Heyya, I’ll summarize up front so y’all don’t have to read my self-indulgent ramblings :P.
I was diagnosed with ADHD, Anxiety disorder, & OCD when I was six, and prescribed the appropriate meds… Fast forward 25 years, I was re-diagnosed with ASD (& comorbid everything else) and learned that the Adderall I’ve been prescribed and abusing the last 20 years was actually the worst thing for my particular situation… Fast forward past between when I discovered I was Autistic to now (5 years), I spiraled out and broke everything I’d earned… Since I started going to NA daily (around 4 months in), I’ve come to appreciate the program overall tremendously, but certain aspects of it are counterproductive for someone in my situation…
A brief personal history, my IQ is btw 140-170 (depending on the test), but my general social skills, independent living skills, and impulse skill all score in the <.5% of the general population… And I need help figuring out what to do next…
The amount of will power (and honestly, how fucked up I was) that got me to walk through the doors at the first meeting was immeasurable… Bc of my nature, I’m prone to obsession and fixations, so before I went that first time, I exhaustively researched what to expect going into the meeting, and was pretty confident… It went well, and to my surprise, multiple people offered me their numbers and told me to reach out to them regularly… and that’s where my Autism fucks me….
My ability to handle/manage social interactions is profoundly, preposterously limited… To the point that, just to build up the social courage to just text any of those people, I’d have multiple panic attacks and wind up spiraling out solely in an attempt to reach out for help… And idk what to do… I adore NA, and it’s helped me more than I ever imagined possible, but the interpersonal dynamics of it, specifically the whole “you find a sponsor, and you reach out” deal that fucks me… I understand it, so Im not bitter… im just… not like other people I guess… … but I realize I need to be… I need help, and am posting this here in hopes this more anonymous format helps me more than the pressures of a physical environment would…
Thank you for reading this… If anyone else is Autistic, or has advice from personal experience, I’d really appreciate it…
