Have you tried joining a recovery group? Having that connection to people can make a huge difference. There are in person and online groups. This one was running 24 hours during the pandemic and hopefully it still is (I imagine it would be but I haven’t checked) - it is a women’s only group:
There are also many groups at www.InTheRooms.com
Pick yourself up and try something new. Keep an open mind 
It is always one step at a time.