Hubbys smoking more and more pot. Im trying to let it go but it upsets me. Hes stupider. He doesnt have the money for it. I dont like it but i cant control it. Grrrr
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Sorry to read this CJ 
I know it can be very upsetting.
Lots of double winners at my meetings. Just saying. I had no idea. That really sucks.
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I basically have 2 addictions.
I’m addicted to MORE
And the other one is
I’m addicted to Finding FAULT
But I can recover.
I am recovering 
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I think the hardest part about being an addict or being in love with an addict is the loneliness. This has been a rough weekend for me mentally. Its the first weekend after my Mom’s funeral and I spent yesterday crying. My husband was at work.
Today is our day off together. I had some crazy energy and got 6 house projects done, made a 5 1/2 hour crazy 7 (or more) step cake, a noodle dish and mashed potatoes from scratch. Maybe I’m avoiding him. Maybe he’s avoiding me. He’s seen me through lots of depressive episodes. Maybe he’s cheating. He just texted me to tell me he’s going to a second bar.
He’ll come home, we’ll remake the bed with clean sheets and go to sleep. I think I became an addict to avoid actual intimacy and I think I am still doing that, both by marrying an addict and keeping myself at arms length to everyone in my life. I didn’t tell my husband I wanted him to stay home tonight, probably because I didn’t want him to. Sad is easier alone.
Hard weekend just points to where I need to put the work. Step one, feel all this stuff. My emotions are demanding to be felt. 🩷
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Hugs for you, for the hurts, the feels, the emotions, the step …
Glad you’re writing about this and sharing it. You’re cared for.
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Hugs my friend I do know about the isolation and wanting to go through sadness alone but that is just our addict trying to get a leg up. We tend to dig our holes deeper alone. I am hoping you are able to let more people in and help you through the rough times.
Sorry your husband was not able to be that emotional crutch that you obviously needed. Glad you were able to make such a delicious comforting feast for yourself.
I know its not the same but feel free to reach out anytime you need to connect. It is a great step to feel all the feels and process them but do know that you don’t have to do it by yourself. You are not alone my friend. Sending love and hugs your way.
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Hey Bird. How you doing?
Saw your note this morning. Didn’t have time then but wanted to respond. Now I lost my thoughts. But I do understand the loneliness of being married to an alcoholic. Cuz you’re not actually alone physically but mentally it feels very lonely. I’m doing much better in that department these days. Gosh it took me forever to get over that. The loneliness still creeps in once and awhile. But I’m out there living my life now and it’s beginning to feel good. Wifey still stuck in her ways but I’m out there. Seems to be working.
I know you know I’m all Al-Anon. I’m not going to force any of that on ya. But 
This here is a pretty good book. And what I like about it is it’s basically all stories. It might be something you’d want to look at. I don’t know.
I hope it’s been a better day for ya.
Love ya sober cat friend.
Oh how’s the acne?
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Thanks @JazzyS. I’m so glad I found this place and I’m grateful for the invite to chat. Today was better. My Mom grief/anger got ahead of my relationship this weekend. The weekend was tough and I did isolate. I know better but I wanted to feel my sadness, to really hurt myself and that absolutely was my addict talking.
@Dazercat the acne is clearing. I’ve been trading out their food and water bowls more often and found a cat safe face wash in their cat cupboard which Water runs from when he sees so its pretty sparsely applied. But its improving.
As for the relationship who knows. I should put a recovery book next up on my reading list for a brush up and maybe I’ll try an Al-Anon. I also want to listen to Codependent No More again.
I think as I fight my addictions my husband gets lost in the shuffle. Relationships are tough enough but two addicts gets very messy. I can only fix myself though so I will keep trying to do that as I honor my grief and try to feel my feels.
Thanks for the space as always all. Its so affirming to write out struggles and realize others experience them too. Love you guys. 🩷
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Thank you @Alisa. I saw this when I was sunk down in the mire so I didn’t respond but thank you for this. I feel cared for.
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I know I’ve had slip ups. Probably on the daily. But I have been going to Al-Anon for 2 and a half years to keep my spiritual tank full. And I’m proud of that shit!
Changed attitudes aid recovery
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As you should be!!! Great work on your recovery my friend 
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