Well I am back to update on my situation and to talk about it because I am just in so much pain over it all right now that I need to let it out somewhere.
My partner and I just recently broke up. It was probably more my decision than his. We were together 5 years which is the longest I have ever been with anybody so our lives became very meshed with each other.
We never lived together, but we did only live 4 doors down from each other until a few months ago when I moved about 10 minutes north.
I will be 3 years sober in September, which is a milestone I am very much looking forward to.
At the beginning of our relationship, we were both going through divorces. So the beginning of our relationship was us connecting over that and we spent a lot of time going out drinking together, obviously not coping in healthy ways with life changes.
My partner was a heavier drinker than I was, which caused me to become an even heavier drinker. I started to notice that about myself, and when I really started tracking it on here realized what a problem it was becoming. So I quit cold turkey.
That being said, the first part of our relationship, we were both drinking. This latter part of our relationship, I have been sober. Because of that, I have really opened my eyes more to how heavy of a drinker he is, which has been hard to watch.
It has also been heartbreaking because I think about a lot of the things he said to me in the beginning of the relationship and they all feel superficial now. At the start, I was actually sober coming out of my divorce so when he was texting me and calling me all of the time saying all of these sweet things, it felt very genuine (especially coming out of a very physically/emotionally/sexually abusive marriage).
The past few months of the relationship have been pretty rough. I have been dealing with a lot of grief issues from losing my dad unexpectedly less than a year ago, and I realize that has caused me to have a higher emotional need/void that needs to be filled.
With my partner’s alcoholism, he hasn’t been able to fill that void because he is too often disconnected from the space in reality that can really offer the emotional type of support I need.
It all really came to a head when we went on a weekend getaway a couple of months ago. It was a trip I put together for him as a Christmas gift and an opportunity for us to get away and reconnect. However, he got too wasted and ended up with a pretty gnarly hangover that kept us from being able to do some of the things on the itinerary that were important to me. The biggest one being a hike.
When we came back from that trip, there were some other things that happened that really got me messed up.
There was a soon to be divorced mom that kind of entered the picture. He got her drunk at his house on night, took her home to her husband when she got sick from drinking, called to “check on her” after finding out she was getting divorced, added her on Facebook (odd for him because he keeps his very private with only a little over 100 friends), etc.
Then he ended up dropping everything to fly across the country to help his buddy renovate his house… even though there were things at my house he has left unfinished for months that I have basically been begging him to help with.
I brought up a lot to him that had been bothering me and spoke a lot on his alcoholism getting in the way of our relationship and then he didn’t talk to me for 3 weeks.
When we finally talked again, he didn’t offer an apology at all. Instead, he made a lot of, “I can’t believe you would think that/feel that about me” statements.
Despite all of that, my love for him has been deep. I kept showing up for the relationship, coming over to his house to show Ioved and cared about him. Yet, he would continue to blatantly drink/smoke in front of me.
We hang out and are fine then things get weird for a few days then we hang out and are fine again.
The past few days, I have been preoccupied with family in town. We were fine and then he started giving me the silent treatment again yesterday.
Again, I showed up for the relationship and him at the neighborhood fireworks/cookout which is a big deal for him.
He didn’t say a word to me. He just drank the whole time and did everything he could to avoid me. He didn’t even say goodbye.
I am completely heartbroken and hurt. I feel so undervalued by him. I feel like alcohol just feeds his ego and validates his behavior in his mind.
I wrote him a very long text this morning. I am not confident I will get any kind of response.
I don’t know why I can’t just let him go. Part of me just feels like he is just sick and just needs to get the help and then he will be able to open up his eyes to see the deep love that I have had for him is there and deserving of him giving himself the gift of sobriety so he can have a better life.
I guess I just don’t really know the answer and know when it is really time to just let something go/
) had to part ways with my lady friend who relapsed.
).
