Bad night tonight

Emotional Support
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ETA:
Thank you all for your support! I stayed strong, and what did it was me telling myself that the alcohol wasn’t really going to make me feel better; I’d still be upset about it later, but then if I drank, I’d also be upset and disappointed in myself that I gave in.

To answer some questions: I’m trying really hard to believe it wasn’t intentional. It certainly makes more sense that it was unintentional, and I know my sister does love me. But I have pretty long-standing rejection/exclusion issues which make it hard to work thru these types of situations. Especially when, like I mentioned, it REEEEEALLLY came across as an “oh shit, I wasn’t supposed to say that!” moment, coupled with the MoH not saying anything about it when I brought up planning it earlier in the day.

I do plan on bringing it up to my sister and sharing how it made me feel at a later time when I’m not as upset about it still. Nothing good ever comes of discussing this type of thing when emotions are high.

Also, no, I 110% don’t feel that it was to save me from a risky situation as far as my sobriety goes lol. My sister is a good person, very kind, buuut she’s the youngest (and spoiled lol) and so tends to not consider people’s feelings until after the fact.

Thanks again for your support!

/edit

I’m struggling tonight.

My younger sister is getting married in December and we went dress shopping today with our mom, grandma, the other bridesmaid, and her maid of honor (I’m the “matron” of honor bc I’m married, I guess).

Earlier today, I was talking to Jess, the MoH, and aaked if she would be okay with me and my mom planning the bridal shower and she plans the bachelorette party, and she said yeah, no problem.

Fast forward to dinner tonight where it comes out that the bachelorette has been scheduled already for September AND it’s a trip to Sarasota. When I said this was the 1st I was hearing about it, my sister was like, “Oh, I though I texted everyone individually”. Nooope, you didn’t.

The way this came out makes me feel like it was a deliberate choice to exclude me. Its just the three of us in her bridal party, and it was obvious she talked about it with the other two already. How do you not realize you didn’t tell your sister about it? It’s not like we never talk, we’re actually pretty close, or so I thought. And why the fuck didn’t Jess tell me she’d already planned something for the bachelorette party when I brought it up earlier in the day, unless they didn’t want me there and didn’t want me knowing about it?

All I want to do is drink to feel better. I am SO hurt and angry about this. I resent that I’m feeling like I’m back in high school. I just feel really sad…

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Sorry to hear that, but glad you opted to write it down than drink. Just a quick congrats on your time sober, thats big. When im faced with relationships that dont offer light and love i walk away. But drinking about it i wont do, no one has that kind of power over me anymore. Alcohol is childish and wants to drag you down, don’t give it a seat at your table. Keep doing the next right thing.

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Goodness, you are doing so well writing this here instead of drinking, which makes me think that you might feel like you want to drink, but the bigger, stronger part of you does not want to drink at all. I have been in my fair share of weddings in my life, and all of them are DRAMA DRAMA. Did you ask your sister and the maid of honor if they meant to exclude you? It might bring peace of mind to see if there is a story or reason instead of festering inside. Do you want to go to the bachelorette party? If you don’t or are neutral, maybe just skip it and focus on your plans for the shower? Bachelorette parties and sobriety are not always friends. I navigated my own sober. I ended up the designated driver for EVERYONE. And there was DRAMA DRAMA. I would have rather skipped it. I tend to decline all invitations for them. They are all wretched to me. I understand your hurt feeling though because feeling purposefully excluded is awful. I think you need to talk to your sister and get the whole story if you haven’t already. And don’t drink. Drinking over this will just make you feel worse!

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One of the things I do when this feeling creeps in is think: will drinking make me feel better? Did it ever make me feel better? The answer is a resounding NO. Not only did drink not make me feel better, but increased any anxiety I may have had, depressed me even further and had the potential to make me either say something I’d regret or do something that I’d be ashamed of.

As @BLOODSHOTJOKER said above, I just don’t drink anymore as a response to being angry, hurt, disappointed, fristrated. In the end, drinking only hurts me.

I’m really glad you’re writing here instead. We’re here to have your back in moments like these :heart:

About how to handle the situation, I would have been hurt too, but I personally think that bachelorette parties are typically booze-centered, filled with rude and infidelity-infused jokes and to be honest I never understood the point of it (I’m not from the US). Maybe this one is different and doesn’t involve any of this :pray:But maybe having a heart to heart with your sister about her reasons may help? Maybe she wanted to shelter you from a situation that would be too much for you?

A bridal shower is filled with love and thoughtfulness, with wishes for the couple to have their best life…maybe focusing on that may help as well? :blush::heart:

Whatever happens, keep those sober days coming…it is worth it a million times over.

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Do you think that they did this on purpose to exclude you or was it just a miscommunication/misunderstanding?

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Yeah that’s a bit strange of them. I can understand why you would feel that way. For me, drinking would only temporarily numb my pain for a short time, and then make the entire situation worse. I think you’re doing the right thing sharing here instead of drinking. I hope things look better soon. :slightly_smiling_face:

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I understand why you feel left out. You have every right to be sad, angry and hurt. Without drinks you are going to have to sit with those feelings until they’ve been felt. Craft an email, have a good cry, take a walk or scream into a pillow.

Let’s walk through the drink about it option. You could choose to drink. If you drink like I did you will intend on having one. One won’t feel like a big deal so you’ll have another. My evening usually ended anywhere from 5-10 drinks in a sitting. You’ll have a hangover the next day, will have primed the pump for continued drinking and you will wake up in your same situation.

Another drink about it option is you have one and stop for the night. You might think you are cured and can now be a one drink drinker. If you are on a website for addicts this may last one day, or two but I doubt this will be the truth for you.

Please don’t drink about it. Go to bed sober and if that means early so be it.

I am not trying to be presumptuous in any way or tell you what to do. Just sharing some insight into my addict brain and a trick called playing the tape forward.
My vote for you: craft an email, scream into a pillow and go to bed early. Sending you hugs.

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