Love it 
Thank you 
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@Dazercat, I know you’re getting flooded with loving responses, and I have no wise words to add - but have done some messy unpacking of codependency in therapy.
Caveat: this is in reference to relationships with my siblings and friends, not a partner or spouse. The guts of codependency, though, is all the same…
Totally oversimplified, but here’s how I understand it…
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You both wanted to go for lunch, ideally together.
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You clearly articulated your boundary around it. She too could have articulated one - such as vegan restaurant only.
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When that boundary was crossed, by either of you, lunch together was off - but lunch by yourselves need not have been. You would not have been “wrong” to go to lunch on your own (tho’ she’d have been mightily pissed off, those are her emotions), nor she in a cab to a vegan restaurant with wine (and your emotions around that would be yours).
As I understand it, it gets weird when one of you prevents, or tries to prevent, the other from going to your own lunch by yourself.
Complicated, gut-wrenching stuff… and this is just lunch we’re talking about.
The dog girl and I send our love and hugs.
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Thanks M.
Always Always appreciate your beautiful words.
Wait til I tell her I’m not fixing the hole in the wall 
. I have to stop cleaning up her messes. And apparently I have to stop NOW!
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I’m so done today… Theoretically very pleasant day - my friends daughter bday party (3 years old), seeing some friend some with their kids, all pretty much same age. Lately we don’t see eachother as often as we would like to so I was looking forward to that meeting. But… We had such a stupid fight in the morning. Complete nonsense. Been called dumb so many time, in front of my kids. And why? Bcs I said I will rather go on my cargo bike than him bringing us (me and kids) with a car cause, as he told me he doesn’t know how long he gonna be busy, I didn’t want to be dependent on him with way back. In my head I was making him a favour. Party was in the morning, I knew that around dinner time everybody will go home. So it was unbelievable for me that it’s suddenly a problem. That “I’m making fool of him”. Fckn nonsense. To be clear - he didn’t want to go there, that was definitely not a reason for him to get angry, he just wanted to bring us there. Now I’m already 3+ hours at home and he’s still not. Which means I would still wait there. Or most probably my friend would drive me home but its her daughter bday and I don’t like to make such a complications. And for me that 45min ona a bike is not a big deal. Sorry for long story but just wanted to show you for what stupid reason I have shitstorms. Just wanted to get this out of me. Cause I couldn’t fully relax and enjoy the time with my friends on kids party and I still can’t chill the fuck out.
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Aw yeah, that is all spot on. I’m super proud of you.
It’s taken time for me to learn this, but boundaries = love. For self. For the other, too.
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Hi Mischa, is your partner an addict?
Sounds a bit controlling to me, but I don’t know the ins and outs I guess. Sorry you had that thrown at you, I bet you are the absolute opposite of dumb! 
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Oh love - i’m sorry your day started off this way and i do hope that you take his negative talk in one ear and out the other (or better yet - just ignore completely). You are not dumb and don’t deserve to be spoken to this way. I know it’s his addict brain at work and i am sorry you are at the brunt of its lashings.
Glad that you have a cargo bike and grateful you are fit enough to haul you and your boys where you need to go (love your energy and can do attitude). Grateful you went on your own terms and returned when you were ready.
Hope you have a wonderful evening at home. Possibly if you have a moment to do so - try some meditation to calm your nerves.
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Yup, his doc is coke (weekendly) but he’s also every day drinking beer and smoking weed.
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Thank you!
I have a date of driving licence exam which is in January. I hope I will pass, that will change my life big time
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WOW Eric - this was a brilliant share. Have to re-iterate the “by learning to focus on ourselves, our attitudes and well-being improve. We allow the alcoholics in our lives to experience the consequences of their own actions”
I know this is not an easy switch to turn on but hopefully by internalizing this message and working with Al Anon you can fully let go. Knowing that you are not in control of the alcoholics actions. You can only be responsible for you. Setting your boundaries does not make you selfish.
Sending you strength to keep moving forward and caring for yourself in this situation. Finding happiness and laughter in your surroundings.
Damn straight you are not fixing that hole in the wall! Let seeing it be a reminder of the alcoholic behavior and outbursts.
Grateful that you are so open and allowing yourself to be vulnerable here - letting go of all your struggles and burdens here so you don’t have to shoulder them alone. 
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I’m sure you will pass! That will most definitely be a game changer.
Hope today is starting to turn around for you
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This is good. Thanks!!
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I love this , thanks!
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I just today saw your checkins on here about your hubs. Mine is similar. Same doc and drinking every few days.
I hate that yours calls you names. It must be hard to not let that get in your head. Just know you are none of the things he says. I think a lot of that is projection. He feels shitty about himself so he wants to make you feel like crap too. Mine likes to call himself names and tell me that’s what I think of him
I do hope you can enjoy some time with your friend today.
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Gosh. Busy thread today. Not even a full moon.
God give us strength
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I just listened to this today on my walk.
It’s about boundaries.
@Mischa84
@M-be-free49
@JazzyS
@Runningfree
It was really good. I need to listen to it again.
And again. And again…….
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Definitely. I know many times when he’s so mean he is actually hungry or he need to smoke etc. But we are grown up prople ffs, we should control ourselves. I’m also pissed when I’m hungry but I’m not spitting venom at him then. And since I’m not drinking I see how many times he is talking some bullshit to make me feel bad. But it’s not working anymore, now I don’t have blackouts, I remember what I did or said yesterday. He thinks he’s the smartest guy in the world (especially on coke). I don’t want my boys to be like him.
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Kinda what my wife has been doing the last 3 days.
She keeps telling me how much I hate her. She’s telling me I’m mean 
.
Stella is right when she told me above that’s the addict and the addict doesn’t like boundaries and she taking her anger out on me.
We were drinking buddies forever. She throws it in my face that she never asked for this. Me being sober. Sometimes I feel guilty. I’m human. Sometimes I think if I just drank everything would be ok. It wouldn’t. And I certainly would not. I’m enjoying my sobriety too much. Well, except for the part where I live with an addict. And truthfully she wouldn’t want me to go back to drinking. I threw a wrench into our marriage over 3 years ago. And these days I don’t know what to do.
Well I kinda do. I’m getting more support. Maybe even an addiction therapist has been recommended to me.
Shits hard.
I’m glad your here @Mischa84
Again. Sorry about the circumstances.
We are stronger together.
I’m glad you vented today and got it out here.
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Thanks, I’ll give it a listen.
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