Been thinking a lot this week of a ton of moments when I’ve been ashamed of myself the day after drinking. Falling off chairs, getting too drunk to walk out of a public place without assistance. Blackouts and the kids mention conversations we’ve had but I truly don’t remember.
I’ve been craving wine this week. Maybe it’s my conscience trying to convince me not to drink? I don’t know? It’s weird
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Cravings do fade. Don’t let the embarrassment of past actions define who you are today, but it can be helpful when you’re feeling the pull!
You’re doing good. I look up what alcohol does to our bodies and that helps.
I was thinking the other day how much alcohol has wreaked havoc on people for centuries or longer! It’s just not worth it.
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Those thoughts will sometimes pop up. I just went past my daughter’s old nursery school and cringed at the amount of times I picked her up drunk. (Walking) They must have known. Use it as fuel to be a different person 
. You ARE a different person already.
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Everyday my conscience reminds me of a list of my regrets mistakes, and embarrassing moments like a bad bloopers reel, 
But its like that old guy said
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” – George Santayana, The Life of Reason, 1905.
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When i start thinking about my past and all the shameful things drugs made me do, i sort of relate that to my addiction trying to pull me back in. Addiction/alcoholism ia very sneaky. Due to these thoughts about my past, i begin feeling emotions such as guilt, or shame or embarassment… those emotions are what i used to try and run from with drugs. So when i read ur post, it made me think about that. Maybe the reason why ur craving wine is bcuz of these emotions ur feeling due to ur past. A huge part of recovery for me has been completely changing my thinking. Challenging those thoughts, self affirmations, postive thinking and gratitude lists 
they have really helped to keep my mind more focused on the positive. Remembering that all i have is today.
If i have 1 foot in the past and 1 foot in the future, i am pissing all over today lol stay in the present moment and thats where the joy is at!
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I found the program of AA especially helpful in this regard. I came to believe that everything was going to be alright. I trusted what I could not see. With that faith backing me up, I made the venture into cleaning my emotional and spiritual house. And once I told another person, in confidence, absolutely all of my shames and guilty deeds and all my sorrow and self-justification, and he listened and accepted me and my faults, then I was free of them.
The promise is given, if we are painstaking about our development, that we will not regret the past, we will not have to close the door on it, we will be able to use our experience to help the next drunk trying to get sober. That promise has been fulfilled for me. I’m not broadcasting my past life all over Facebook, that’s for sure, but if it helps you, I will share it with you. Because of what I did, I am who I have become. Sober, serene, secure.
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