Im not sure if theres a private thread or if this is appropriate. But im romanticizing using… its been a bit over a week since I messed up. I need horror stories. Bad time stories. Reminders of what it was truly like.
If that isnt allowed just remove this.
I also dont know what category or tag to use here
One time, I threw my husband a surprise birthday party for a landmark birthday, and awoke the next day to vomit all over my bathroom and an ultimatum from him, as I’d ruined the party and embarassed myself in front of our friends by drinking so heavily. I spent my hungover hours scrubbing my bathroom, bandaging SH injuries on my body, and calling my psychiatrist to make a plan.
It’s definitely kosher to reach out while craving and request support of any kind. You’re all good 
At the end of my drinking I was awaiting court for DUI. I promised myself I wouldnt drink and drive. I ended up completely blacking out and drove my jeep to a bar in the neighborhood. I woke up the next morning with a raging head ache, broken nose, a major cut on my forehead, and missing teeth. I looked in the mirror and figured I had got in a fight. I followed a blood trail up the stairs and saw my jeep completely totaled in the driveway. Not sure how I was able to drive home. Apparently I hit a parked 1990s F350 parked on the side of the road going 40-50mph. And I didn’t remember it all.
I checked into a treatment center soon after. Apparently a cop followed my oil and fluids trail from the crash to the house I was staying at. He looked in the window and saw that I was still alive and left. He called me a few weeks after the crash while I was in treatment and asked me to tell him the truth, had I been drinking? I admitted that I was and that I was in treatment. His response was “if every drunk in this town got treatment, this town would be a better place.” He charged me with careless driving but thankfully not another DUI. I got lucky but felt terrible. I knew I could have easily killed somebody that night. That was the 4th vehicle I had totaled while driving drunk.
A drug horror story, I spent 3 months using meth in an abandoned garage in the woods through a Minnesota winter. I had no heat or electricity. Id go to town once a week to get food and water. The water would often freeze solid unless I kept it under the blanket with me. That was a very low point in my life and often thought about suicide.
Thank you guys for sharing those! My mind is replaying my “bad times” now and I needed that.
Ive also woken up to a pissed bed, blood from SH, and vomit all over with a hole punched in the wall ect. Doing so much coke and drinking I decided I needed cold meds to help me fall asleep so I could breathe through my nose. Im lucky to be alive after that time.. although I did shit like that often.
The romance for substances has died. Thank you 
I can relate. Stimulants and alcohol was my go to and i also self harmed and punched walls. I recently had a relapse but I did have over 10 years of good recovery so I will speak on that. Things do get better. We can be successful and live happy lives. It takes time. We have to be willing to do whatever it takes to stay stay sober. What worked for me in the past was going to meetings, working the program, being open and honest with my support group. And it also really helped having an addiction counselor
Yea Ive been almost 22yrs off meth, and I was just short of 9 yrs free of coke when I messed up the other weekend. It would have been 9yrs this Sept. Im not being hard on myself for that at all. I think ill check out the Recovery group this week here too
I can also relate to that. I hadn’t used in meth or amphetamine in probably 13 years and alcohol with coke in 10 years. I went on a week long meth bender and am now 4 days clean.
One night I went to my sister’s house. Nothing out of the norm. Her husband and I were drinking. Shot for shot. She lived 3 houses down at that time so I had walked over. I don’t remember getting home or my husband putting me to bed. The next morning he wakes me frantically because I didn’t get up to my alarm. I was suppose to be in Dallas (an hour and a half away) for a flight for my job. I woke to blood caked in my hair and all over my pillow. I had no idea what happened. The best I can figure out is I went to the bathroom and blacked out on the toilet. I found bloody handprints on the tub which would have been how I got up. I still don’t know if that’s exactly what happened. It’s just what I pieced together based on the blood evidence. Somehow I made my flight but then had to spend a week training a new pharmacy with make up caked on my busted nose. I still have a scar. What I took from the situation— I can’t drink clear liquor cause that wouldn’t have happened if it was whiskey 
This is just one example. I missed time with my mom before she passed because I was too busy drinking and drugging. I drove drunk lots of times and am so grateful I never hurt anyone. I would wake up all the time with bruises and not know where they came from
Drinking and using is not worth it. It will never be worth it.
I deleted my previous posts because it made me sick to read lol
Bad people do bad things to good people and bad people
And
Im sure theres a bad drug deal going on somewhere right now
How do i know?
I know that drugs are sold nightly
Who told me bad people are out there?
The bible
Mentioned here quite a few times from @JasonFisher and @Dazercat. Very wise guys.
Read chapter 3 of the big book. Even if thats all you read.
Im unsure on your stance with AA. what program or anything your involved with. Regardless, chapter three is a powerful tool to shut the mind down when romanticising picking up again. Its in my tool belt for sure. It resonated strongly with me.
Just remember. Your mind will lie to you in your own voice.
OMG This is powerful. 
Many events leading up to my last drunk, but it was prescription meds and cocktails and Prosecco. Don’t remember anything from about two hours in. Woke up next morning as if nothing had happened only to be told a tale of absolute embarrassing, hurtful, mean, abusive, aggressive behaviour from the night before that caused multiple people to cry. On top of that I nearly got arrested for drunk and disorderly. No recollection of anything. Not even a flashback. Complete blackout. It terrified me. I had never been abusive or aggressive before and it felt like a frightening step too far.
Spoke to my psychiatrist the day after. Revised treatment. Joined this community. 
I’m glad reaching out here helped 
Please come back and share whenever you need, never crave alone. You are not alone
My drinking got me out of control countless times. I have so many horrorstories to tell … at some point of drinking I just dont know what I am doing.
Cheated on my exes, drunk text people and discussing senseless topics, fell a thousand times on the floor (at home, at a bar, everywhere) peed in my bed couple of times, made up untrue stories about my life just to get attention, starting fights with my boyfriend, sometimes got violent … when I wad single and out I went home to total strangers, woke up the next morning with blackouts, didnt know where I was…
Yep.. overall I can say i did it all. Oh, yeah I DUI once and crashed my car into another one in the parking lot, then drove away as if nothing happened (no people involved)…
If you know me sober never ever would you believe me what i did. I cant even believe it.
Everytime i thought it cannot get worse…my addiction said: haha, watch me!
I dont want to let that stories rule my life… but i want to remember them until I am gone , thats the perfect proof of what alcohol does to you, your brain, your behaviour. It turns you into the devil… and it IS the devil!
Every drug which changes your personality is extremly dangerous. It can ruin your life and who wants this?? Who wants a life that looks like this? I dont anymore. 10 years of alcohol addiction is enough…I am ready for a boring, healthy and safe life 
Stay strong for your better self.