So I just finished my masters and was feeling very proud of myself. I have a good job, just got on a mood stabilizer that works for me, back in the gym… everything going great. One night and my family has managed to completely crush me. My parents and siblings make sure it’s clear that I’m the dumbest of the family and my degrees mean less than theirs. My one brother flat out said i make the least in the family so I shouldn’t be allowed on the vacation… and my parents said nothing but that I could go on a separate vacation with just me and mom. (Keep in mind that none of my brother pinch in for the fam vaca). I don’t normally get my self worth from my family because of how bad it could be for me but damn is it difficult being the black sheep in a group of people who are either too scared to stand up against this toxic shit or too uncomfortable with themselves they project it onto me.
Thanks for reading my vent. Happy holidays to everyone
That’s tough. Sounds like they’re projecting their insecurities onto you. This is easier said than done, but you don’t need to accept those insecurities they throw your way- you said it yourself; you have a masters, a good job, and are on a great track- you’re valuable and worthy. Happy holidays to you
That sucks big time. We don’t get to choose our blood family, but we can choose people we want to feel family with. I feel connected with my fellow addicts, some of 'm are my new family. Just an example. Hugs. Congrats on finishing your masters and all that’s going well in your life Sara.
The superiority complex of this is outstanding. Your masters degree is not good enough. Feel proud of yourself that you are moving forward, living your own life.
What a bunch of insecure jealous twits. They must be real great friends. Their lack of compassion just proves how little you should care. & Especially being a woman people love to shit on us no matter how good we’re doing. You’re doing amazing & they’re clearly just bitter & feeling attacked by it. I hope you have a better Christmas, and if your family is always this shitty to you, maybe it’s time to find your chosen family. Merry christmas
you have enough inner distance from it to make up your mind about what is going on. this is absolutely crucial for not getting the life force sucked out of you by this kinda behaviour.
the next steps are: setting up some boundaries. and sticking to them.
I am very proud of you for doing everything you do with that toxic fam in the background. this is one of my main struggles too. sending love.
EDIT. I am sure you already know this but your bother sounds like a right dick. you deserve better.
I’m sorry your family is acting like a bunch of turkeys.
Congratulations on your master’s degree and your improved health. That is a big project and you deserve support for that. Way to go!
Your story is part of why I don’t spend Christmas with family. You may want to explore ways to make new Christmas traditions for yourself.
And. Money doesn’t mean shit. Peace of mind and health of mind and body is really the key to happiness and with your recent efforts it seems you are the master of your life. Don’t underestimate for one second how important your journey is for yourself and the people who truly love you. Family can be the people you bring close, not necessarily those to whom you are related.
I hope you can find some time to reflect and celebrate your progress for yourself today. Give yourself the gift of peace and get away from people who harm you with rude and hurtful language. How dare they. How dare they hurt you. You are clearly a strong and capable person. Get yourself to a place of peace. You deserve dignity and respect.
I’m sending positive vibes. Christmas is just a day. I wish you peace and love today.
Omg, your family are the ones SO not deserving of respect, NOT you!!
Your life sounds pretty amazing compared to many others!
F that noise! You just keep doing you and don’t look back. You have every reason in the world to be proud and satisfied with the life you have worked for.
Family is NO different than friends when it comes to supporting your sobriety. Unfortunately you really do find out who the true ones are.
Stay strong and really do make a point to remind yourself how awesome you are from time to time. Don’t loose the positive relationship with yourself that you have already worked so hard for.
The world is a better place with you in it @HannahSara7!! Wish you the best
Congratulations on your accomplishments! You should be proud of yourself as far as everyone else, this is the part of the holidays that I don’t like. I know I know it is supposed to be the happiest season of the year, but with it comes all these expectations like you’re supposed to be everywhere for everybody and the constant comparison I don’t know About anybody else but I’m looking forward to December 26!
This is difficult to hear and I’m so sorry you are being treated poorly. Your family should be your biggest fans. But, you are not alone. Many people have toxic families. It’s very unfortunate that some people have to cut ties with family and find positive relationships elsewhere.
Whatever it may be with the family, your brother sounds a bit the ego-absorbed sort. Feel a bit bad for him. It’s sure not to win him much favor. And that’s a lonely life.
Regardless of his jabs, congratulations on your masters! Time and effort made real. I hope it brings you all the opportunity in the new year. Well done!
Sorry you are kin to a bunch of shallow, insecure people.
You’ve demonstrated the dedication, discipline, and intellect to EARN a masters degree. That You’ve just received your degree, your ultimate earnings resulting from your academic labors remain in your future. Your life is yours to build, and yours to enjoy. Keep getting after it.
Let your family flail around chasing hollow fulfillment. Set your mind and heart to victory, and crush the future. Your ship. Your rudder. Your sail. A bit of wind and you are sailing!
Congrats on your Master! Awesome! You have a good job, going to gym, meds are working.
You are worthy. Your family is not. Sounds like it’s time to create your own support system. Wait! You’ve already done that. Look at all You’ve achieved so far. Was the family supportive during your climb to your present situation? I really doubt it. Anyway, seek out those friends, coworkers, classmates who bring you UP. Now that you’re done with your education, you’ll have time for that.
They told me in my recovery to protect my boundaries. I had to learn to back off my verbally abusive brother, too. It took me many years. I hope you can do this sooner rather than later. He was out of line and the rest of the lot for not speaking up. I don’t usually make these kind of long replies, but your situation resonated for me. Take care and know You Are Loved.
“If they assume that a person’s worth is defined by their financial situation, they are drawing from an incredibly shallow well.”
I’m stealing this! It’s interesting too because my one brother who makes such comments has actually lost quite a few jobs and his salary has fluctuated a lot. It’s always higher than mine but I would never throw that in someone’s face because it’s hurtful.
Thank you for providing me a more mature response lol
And I have set boundaries. First with my therapist (they listen better if they know it’s not just me on my side) and then with relayed to my family. They basically told me I’m making them walk on egg shells.
So manipulative but it works and then I feel bad like I shouldn’t be so ‘sensitive’
Their lack of compassion just proves how little you should care. & Especially being a woman people love to shit on us no matter how good we’re doing. You’re doing amazing & they’re clearly just bitter & feeling attacked by it. I hope you have a better Christmas, and if your family is always this shitty to you, maybe it’s time to find your chosen family. Merry christmas
