Time to revive this wonderful thread. Not only because there have been lots of posts/threads recently about relationship issues. I revive it for me. For an update.
Yesterday it was 1000 days of separation from my ex. I had a counter for it. Why? To keep tracking. To remind myself. Of what? Very different things along this way. At first there was anger, frustration, hurt. And hope. That he will realize his drinking and related behaviour destroyed our relationship. That he will be willing to work on both, drinking and relationship. Never happened. We’ve been divorced for 790 days today. Another counter.
It took me ages to settle the finances because of his shitty ignorance. 132 days since. Another counter.
Where do I stand today? After 1000 days sober from a toxic relationship.
Summary: In my best life enjoying every day and grateful to the moon and back for everything 
For the looong list of detailed reflection & outcome click here
- I’m ME again, settled, balanced, both feet stable on the ground. Emotionally, healthwise, mental health wise, financially.
- The frustration, feeling of neglect, anger, hopelessness, feeling powerless, doubting myself, fighting in vain to make it work, uncertainity, walking on eggshells … All gone.
- The glimpse of hope, the deep love, the longing for the good in our relationship … Gone.
- My unconcious healed, the permanent tension, nerviness, the short temper faded, left my body literally. I suddenly had beautiful finger nails so long I had to cut them. After 1,5 years I was back to my natural mental state. Healing takes time.
- I worked so fucking hard on myself, I can hardly believe it. Identified issues & patterns, digged deep, read tons of literature on dozens of subjects, went to therapy, group therapy and couseling (still do and will continue to), talked, journaled, shared. It was a bumpy road with some uncomfortable plateaus and some heavy setbacks. But I never gave up. Pause, rest, take a timeout, back to basics: yes. Give up: Never. Healing and growing is not linear, sometimes it’s a tousled ball of wool with knots and loose, lost ends.
- Living the good life I have now was fucking hard work. Learning to be kind to myself, to love myself again, that I’m enough, that I CAN do everything on my own, that I must be patient with myself and let go of things out of my control. The latter is still daily work in progress, on a level I could not imagine 1000 days ago
- I saw couples here staying together besides major issues, working together on bettering their relationship, separating, being together again, arranging the problems with themselfs … It broke my heart when it finally settled that it takes two to make it work, putting in work & communication, love & respect, will & dedication. And here it was only me. I felt so lost, abandoned and furious. I learned to sit with it. I often bit my codependency in their fucking ass to show how much I wanted to be free of it. With time the codependent episodes became less, I learned to cope with my feelings in healthy ways: meditation, journaling, punching a pillow until complete exhaustion, calling a friend, coming here, taking a walk, cleaning, cooking, reading my emotional support poster over and over again, locking away my phone (out of sight! works for me) … the list goes on. Unlearning patterns and unhealthy coping mechanisms takes time (like begging for love at your ex - don’t go to the hardware store for milk). It’s progress when the episodes get shorter, less intense and the times inbetween get longer. I’m sober from codependent hickups since 22nd January and this episode was the final. I submitted some stuff to my ex, wrote him that I won’t contact him anymore and that I either want to be loved or let alone. The last part was the codependent hickup. I will delete this timer when I reach 1 year sober of codependent behaviour.
- I found peace of heart, soul & mind. I lost 10 kg, my hair grew long, I look really good. Because I take good care of myself. I do this because it makes me happy and I enjoy it (mostly, not the waxing part). I like this nice, friendly, kind person who was lost for so long. I laugh a lot again, I meet people again, I love my reclusive daily life, my cats, MY farm, my smart brain, my big heart. I take good care of my still wounded, healing soul. My mood is mostly balanced, occasions when I have to unleash the bitchy biting beast are rare. I’m grateful my potentially furious bulldog ME is still there, peacefully lounging on the beach, recovering from years of overstraining. We are both happy.
- I don’t give a shit how my ex is doing and I’m glad his destructive energy left my life. THIS is the sign I’ve been waiting for for a long long time, knowing it would happen, some day. I AM FREE.
Here is a best of what helped me through this 1000 days 
Wisdom of the day: When something or someone is toxic - RUN BABY RUN!!!
