Having just moved to a new apartment after a horrible falling out with my former roommates, then having the furniture I had my heart set on not fit into the place, gettinf delivered an ENTIRELY wrong living room set, my mom being suicidal and horrifically drunk the last week because of her awful situation, and my fiance in the midst of a depressive episode, I’ve sat in the parking lot of 2 liquor stores for about an hour each time over the past 2 days… In a gas station I have to have someone with me so I won’t buy alcohol. I feel like everything is so overehelming and all I wanna do is black out til all this goes away… or hit myself and bite myself and cut myself til I draw blood/leave bruises, because I’m in control of that I know that won’t do anything to help in any of these areas, but it seems like at least one thing I can control. I’m so tired of feeling like this stuff is a crutch, but how can I not when it’s always just… There?
Hey Cheyenne; I’m so sorry you’re going through so much, that’s alot to carry. I just wanted to say that the alcohol is always gonna be there; I know what you’re saying but it’s not going away, so we have to change our mindset. It’s not an option to help with your issues. I hope you don’t; it’ll just make you feel awful afterwards, nothing good will come from it.
I’m glad you came here to vent a little. 
This might bot be helpful but its a differant perspective, il leave the alcohol advice to people with the experience, regarding the cutting though you say that its something that you can control but you can also control not harming yourself. If its a matter of having something in your life that you have control over whilst everything seems so overwhelming and out of your hands then just know that you already have some control in deciding not to cut and although I know nothing about this stuff I’m sure that if you were to give in then it would only make it easier for you to rationalise giving in and having a drink.
Just my two pennies worth,I’m happy that you chose to post rather than just acting on these impulses, that in itself is a sign of strength and self awareness, you have taken one of the hardest steps. Keep reaching out.
Your are ok to be overwhelmed,that’s enough on your plate to validate you feeling overwhelmed,but all we can do is work on each issue calmly as possible and get it figured out ,the furniture that’s a totally nightmare but stressing out isn’t Gona change that drinking 
won’t change it so you send it back as it’s there error and get what you asked for,I don’t know the situation with your mum or partner bit it sounds like maybe seeing health care person would somewhat help that ,.try to take a breath your sharing here that’s great is there other supppport you can get away from here like AA or 121 counseling smart recovery there all fantastic network to help you through these strong powerful pulls of not knowing how or what to do with our emotions 
sending you my prayers