Thought I’d take some time to go over these in more detail myself… Looking back at past posts where I already seem so promising, I’ve been wondering why my sobriety plan hasn’t worked yet…? I’ve been aware of my problems for many years already (long before joining this app), and am relatively smart. I feel like the bulk of the problem might simply come down to the lack of an external support network when I admit I could seriously do with one… Manifesting your own enlightenment is f*cking tough!
Here goes anyways:
When, how and why did my addictions start?
My dad scapegoated and psychologically terrorized me from early on; the family moved around too often for me to associate enough with the outside world; particularly impactful triggers simply set me off (as subconscious escape vents)…
Was I happy before them?
50/50, children are strong. But under extreme pressure, and always attention-deficient and anxious…
Am I happy now? (if not… why?)
Sometimes, but not overall… There’s a lot of internally accumulated, lingering negativity from facing both the sources of my childhood problems AND then my own self as I had to dismantle what I’d grown so used to. Being a conscious hero isn’t easy with the weight of unfairness and loneliness on my shoulders. Lack of adequate socializing, work, nature, exercise, meaningful progress, learning, personal growth, a loving relationship… Avoiding life out of fear?
Have I got a sober plan to replace my addictions with?
Yes. At least an adequate one surely. A healthy daily routine, studying, work, kick-boxing classes, dancing classes, meditation classes, psychologist sessions (though they’re inadequately available)…
What would my ideal potential life look like?
Me being fearless, fit, healthy, happy, content, motivated, social, productive, successful, in a relationship, in a nice home, enjoying nature…
Am I trying to work towards it?
Not enough…
Do I cherish existence?
Acknowledge it’s worth, yes, but really cherish, no, so not enough…
Do I love myself for who I am?
Accept, yes, but really love, no, so not enough…
What can I do differently or better than before?
More therapy/psychology/working with others like me; committing myself that bit more to goals…
What am I affraid of? (…why?)
Failure, loss, anxiety, intimacy, rejection, judgement, lack of control…
What things do I enjoy or value most?
Socializing, nature, exercise, sports, food, music, love…
Do I believe in myself?
For sure…
How honest and open am I to others and myself?
Surprisingly much, especially lately…
Why quit?
I have no future otherwise, I know that…
What does this life mean to me?
I don’t know… Something crazy. Opportunity…
