Welcome back M 
You donāt believe in your recovery because you havenāt really started it yet. Itās a bit like saying āI donāt believe in my gardenā before you start digging and planting.
Let me be clear: you can recover. It is 100% possible. You have to take action though, action that goes beyond just thinking about it; action that gets support and learning from others and then really digs into that learning, putting it into practice, one day at a time.
For me, reading and learning about my addiction, and joining a group, were transformative. Thereās a good list of resources here: Resources for our recovery
Hang out here on Talking Sober. This time in early recovery is all about you. Itās not about what you have or donāt have, itās not about living up to your expectations of where you (thought you) wanted to be in life. Itās about learning to have healthy acceptance of yourself, and what that means: who am I? What do I feel? What have I been through? What is my next constructive step?
Asking these questions (in consultation with people you can trust to help you, like in recovery groups or here on TS) is crucial to help you get your feet on the ground and stop spinning in addiction. Itās crucial to getting a handle on that āaddict voiceā that whispers in your ear, luring you to get numb instead of get healthy.
Ask these questions and it will set you free.
Welcome back to Talking Sober!