Im not doing well, made 5 months and the burning desire to fall off the wagon is increasing more and more every day, i feel so miserable, like i am a failure and a burden, this time of year is always heavy, but its worse now that i am so broke i can’t do anything for anyone, i feel like my relationship is clocking out, my business is failing, and i am running out of road, i cant shake the depression, and the paranoid thoughts that solidify it in place, everyday i think about drinking and cocain and suicide, im not sure where to go or what to do anymore, i have plans, but it all seems pointless, like its doomed to fail or ill end up offing myself before its able to be real… sorry to be a downer near the holidays, but this is the worst time of year for me personally, trama of abandonment, thinking about those who aint here to be part of it, the urges to use and drink are like stepping out of fire into cold water, the wounds are not healed, and i dont know if they ever will be… thanks for reading…stay strong
It is hard, this time of year especially. I’m having mostly sad days too, my mom recently passed and I’m up here in MA. It hit hard being here and not seeing her.
Life is hard, we do our best and that’s it some days.
Sending a hug, 
You are more than a circumstance; trust the process of Recovery and dedicate your time to Self. Give yourself a break and release the things you have no control over.
We are all rooting for You!
It is not the most wonderful time of the year for everyone. You simply have to give yourself grace and know that this is actually a poetic time of year for things to end or change because a new year can mean a fresh start and new chances for growth and improvement. Try not to focus on the stuff for others and use this time to turn inwards. It is a good lesson- don’t give and give if you have nothing to give. You will leave yourself too depleted, and you won’t have the strength to steer yourself through this. No matter what, remember that drinking and using will only make it worse. I am sure the people in your life would rather have you healthy and here than have a gift. Work on yourself and on having a peaceful (forget happy-just peaceful) holiday.
That sounds heavy, like real heavy. I appreciate you sharing here and reaching out. I don’t know much, but I do know drinking will not help you feel better. Sometimes when I am thinking a lot about suicide I write in my journal. I also try to get outside and take some walks. I am sorry life is so heavy for you right now. I hope you will lean on here more. Sending hugs to you.
Sorry your feeling like that, this time of the year is hard, i try to think of it like its just another day, could you ask your doctor for some help, the one thing i know is if you pick up that depression will spiral very quick and add to suicidal thought anxiety and paranoia, get yourself out into the fresh air for a walk and make yourself a nice meal, remember its only temporary, things will get better, we just have to fight through the bad days to get to the good ones
Hi there,
Im so sorry that you are feeling this way.
Please stay strong, you have come a long way and I promise this will pass.
I hate this time of year as I also miss people ( my parents) that have passed and it just makes me feel so alone. ( even though i have a wonderful partner!)
Im only 10 days sober and I think what you have achieved is marvelous. Drinking won’t change anything, give it a miss and keep going.