At risk of relapse

I could really use some support.

I have recently gone through a separation and my life was turned upside down as result. I had to move in with family, I am currently unemployed, and I am starting over from square 1. I am also 38 days sober from weed.

This has spiked my depression and anxiety. Yesterday, I wanted so badly to escape how awful I was feeling. I feel very scared for my future, and I don’t have many people IRL I can speak to about these things. I want to cry everyday and my anxiety keeps me in a state of fear all day long.


I’m having the same problem. I’m on day one and I can’t even explain how jittery and anxious I feel. It’s okay to start from square one. You’ve already come so far just imagine what you can do if you keep going with your full focus on bettering your life.

All of it will come back with time I’m sure of it! You just have to keep moving forward even if it’s while staring at the timer, it’s still another few seconds you’re staying sober :]


That’s a win right there. Hit a meeting and get some props for that; it’s a great feeling to have that recognition :innocent: The plus to visiting a meeting is it’s real people who understand what you’re going through. You’re not alone.

Talking Sober is good for that too. You are definitely not alone where you are - every one of us had to start somewhere. You are not a bad person and you do have the ability to find your way. You need help - all of us do - but if you look for constructive, relevant help from people who are knowledgeable about recovery, and you take it one step at a time, you will get there. Don’t give up.


I’m sorry that you’re both experiencing this pain and what likely could feel like abandonment.

I have been here too. The emotions were uncontrollable. I quickly went to suicidal ideation which I thankfully immediately spoke to a mental health nurse about.

After committing to my recovery I quickly found my reason for sobriety was for all the wrong reasons. I tried to do it to prove to everyone, to do it for them.

This never ever worked for me.

It made me quickly realize that if I didn’t do it for me to have a healthy life knowing the real me, I would never have a healthy relationship with anyone else, let alone my family.

It’s been almost 2 years and my relationship with my wife is starting to get better. It’s not where I want it to be and we still have issues but it’s the healthiest my relationship has ever been.

The disappointment and feeling of being not included killed me in the beginning.

I have come to learn that the healthiest of relationship is when we can tell our partner that we don’t need them to survive. This is when I can honestly and truly support and love someone fully.


It is okay to cry, healing even, so if you need to cry and can, go for it. It helps release emotions…like writing your post or journaling or moving our body. Get all that stagnant emotion out if you can. :people_hugging:

This can be exhausting and stressful…early days and weeks take a lot of emotional and mental and physical energy. And you are doing this. Even while feeling anxious and unsettled.

I am glad you have family to lean on now and us here as well. You can build from here. I think a lot of us can relate to losing jobs and having set backs. Remember why you started on this path…for yourself and your health…body mind and spirit.

If you have to take it one minute at a time, do that. I know I had a lot of time like that. Minute by minute you can get thru this. Like
@muchomango said, keep going with the focus on bettering your life.

Sending many healing hugs and care your way. :people_hugging::heart:


I relate with wanting to escape how you’re feeling so much anxiety and not having really anyone to talk to in real life. Also with starting over from square one and the moving in with family part, or at least I will be in the next few weeks. Right now I’m in a sober house. Anyway, things will get better if you stick it out. I don’t know you but I believe you can do this! What parts about your future and all that are making you feel the most anxious? It’s really important that force yourself to take a step in the right direction. Usually as soon as you have taken that step and know you’ve made progress, even if it’s only a small step, it will make you feel a lot better. You got this! Message if you ever need to talk to someone.


Hey Jazz,

Starting over in life is incredibly a tough thing to do. You are entitled to feel everything you feel, no justification or validation needed. What you do with those feelings is also incredibly important.

I feel meditation is a great tool to use when these feelings begin to stack up. Clearing your mind and allowing those feelings to flow throw you can have a cathartic and almost medicinal effect. It’s a tool I use quite frequently.

I know you said you don’t have anyone to talk to IRL, but you can PM me or probably any other member here if you need someone to hear you.

Remember, it’s OK to be scared and anxious, if you weren’t you wouldn’t be human, and I know it’s tough, but handling this situation sober will make you grow so much and you will be so much happier down the road.

Congrats on 38 days, let’s get one more!


Thank you so much for the kind words Alden. I would say I’m most scared about finding employment and starting a new school program next year. I’ve obviously had jobs in the past, but my anxiety is lying to me and saying I won’t be able to handle it. I need to recognize that’s exactly all it is though is lies. I’ve held down jobs in the past and I can do it again.


You’re very welcome, and yeah that kinda stuff is really stressful. You can do it! Keep us updated.

1 Like