire life, including church and among close friends.
Sobriety has been a tremendous gift and I’m working to undo the conscious and subconscious programming of my brain and connect to others and a higher power. However, sometimes I find this new perspective to be overwhelming, isolating (when out in the “real” world), and depressing. It almost feels like TOO much truth, too much realness. To see things as they really are and all of the suffering… combined with the fact that I don’t have alcohol to numb these feelings… it can be too much.
I have depression anyway and am going to be getting help for it, but I’m wondering if some of that is being fueled by really “seeing” things as they are. I also think about death a lot and the transience of everything. Idk… sometimes I kinda want to go back to being - yes I’ll say it - selfish and delusional! If only to have a break from this relentless reality. Anyone else deal with these kinds of feelings and if so, how did you manage them?
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I so agree with this 
since getting sober ive noticed just how much alcohol is in all our lives, personally if it was up to me id have the whole thing taken off tv, radio, advertising everything, the brainwashing needs to stop asap!!
I have depression too…something ive learned is to try to keep myself from slipping into negative thinking because that can become a habit just like any other …so when something happens that is bad or feels bad i try to flip it and find something positive out of it…its usually there if you look hard enough…it takes daily work but by doing this ive found im starting to do this automatically…have read anything about positive psychology?
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Oh yes, Catmama. I’ve felt all these feelings. Recovery can lead us to existential thinking, married with depression, it can be quite a rough ride. My AA group is a great release for this kind of situation for me. Very spiritual group. Hang in there, and don’t be afraid of the soul-searching you are going thru. While extremely uncomfortable at times, this is the growth that leads us to more “good stuff”, in my case, more freedom from fears of what lies ahead. One day at a time, dear friend.
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