Hung out with my brother tonight, ended up at the bar only had one double shot, did coke again. wasn’t even worth it, my brother ended up stealing money from me, brought up the past that i’m trying so hard to move on from. i only go back and do the same thing over nd over just to please whoever im chillin with in that moment, then when i get back home by myself im just full of regret and disappointment in myself, i cant do this on my own. and i shouldn’t have to be on my own just because the people that i keep thinking care about me won’t stop doing me wrong, not understand that im trying to change my life, and just make me feel more and more shitty about myself. i just want to move away and start all over.
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Hang in there friend youre in the right place coming back 🩵 this can be the last time you feel like this. And youre absolutly right that you cant do it alone, i certainly couldn’t. 12 step meetings have been great for me, not perfect, nothing is, and it can be uncomfortable for sure. But nothing changes if nothing changes. If thats not for you, there is SMART and Recovery dharma as well.
I completely understand the urge to just move away! I have that fantasy a lot and have tried it before. The problem is no matter where you go, YOU are still there. Cliche maybe but true.
Sending you support from Seattle!
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Maybe try a meeting might help wish you well
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@grace01 No one can make you feel any kind of way other than you. You can choose to let these people upset you, or not. Your recovery is your business, not anyone else’s. If other people want to talk about your past, change the subject. You have to do what is right for yourself, why drink if you don’t want to use. @Ray_M_C_Laren recommended a meeting I’d start going as often as you can if I were you and getting a sponsor and working the steps.
be well
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Hang in there, seek proper help along your journey make sure you’re able to accept the proper help when offered. Making it to a meeting may help tremendously especially seeking to better your life
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You don’t have to move away.
When I started realizing that I kept putting myself in the position to be hurt, I stopped giving others my responsibility.
When I got sober from both of those substances (and a LOT of pot) instead of walking left out my door I walked right and started going up to the “sunny side of the street”.
There was also a whole city I couldn’t go into for a year.
You belong in recovery. I can hear it.
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Don’t beat your self up too much. It’s a new day tomorrow, you’ve got this 