So you asked him to come back?
Or told him you want him back?
That’s what I’m reading.
You know, I cannot imagine your pain. It’s been 2 years I think you said a few posts ago. Your heart still hurts. It’s been broken terribly. I guess deep down you still want it too work. And I don’t blame you. It must be so hard. Maybe you needed that final closure. Maybe you were just HALT. Maybe you just had a codependent slip. I think that’s ok. I know you’re probably beating yourself up enough.
You know through that book “Opening Our Hearts Transforming Our Losses.” I learned we are going through a lot of grief. Grieving takes time. It’s possible you’re still grieving your marriage. There’s no time line to get over that. I’m grieving what I thought our marriage was going to be like in our bronze years. And it’s hard. But we are still together. Like I’ve mentioned 10 hours or so of the day it’s good. And I’m grateful for that.
I would think the grieving process in your case would take longer. And it’s got to be exhausting always being so strong. And having to take care of everything ALWAYS. I’m glad to came to vent. Sorry for your circumstances that brought you here. As long as we keep learning and when we get knocked down we get up again. It’s ok to feel the shit today. Hopefully you’ll feel less shitty tomorrow.
Thank you friend
I told him I want him back. And I feel a lot better today surprisingly. Maybe this is a weird form of grief. I still grieve a lot, I did good during summer, maybe that’s a normal wave that’s due to come and go.
Today’s interaction was ok.
He takes the waste stuff to the waste disposal, I will collect and sort the stuff that is dotted around the buildings. We still make a good team - when he participates.
I’m grateful he talked to the workers about the second wall, now it’s clear how to build it.
I was persistent in finding out about the health issues he mentioned and finally he talked about it a bit. Sounds serious, checkup in progress. I told him I’d be there for him when he wants to. We’ve been there for each other since 1998 exept the last 2 years.
Life can be complicated and love can be bullshit. I’m tired of both.
So true and well said. I do hope it gets easier for you love. I’m sorry to hear that your ex isn’t doing well health wise. Grateful that you can there for each other in a time of need
Made it through another sleepless night tossing and turning, nightmares. Up at 4am (the same hour my son ODed a few time’s) wondering if he made it through the night. I tell ya folks it’s a living hell that consumes my thoughts daily and nightly. It’s so hard not to want to try to find some kind of escape from it all. However, I know good and well they don’t make a drug or drink stronger than a mother’s love. I’m not going to do anything stupid I just wanted to vent somewhere. Thanks to anyone who listened.
My 21 year old son who is struggling with addiction just stopped by and asked for the title to his KLX dirtbike. I guess he’s selling it for hardly nothing for drug money. Now I’m scared he’s going to OD again because he’s not been using or using much as far as I can tell for a couple week’s. I’ve got to teach today and I’m going to try to not let this consume my entire thoughts even though I know it will. Such as sad way to start a beautiful day. I still can’t hardly understand how you go from being an AMA National champion to this life. Thank you to anyone whose listening. I just needed somewhere to put my thoughts this morning.
Big hugs my friend. I don’t even have words cause as a mother I can’t imagine how you wouldn’t worry or think about your son.
.I am hoping that he remains safe. Grateful that you did come here to share your thoughts and to process this as it should not be weighing solely on your shoulders. Here for you
Geeze I was just reading you on another thread how much we have in common. Over 4 years sober and married to an alcoholic. And we got this too My son was an alcoholic with BiPolar 1 when he was 21. Spent his 21st birthday in a psych ward. He’s recovered now.
It’s just so heartbreaking, what you are going through with your son. I can’t believe you can even get up out of bed. It’s so hard. There were days I couldn’t do anything but get up and cry especially those days my son was locked down in the psych ward. It sure brought me to my knees to god. It’s a special kind of hell I would not wish on anyone.
Have you been to Al-Anon? That’s the only thing that saved me. And there was no firehose to put out my pain and agony. It was a slow process of just being with people that understood.
You know he doesn’t want to be like this. He’s still that beautiful boy you love. Gosh I’m going to start crying. I don’t know. I’d get to an Al-Anon meeting as soon as I could. And I kept going back. They do have some specifically for parents. But for now. Just get your ass in a seat.
I’m around if you ever need to chat or pm or whatever.
I’m so sorry. Your family is going through this.
I tell ya folks it’s a living hell that consumes my thoughts daily and nightly. It’s so hard not to want to try to find some kind of escape from it all. However, I know good and well they don’t make a drug or drink stronger than a mother’s love. I’m not going to do anything stupid I just wanted to vent somewhere. Thanks to anyone who listened.
Much love to you and yours 
My son was an alcoholic with BiPolar 1 when he was 21. Spent his 21st birthday in a psych ward. He’s recovered now.