Hey!
I’ve been reading a lot these days on BPD (Dx traits in 2007) because my symptoms of emptiness and self loathing are intense these days… Which is one of the many reasons I could give you just to say to you that finally… I’m back on day 0… Again… So as a true BPD, the self loathing is fucking intense right now…
I wish I could help, but I’m at a low point as well. But reaching out is the best you can do. I’m sure this community can help you. Do you have a therapist? If it’s an emergency, you can call them directly, usually they give you appointment out of turn. Hang tight!
I have BPD as well. I can relate to what you are going through. I know it’s hard, probably even seems impossible, but you have to try not to be so hard on yourself. For me, at least, those intense feelings of guilt and self-loathing caused by failures and relapses just made me want to give up on trying to be sober… And many times, I did give up. I was not willing to be compassionate to myself. But if you take it easy on yourself, give yourself a break and allow for the fact that you’re not perfect, no one is, and everyone makes mistakes, even people with BPD like us, then you can get through this. You will get through it. 
I can relate. I have BPD and some other things.
BPD sucks.
Drinking sucks.
That combo sucks even more.
And I do believe that for me these 2 were holding hands and keeping each other up and running…
Today I am 27 months and 15 days clean and sober. It took some effort and some relapses though. SH free for just over 6 months now. I would be lying if I say it was easy. What made a difference this time, was rehab and asap going into therapy for the underlaying problems and got them sorted out. Well sort of, just finished DBT and waiting for EMDR to start. But DBT helped me a lot. It gave me some tools to cope. Tools to cope with issues that eventually would lead to a relapse…
What I am trying to say is you can get through this. Try not to be to hard on yourself. Self-compassion… Learning new things like new behavior is difficult and seems impossible at times. For me it helped thinking that the bad moments won’t last forever, probably as long I kept the thoughts of that moment alive. Trying to figure out what I could use as a replacement for my old habits. Another helpful thing was reaching out, how difficult it may be… And you just did that.
PS: You wont have to go through this alone…
Have U some contacts in ,UK,?
No, unfortunately not, I live in a different country.