Back on day 8 since my last relapse.
Christmas is near and that means darker days in southern Ontario, dark gloomy days with no sun. Lots of rain and wet snow. Seasonal depression is a hell of a feeling as well as already cravings, and depression /mood swings from no alcohol.
Cravings are super strong today , which is weird because I do not desire fun from alcohol but rather I truly think my body is just that physically addicted. I think I’m more of a functional alcoholic if that makes sense, where even if my day is going good my body still feels like it physically needs it even if I don’t desire the taste or the buzz in the moment.
I just dropped my girlfriend off at home, and I’m afraid to be alone & I’m not sure what I’m going to do today. Just wanted to check in & see what I can do to keep busy with on this app.
Out of 10 (being good/strong) 1 (being bad/low)
Energy level - 6
Motivational level - 5
Mood - 3
Cravings - 8.5
Seems to me indeed you are building up a physical dependency to alcohol @Drew95. Not a good sign friend. My advice is to use your energy which is still sort of OK to somehow boost your motivation to stay sober today.
Everything will only get worse when you drink, and the only relief you’d give yourself by drinking is a very temporary relief from the cravings. Not giving in to them on the other hand will build up your sober strength. Drink today and tomorrow will be a lot darker I can assure you. Done that been there. And the weather over here in the Netherlands is a lot like Southern Ontario as well. Take care Andrew.
Hey @Drew95 I just want to remind you that as humans we are creatures of habit. It’s not just the physical dependency but the consistency of the thing. We all know what alcohol is going to do to us (we just never know what will happen because of it) so there’s a safety in that. Like a warm blankey.
Last night, I found myself at one of my favorite bars for the sake of just getting something to eat someplace I could sit quietly and be in the company of those I was with. I wanted a glass of wine. I wanted a shot of Macallan but then I had flashbacks and anxiety shakes at the thought. So I had tea instead and that brought me happy thoughts cuz I always forget how much I love tea.
I guess what I’m trying to say is be strong. Find something else to self soothe when you’re alone. Don’t be afraid to call someone and let them know what you’re going through if you can.
At the root of it all we want consistency and getting it from ourselves can be tough. I’m glad you’re here.
Good to see you back on the app and going strong with 8 days Drew.
Saw this was written 6 hrs ago. How are you doing now?
For me I find watching stand up comedy or listening to happy music while doing a puzzle fun. I know you enjoy cooking… maybe create something in the kitchen?
Taking time to read posts / threads here also helps me get my mind straight.
Sending you strength and positivity… ODAAT…we can overcome our addictions.
@JazzyS
Thank you, it’s been a minute .
Feels good to be back but my alcoholic side is thinking (why are you back here? Go have a drink.)
Feels like a devil and angel fighting on both sides of my shoulders right now.
I’m doing alright right now, I decided to do some cleaning and laundry. Bought a small snack from the convenience store, texted my girlfriend & played some word puzzles today. I scrolled through this app a bit as well.
I’m about to cook dinner soon, since I’ve been in my apprenticeship training (on my last two weeks) I haven’t been dedicating myself to cooking big meals as much as I used to , but still making time when I can. Seems like my schedule has been more so waking up at the crack of dawn now, getting home in late evening, and having just enough time to cook a meal and sleep. Saturdays and Sundays are still my main triggers days because those are the times I find mostly alone & I know one of my hugest triggers / relapse causes is being alone.
I’m still back in the early stages, and learning a lot about myself & my triggers & who I truly am after my past relapses.
Almost done today of day 8 going into day 9 shortly.
Hey , currently.on my way to my apprenticeship. Day 11 - so far not too shabby. It seems my cravings and irritability hit as I’m heading home - after my long days.
Sleep cycles have almost returned back to normal, withdrawals are gone pretty much, but when my cravings are there they’re bad . They linger for hours sometimes.
Other then that , no complaints. Pushed through another day, I was close to giving in last night.
Should be proud of yourself for staying the course
Your brain and body are adjusting and fighting for the familiar comfort. It was an easy fix that leads to shit feelings and unhealthy everything.
Great work on 11 days Drew. Keep fighting the good fight
My cravings also hit as I drive home and I know it’s not physical, it’s very much mental and about that habit… I’m so happy to see you pressing forward and sharing about what you are experiencing… you are not alone
Hell yeah, dude! You guided your way through! Keep it going, man. Through time it’ll get easier. Just keep focusing on the moment, and push through it. We’ve got this man! Just keep your eye on the prize good job!
Im the same, usually stop and pick up and start on a couple drinks on the way home. Try sober podcasts while driving home, its worked for me in the past and something I’ll keep in the sober toolbox if i need it
@NJR9876@Drew95 took my own advice listened to a podcast on the way home, its a sunny summer evening and my family are away. 5 days ago I would have stopped for drinks for sure. Not today. Today we keep moving foward
Same. I always would stop for a couple of glasses of wine before I got home. Had to catch a little buzz before opening that nightly bottle of wine. And also, so my BF would think I ONLY had a bottle of wine
Started listening to Quit Like a Woman on Audible instead…
