I made over 100 days last year, got pregnant with a due date of my sobriety date which was so exciting. We lost the pregnancy at 12 weeks, same week we closed on a house and same week I started a new job.. I absolutely lost my marbles and crashed out. I went from zero to 100 with drinking again and didnt care about anything. Im still struggling to find a purpose to care not to drink.. I’m on day 3 but only because I’m on call for work, counting the days down until Monday. I tried online AA meetings but they got repetitive. Not sure what I’m seeking but I always seem to come back to this site everytime..
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Welcome back Elletse. Glad you’re here. I’m very sorry for your loss. Reading what you wrote, maybe your looking for your lost marbles here? I sure hope you’ll find them. Take it one day at a time and see where it will take you. Drinking never solved anything for anybody. Hugs.
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Welcome back @Elletse i am so so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you’ve had a lot to deal with. I’m glad you came back to this place. It’s calm and quiet and full of understanding and love. Well done on three days, the first few days were the hardest for me. Please stay with us. The lights are always on and there is always someone around to talk to. It’s lovely to have you back in the family. Look forward to seeing you around. You are worth a sober life, we all are 
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Welcome back, for sure! I did not understand my motivations to quit when I got sober, either. I made a commitment to just stay sober from the time I woke up until I went back to bed each night, and that was my motivation for a couple of months, before I sort of got my legs under me. At the end of my drinking, when I knew I could not fight it any more, I made a decision to just drink and see what happened (spoiler alert, it was all bad stuff). Upon reflection, I made the same sort of decision getting sober - to just stay dry and see what happened. I was amazed at what I could stay sober through, and amazed at how sobriety helped me reduce the stress in my life and how being sober allowed me to deal constructively with the problems in my life.
Blessings on your house 
as you start putting one foot in front of the other on a sober path.
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For me it was a prison sentence of four years hanging over my head that made me get/ stay clean. Maybe you can just learn from my mistakes and not have to get to that point
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