Kelly, 
Thank you. I feel so blessed to have your support. You’ve always been there for me and I’m very grateful!
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Im grateful for you too Patricia and im so glad to be on this journey with you 
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Mischa, this is very concerning. I wish I could swoop in, and scoop you and your boys up and take you away. But I can’t. All I can do is hope you find a way out of this mess.
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We gonna be fine. He won’t hurt me, at least physically. He’s not agressief towards kids.
I know exactly what will happen next. He will apologize, say he was fucked up after coke and angry cause kids woke him up at 10 (!) because I let them go upstairs, so it was my fault. But I’m done. I’m done with this bullshit apologies, every time the same. He is just disrespectful piece of shit. Fucking narcissist. Hypocrite. He can go to hell.
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Mischa I am so sorry to read this. It does continue to happen again and again. And unfortunately it will always continue to happen as long as he is using. I so wish I could just tell you what to do. But it doesn’t work that way.
I worry about you. You are such a wonderful caring beautiful person and such a terrific mother. You deserve so much better than this. But how? I don’t know.
There’s so many slogans and shit that I’ve learned but nothing is a quick fix. It’s takes time. Sometimes a long time.
Maybe “First Things First.” Are you all safe. Or have a plan where when it gets worse so you all have a safe place to go.
And of course ODAAT
I wish I could do so much more. Keep letting it out here. Get some kind of support.
Great big hugs 
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Thank you Eric 
No, I’m not crying 
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Mischa, You and your boys deserve so much better. I wish there was something I could do to help you get out of this toxic situation.
Apologies without change are manipulation.
Sending you love and hugs. Know that all of us here care about you.
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What about a call home Mischa? Im sure i read somewhere a while back that youd moved away but had a good support network back home… maybe they can help you out xx
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My mother died 16, my father 17 years ago. My sister is in London, we are not very close. I’m very close with my aunt, my mother’s sister, but she has a lot of problems with her own kids (both around 40yo, both addicts, lots of issues), I dont want to add me to her headache. She has enough. She doesn’t even know we have relationships problems. Or that I’m alcoholic.
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Did you try to talk to some professionals yet? I’m not saying you need to leave immediately, but I do think you need (professional) help Mischa. I’m not quite sure what’s the right organization for you to talk to you in your region, but this is the one for Noord Holland. If they can’t help you directly they will know where you should look for help. Hugs friend. The link will take you to a page in English BTW.
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Thank you Menno, gonna definitely check it up
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It’s a tiny small victory but……when my wife is at her worst. Or even being around her when she’s drinking and not at her worst. She is always my constant reminder I never, never want to go back to that kind of life style ever again. I admire your strength in protecting your sobriety. You keep that shit up.
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Sending you big hugs and love @Mischa84 wish I could do more but believe me you and your boys are in prayers I hope you find professional help because you’re such a strong person and a wonderful mom and you and your boys deserve better.
It’s good you made it clear to yourself that’s it’s not gonna work like that anymore.
Stay safe my dear. Sending you strength and peace
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I like to have short bang but he prefers longer one so I stopped cutting it short. Guess what?
My hair, my choice
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Oh lovely Mischa, I’m just catching up on all of this. The others have already said it all.
None of us knows how the future will unfold. Let me just say that your posts almost read as a thank you note from your future self. She clearly knows your worth, your strength and resolve - I believe in her! And in you now.
Just like our sobriety - we build better tomorrows by how we live, steps we take, today.
We are here for you.
EDIT TO ADD: I love the short bangs, @Mischa84 !
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Whose house is it that you all live in?
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Just now reading these posts – so very sorry for what you are enduring in your home. Sending you strength in getting through this and finding a way to move on safely. I wish i could do more to help you.
YES! You do you! Be happy with your decisions. You look beautiful and i am in awe with how much your eyes sparkle with all that you are going through. Much love to you dear friend.
Grateful you are able to vent here. We are here for you
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We moved in together when I was pregnant with twins. We rent it.
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Thanks Jasmine!
I’m kind of angry at myself cause when I got pregnant, we decided I’m gonna stay at home with Sacha for some time (in Netherlands it’s normal to send kids at around 4 months+ old to daycare and mother go back to work, but we couldn’t imagine some strangers gonna take care of our baby all day long). Then after a year and a bit, when I was still breastfeeding him, I got pregnant again, with twins, so even more stay home time. Im absolutely not complaining, I’m very grateful we could afford it. I went full mother mode After some time I was thinking to go to work cause that full mother mode is not easy peasy ;), but when we calculated pros and cons (we live in the village, not a lot possibilities here, I STILL don’t have driving licence, we would have to arrange somebody to bring kids to school/daycare, pick them up etc), we decided I will stay at home till all of then go to school (so one more year, here they go at 4yo).
But
This means I have absolutely no savings myself, no money. I ALWAYS was very self efficient, I moved out of my parents when I was 18, I was always taking care of myself, I was always working = I always had my own money. And now I feel trapped. But I told him yesterday I want to start working soon, and if he want to stay here (I can’t just kick him out), we gonna share bills etc, but we also gonna share taking care of kids, bringing them to school, picking them up,.maybe I’m gonna have to work in shifts so meals might be on him also sometimes. I don’t know. It won’t be easy but it’s doable. I know I can do it, I’m gonna adapt.
Have a good day my friends, be gentle to yourself
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