Lately things have gotten real tough. It’s been awhile since I’ve posted about something. It feels like I’ve hit a brick wall. Something happened yesterday and it made me realize alot of things. I feel like I don’t belong here. In the last like 2 days or so I’ve wrote 2 different letters. And that what I have been struggling with but I don’t think they will ever been seen I’m not so sure. To most people I’m just your neighborhood teen with problems. I try to make jokes with people, it’s kinda how I cope with being sad and to get me in a happy mood bc if someone is laughing them I’m laughing. But that kinda had backfired on me and instead it fell apart. But I could relate to them in a way. But besides that it’s just been tough. Spent a hour crying yesterday and avoided looking into mirrors. Spent probably a hour today so those mirrors will be dodged. If there’s one thing that came out of today is that my mom found my sister once again but that’s probably it.
That sounds really rough, like you’re in a dark place. Is there something that triggered this? Has something been happening recently?
May some dumb but kinda lost a friend. Not to death or anything. But ig I just fell into a realization why my friendships tend to fail
Does it have to do with the laughing you mentioned in your OP?
Yeah, I thought we were closer so I make jokes to cope or to make people laugh. It can be in awkward environments or just whenever. But they kinda laughed it off and acted like the jokes I were making were doing no harm. Evuently I do die down with the jokes but after I went through another sad phase I come back with jokes to make myself laugh and to keep them around a while longer
It’s nice to laugh - it feels good 
Do you think it might have been a joke that caused this friend to take a step away from you?
They did tell me about it. And said how they didn’t really like them. But they didn’t say anything about it until after a few days. It hurts bc I didn’t know I was hurting them but they didn’t say anything. But it is my fault. I am the main reason why friendships fail. I don’t have good social skills. So jokes are kinda my way out
That sucks to lose a friend. It really sucks 
How do you think they would take it, if you chatted with them & apologized? Do you think they’d at least hear you out?
We talked about it for a bit I guess. After they said they didn’t wanna be my friend anymore. I guess they assumed I wouldn’t care about it and move on. But I do. Yesterday I wrote a long apology. When they said they needed a day or so after the jokes I been making all I said was “k”. Probably came off as I didn’t care but I’m not good with apologies right off the bat… So I needed time to think about my apology. But ig I didn’t have much time. I guess we were never close after all. If they would have told me in the beginning they didn’t like the jokes I was making it would have been fine. I’m not gonna lose sleep over a joke. But they told me they didn’t want to say anything bc they thought it would have hurt me but it really wouldn’t have. After this not sure if making friends is a thing I should partake in anymore. Even my irl friends, kinda just feel like I’m the rebound and there if no one else can hang out.
Dont be to hard on yourself sometimes we say things that offend others an ends some relations. Doesnt mean were bad people like you said its just a way of dealing with certain emotions. Just try be mindful of others and be honest an open about how your feeling. Treat others how we like to be treated, some people are more sensitive than others and just a little joking around can hurt their feelings. Some may be ridiculed and verbally abused by there parents so it can be traumatic when they hear it from the people they trust to be friends?