Dear folks, I need a vent, rant, outlet, not quite knowing where this post will go.
I AM PISSED 
I am so pissed off my ex I wish this - oh I even don’t know how to call that - would make poooof and I would be released from him. Like in a comic.
This annoying ex came to the farm today and if I hadn’t been there he AGAIN had thrown away stuff from me and claimed stuff from me being his 
And my gut feeling for the trial appointment next friday tells me to tell my lawyer to fucking grill this asshole. No more postponing, derailing, egotrips or whatever fuckery else he wants. Close.that.fucking.case.
I went so mad today I bluntly throw in his face that his fucking swigging caused the big bang and the farm is only mutual property because I fucking payed for it, loved him, believed in him and a life together until we’re old and grey, and I was a fucking stupid chicken without head when I decided to make the worst mistake of my life.
I think I reached the point where I just want him out and off the farm and my life. To my big surprise I was angry today, pissed, again speechless about his behaviour and non-communication but one thing was absent: Love. Not a single moment I looked at him and saw the man I once loved. Obviously approaching the 2 year mark in may casts it’s shadow. Maybe I’m fed up with fuckery for the rest of my life. For sure I cried in the supermarket when I saw the oranges because I loved to make us fresh orange juice for years. I stopped like so much because he was absent, lost interest, I didn’t want to pamper him and be nice when he drank … I clearly saw the path of deterioration our relationship took staring at a box of oranges, crying.
FUBAR. fucked up beyond repair. i thank @Soberbilly for this. It hits the point.
Now I’m home with steak & potatoes awaiting a friend late afternoon for a marvellous dinner. And I’m grateful I don’t ask myself anymore why this (quality time) wasn’t doable in our marriage. I know the answer, it’s the same for everything: He doesn’t care. The End.
Thanks for letting me get this out. Feel a lot better now and rest a bit before I start cooking.