Feel myself entering a bad headspace. I want out of this mess. Diagnoses keep bothering me. ADD, PTSD, thyroid issues and my addiction (working the steps). It feels overwhelming, did some exposure, but my body reacts way to much on it. I’m feeling depressed, the things I did in active addiction keep bothering me since I see clearly now. I have to squeeze food in me, because emotions are blocking me. They say it will get better, but I just don’t feel and see it.
End of rant
They say 3 to 5 years of Recovery to really notice it. Took me exactly 4 and now I am really beginning to feel change. Which would never have happened if I didn’t put in the work. I know how you feel very well. I’m still myself.
Diagnoses, they’re just tools to help you find the right help, the right therapies, the right therapists. I’ve been diagnosed with depression, with substance abuse disorder, with a combination of of borderline and avoidant personality disorder. Thirty years ago I would have been diagnosed with being a perverted sexual deviant. And I’m sure they missed a few.
Whatever. I am me. I am Menno. I am myself. Just like you are Rob and yourself. I’m sorry exposure didn’t work. My second emdr session was way to heavy on my body so we abandoned that. Now doing Image Rescripting. Among other things.
I’m saying it will get better too. Just keep at it. Patience my friend. I know it sucks.
Thanks for your words Menno, I hear very often that it takes about 4 years. Also my sponsor says it took him 4 years to feel the way he feels now.
Friend came for diner (basically my best friend) but he left already. I felt better while he was here. We were discussing things about my recovery and how I’m doing. Don’t have a great feeling, he left already saying he was tired. Feel like all my friendships are under pressure, while I so much long for connection. Maybe I’m no fun to be around with anymore. It is what it is I geus. But brings back a lonely feeling.
Step one might be letting go of all this guilt about your past. You cannot change it, but you don’t have to let it define your future.
I really try, if a friend would come to me I would probably say te same. But find it hard to say it to myself, sometimes it works but only for a short while.
Rome was no built in a day, we all had a lot to repair when we started this journey. Give yourself some grace. In the beginning, for me, it was about celebrating the small wins