Guys, I just went through what is probably the WORST day of my life. Hear me out, I’m 52 days in.
About 4 days ago I came down with a flu, so bad that I couldnt think to get out of my house, with a fever of 103. This lasted for about 3 days, and is continuing till today with my fever almost gone.
I got this flu 49 days into my streak. and on the clock; as soon as i got the flu, that night i had an intense sexual dream which led to a wet dream. Now, even though wet dreams are natural, it feels like you have relapsed, i think mainly because your hormones are everywhere. it feels like you fapped one out to porn. and god knows that the anxiety that comes after a relapse is terrible. I spent 2 days in bed, not being able to do anything. While I had the 102 fever I was getting panic attacks around the clock every hour. I was penduluming between trying not to die and wildly hyperventilating. this lasted ALL DAY. I felt so trapped. I couldnt go for a walk, I couldnt meditate, I couldnt sleep. THEN i had another sexual dream which made my anxiety that much worse. I literally thought I was gonna die. I was whispering “what the fuck, what the fuck” while seeping tears. no joke. Never did i think when I quit this addiction this type of day would come. It was horrifying. And I have a test tomorrow and 2 college classes. how the fuck am i supposed to do that i dont know.
Im still going strong though. Fuck i just needed to vent. Hope yall are staying strong too.
