Yes. Digging deep. I’m having some trouble in that area, I know it will take time and work. I think I’ve repressed things for so long. Even when I got sober before, I don’t think I dealt with everything. So this time I am ripping up all the roots and only replanting the good ones. No root going untouched.
Setting myself up for a long journey here, but the finish will be worth it.
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Thanks. Very true and insightful. I will definitely follow that recommendation
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My therapist uses that exact same example. He says life (and events in life, the things we see and perceive and experience) are the leaves, but those are just the surface. Go deeper and you get to the branches, go deeper and you get to the trunk, go deeper and you get, finally, to the roots.
We’ve been working on developing a “Positive Interaction Cycle”. Essentially that’s about feeling and expressing things, as they are, just getting those words out to someone (a supportive person, usually though not always in a recovery group of some type) - getting those words out and then being seen and validated. Doing this instead of running and burying and neglecting emotion (which is what I’ve done for so long).
The roots are deep in the dirt. But the answers and the growth is there too.
Wishing you a dirty journey 
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WOW. you just hit the nail on the head here. That’s a great idea for healthy behavior and emotion processing. Right now my emotion processing is abysmal… I’m going to give that a try, being more vocal and verbally acknowledging my emotions.
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Yes. You can speak it aloud to yourself - I do that often (at home, in the car, anywhere I have a moment to speak my emotions) - and you can share about it in groups (AA, SMART Recovery, Dharma Recovery, Women for Sobriety, or any of the other recovery programs): all those people in recovery know what you’re going through and can validate how you feel.
Our feelings are essential for our survival. Feelings evolved to help us recognize signals, and meet our needs. We need to sense and understand feelings the same way we need sight, or hearing, or touch, or any sense.
I find this feelings inventory helpful when I’m trying to figure out “what am I feeling here?” (often I just know I’m feeling something but I don’t know what - giving it a name helps see it and respond to it):
https://www.cnvc.org/training/resource/feelings-inventory
Once I know the feeling, I can connect that with a need. All feelings are about meeting needs. (If I’m sad I need comfort, if I’m happy I need to celebrate [sober obvs ], if I’m angry it means something is wrong or off, and I need to get that recognized and get a response and a next step.) This needs inventory is helpful:
https://www.cnvc.org/training/resource/needs-inventory
You deserve a safe, sober life where you can be your full self. You are a good person and you deserve to feel good about what you are doing and the life you live.
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Love the positive attitude and the resiliency to fight and ultimately win. As you said there is always an opportunity for a lesson in every failure. As a matter of fact it is only a failure when the lesson presented is not learn.
Good luck on your next journey and God bless.
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Welcome back, I had 2 and 1/2 years myself when I did the exact same thing thinking I could “handle” it. I was right for that day but was quickly reminded that I have zero control over it. So I know exactly what you are going through. Best of luck in your new road to recovery, it’s just as great as the other road.
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Welcome back!! We all fall, but it takes somebody to get back up. Stay strong, have faith and don’t forget to pray.
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Thanks so much for the resources! And the words of encouragement. I have been meditating for the past 5 nights, focusing on my emotional anxiety and repressed emotions/trauma. I feel good about this.
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Sounds like we are in much of the same boat. I was “right” for the first night too. Then I didn’t touch my DOC for another 6 months… that only gave me even more false confidence in my “controlled usage”… then after that 6 months it was binging every weekend. I noticed the signs of me slipping even more out of control, missing a few work days bc of binging or recovering. And now here we are trying to get myself back on track with a reality check.
Best of luck to you, we got this
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Thank you for your candor and honesty. It’s ok. You’re ok. You aren’t a bad person. In fact, you’ve given me insight I’ll need down the road when I get more sober days under my belt.
Minute by minute. Hour by hour. Day by day.
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I hope you can learn from my mistake and not have to make the mistake yourself. This was a very important lesson for me to learn and will be useful in my sobriety, I hope it can be useful in yours also
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You can do it. Keep reaching out, find support, never give up, and you’ll get it.
That addictive brain is sneaky and deceptive. You’re going to learn a lot about how to tell fact from fiction as you recover. Take time to find supports for the changes you’ll need to make - it will feel weird and scary at times. Lean into those feelings.
You’re a good person and you deserve a safe, sober life where you can be your full self.
I have been where you are. It proved to me more each time that “responsible drinking” does not exist in my world. Acceptance.
Hi. I am just about to reach my 2yr anniversary of sobriety 27th December. I have had similar thoughts…can I have a drink now and again? I recently had a meal with my wife and friends in the middle of Birmingham when I had a low alcohol G&T type drink. Nectarine and Tonic I think it was called. I have been drinking non alcoholic beer some of which is actually very low alcohol less than 1%. I assumed that this G&T was the same but the low alcohol drink was actually more than 1% Whether is was a placebo effect or more than that it made me feel shit. I also felt a bit stupid that I had done this. I have put this down to just part of the process of me giving up and I am one step closer.
You should think the same way. You have not gone backwards you have gone forwards. You realise what has happened and you can see the positive. You are fixing it.
I love your attitude, keep your chin up good luck and Merry Christmas x
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Thanks for posting this. I have been thinking how i’m gonna pass the next few weeks sober… Gonna go to netherlands for family visits, christmas etc. Besides celebrations i’m always used to drink a lot out of frustration, to numb myself, give myself a maintenance dose to be able to deal with annoying family members etc. I was almost ready to give myself a break and just continue the sober journey when holidays are over. But reading above reminded me to not talk myself in that trap and to stay focussed, remember why i am on this path.
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Keep coming back
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Welcome Marcella!