@ClearSky What a wonderful gift you are providing. Service Work 
Iāll definitely post some questions later as Iām new and am browsong around first.
Hey there, so sorry it took me so long to respond! Sometimes it takes me a while to get around to sitting down and typing out a useful replyā¦it sounds like youāre doing some great work with mindfulness. One of the most important qualities of meditation, in my opinion, is learning to recognize the negative emotions, name them (āthis is anxiety,ā āthis is fear,ā āthis is angerā) and simply allow them to be there. It can be so uncomfortable, but if you become familiar with them, they seem less scary. Your negative emotions are telling you important information and deserve to be attuned to. Something that makes a lot of sense to me is: the past happened, but it is your present-moment experience of the past that is the issue. When you are re-living bad memories, it is the sadness or grief or anger about those memories that feel so intolerable. Thatās where the acceptance and non-judgment of your negative emotions comes into play.
A couple of resources that may be helpful: The book āOne Breath at a Timeā by Kevin Griffin, who practices Buddhism and is in recovery - some really good insights in there. Also google Ted Talks from Brene Brown, who is a āvulnerability specialistā and speaks candidly and eloquently about shame.
I am sorry that you are going through a break-up; so difficult. I got divorced almost 10 years ago and still frequently think about what I could have done differently to save our marriage. It is normal to have those repetitive thoughts, but they are not serving you, so it will take a lot of practice to let them go. Be patient and gracious with yourself.
2 Likes
Hey there! So many people struggle with social anxiety and especially many alcoholics, who find booze to be such a good social lubricant. It would definitely be worth your while to confer with a psychiatrist who can assess if medication could be helpful. Practicing with some āexposure therapyā - like starting out with a trusted friend and going out for coffee, maybe building up to joining a book club, etc. and just getting a feel for what itās like to acknowledge that you are safe in social settings - might be helpful.
1 Like
I have a question. Can you have sex while in recovery??
@Christine_Beam, I believe they say that you shouldnāt be in a relationship for up to a year. Now Iām not a therapist, but thatās what I was told when I was in rehab. They ask you to refrain for year.
1 Like
Hmm. Iāve been in a relationship for two years and he has been sober the whole time (initially forced to because of a DUI, now chooses it) and goes to meetings with me. I think if youāre not already in a relationship itās probably a good idea to focus on your recovery and feel solid before jumping into a relationshipā¦but I donāt have an exceptionally strong opinion about this.
Thank you. I know about the one year relationship rule but Iām talking about just sex.
Iāve taken into consideration the advice Iāve been given by you guys and decided against having just sex. I agree that I donāt think I could have just sex. I want it most when my cravings hit. Iāve recently been given lots of opportunities to have sex but Everytime I cant work up the courage to just have sex. I end up playing the tape out and it seems to almost always lead to relapse. I just canāt see the point in throwing away the roughest 32 days of recoveryā I just got under my belt. I donāt see the benefit except to satisfy the right now craving which will end up hindering me in the end. Thank you everyone!!!
3 Likes
Hi Jeffery
I also practice Buddhism, and just recently divorced. Mindfulness meditation really is a great tool for us addicts to have. Iāve been meditating for 3yrs, and still class myself as a beginner. Doing body scans before mindfulness of breathing, I found really helps. Even if I can only manage 10 minutes, I know it would of been worth it.
Be kind to yourself, you are doing great. 
2 Likes
I definitely have my gripes about AA. A lot of the sentiments seem outdated to me and as an agnostic I grapple with the HPā¦although I have been thinking of it in broader terms lately. My HP is my value system. Compassion, kindness, my career, my belief that all people are inherently goodā¦thatās what drives me and that set of ideals is what I look to and seek out in terms of a higher power. If we are open to being curious, above all - any program can work. Whatever works, WORKS!
3 Likes
I totally agree with you when I was in a 30 day rehab we had to attend meetings both AA and NA. It was such a trigger and I just couldnāt relate and because Iām a binge drug addict ( I can stop for three weeks but always start again) everyone told me that they didnāt take me seriously because I wasnāt their definition of an addict so when I got out I didnāt go to meetings and still donāt. So I get what youāre saying.
2 Likes