I’m struggling to quit drinking and my husband has no interest in stopping or supporting my decision. Drinking is something we do together, since date one, and every day since. Initially we had so much fun, but now it’s just numbing. We have built a life around it. We have tried to incorporate rules (not before 4pm, or we will only hv 4, etc…it doesn’t work. It’s been 11 yrs and I’m worried about the impact it’s already having physically and mentally.
I’m tired of feeling crappy, waking up with anxiety and shame, staring at the ceiling between 1-4am. He’s always used beer to manage his back pain and says it’s the only thing that relaxes him. I know it’s my responsibility to take care of myself but I don’t know how to do it without his help. Anyone else trying to quit but having it right in front of them daily? I’ve tried cutting back, but for me it feels like all or nothing.
Welcome. This is a great thread
Are you affected by a loved one who’s an addict?
You certainly have an extra challenge if your partner is dead set on keeping drinking. You have to lovingly separate your recovery from their addiction.
You’ll find lots of people on here who have partners who drink or use the sober person’s drug of choice, myself included.
I’m 3+ sober from alcohol because I hated what it was doing to me too. My husband of 8 years who was also my drinking buddy for 20 years still drinks. He also still smokes cigarettes and I also quit that 2+ years ago.
It isn’t easy. My sobriety is 100% worth it though and so is yours.
Let him do what he’s going to do and get down to quitting for your own sake. If he is actively impeding your sobriety efforts then you have a problem. If you want that change, choose to make it every day. Life is better sober. He’ll follow or he won’t.
Welcome Elliebug.
Great topic. You’re not alone. Check out that thread Flo posted.
My wife and I drank and drugged since date 1 as well. Loved the way you put that. We had 36 years of drinking under our belt before I sobered up.
I got almost all my support here for my sobriety. My wife supported me, but she made it clear and said she still gonna drink. And she did! A lot! She never asked me to go sober. I threw a huge wrench into our marriage.
I focused all my time here and on my sobriety and I’m enjoying a sober life. After almost a year maybe less of sobriety I quit focusing on my sobriety and started focusing on HER drinking. I made myself miserable. Read that again.
I MADE MYSELF MISERABLE. I went to Al-anon meetings. It’s a great 12 step program. I cried my eyes out for the first few meetings. It helped me for my sobriety and it saved my marriage and most importantly my life.
It isn’t easy. I got support. I Asked for help. And I learned everything I could about addiction, especially I learned from people that succeeded through it.
Learn and stick with the winners.
See ya around.
You are not alone. My husband and I bonded by drinking, drugs and partying and lived that lifestyle for 20+ years together before I got sober 8+ years ago. It took me quite some to really understand and internalize that I could get sober next to a drinking partner. That my sobriety was my job and his sobriety or not was 100% his responsibility. It wasn’t easy, no lie. We had all those rules, or I did, yeah, that’s called bargaining and it doesn’t work. Nor does moderation. At least not for me. It was really really challenging not drinking with someone drinking next to me or a party at my house. I put myself to bed early A TON. Or headed out for a walk, a run or the gym.
For me, I had to turn my focus onto myself and how to take care of me (versus worrying about him). Getting sober was vitally important for my mental and physical health, but truly for my mental health and self esteem and self love.
I did get my husband to understand absolutely no wine in the house (my alcohol of choice at the time of my sobriety).
I read a ton of quit lit, stayed on here constantly, worked out a lot, cried a lot, laid in bed, took long baths, anything but drink.
My husband still drinks. I don’t. Maybe someday he will quit, that’s on him. It isn’t easy, but it can be done. Take it one minute at a time. I never regretted choosing sobriety. 
Some books that really helped me…
This Naked Mind by Annie Grace
Quit Like A Woman by Holly Whitaker
We Are The Luckiest by Laura McKowen
@Elliebug Hi and welcome to the greatest recovery app in existence 
I’m glad you made it to us.
I’ve nothing really to add to the excellent suggestions above 
My story is a bit different I got sober 20+ years ago through AA and with the full support of my wife.
After I came out of rehab there was no alcohol in the house. It’s what I needed but my wife made that choice.
When I was about 3 years sober we decided that we could have some wine in the house, I hasten to add for her consumption only.
And, it’s stayed that way, she drinks 1 bottle of prosecco a week 
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In AA we say that we have no control over people, places or things.
It’s what we do about it, as the ONLY thing you have control over is YOU.
Your husband is a grown adult perfectly capable of making his own life decisions.
You really need to concentrate on your sobriety and lead by example, and just maybe he’ll tag along.
This is a great place to get support, have a rant or even have a laugh. All of the members have or are going through the same as you, and some are coping with exactly what you are dealing with.
Going forward you could try a more structured recovery program, such as AA, SMART, etc meetings can be online or in person.
I wish you well on your journey and remember your not alone in this we are here for you.
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Yes.
I got sober 15 months ago without my husband. He still drinks 6 days a week, and is drunk 4 times a week.
It was very hard the first few months but I knew I needed to sober up or I might die of alcohol poisoning.
About 6 months sober, I tried controlling his drinking and then things got real bad. It’s never good to try and control another person.
So, I re-focused on my sobriety and enjoying life (sometimes without him because he’d rather drink).
But I feel good. I’m happy. I’m enjoying life. I enjoy his company too, when he’s not drunk.
Currently I am 22 days sober, my BF drinks daily. Should he quit, absolutely for health reasons, but it’s his path. I’m on my own path and choose to be sober. I kinda hope some days that my sobriety will rub off on him, he’s gone years prior to us, without drinking. Our relationship started with daily drinking together. Was our thing, but I can’t continue to drink anymore. So I choose sobriety.
By husband is a daily drinker, and gets drunk a couple of times a week. You just have to get used to forging your own path. There is no pressure from him for me to drink, but I’m sure deep down he misses our sessions. It’s tough though when the drink is there and the sun’s out. Fortunately I have space in the house to take myself away and do something different until the initial urge passes. Once that first wave has been ridden it’s not to bad.