I’m not even quite sure where or how to even ask for help. A little background on the situation. My boyfriend, I currently had to leave, due to staying sober myself, had been together for a year in 2019. We went through so much in the time with our addiction together that i thought we could get sober together. Unfortunately, that was not the case. I got sober 7-18-2020, and it was the following year in june he got sober. I helped him get the ride he needed to stay alive. He was doing amazing. Great job, a vehicle, up for a promotion. He decided to move back from Florida to be with me. I told him we could make the distance work for the time being. I loved him until the time was right we could do this. He felt a different way. He moved back to NY, and things were ok. Difficult intergrating things at first because we didn’t know the sober version of each other living together. 2 times, he decided to go missing. He had no contact with me, and i was worried sick. The second time it happened, i presented him with a drug test that he refused to take. I knew deep down in my gut he relapsed. With this being said, my love for him is so great that i will admit i would relapse with the man. For my sobriety, my kids and myself, i had to kick him out. I love him. i just want to know why he chose the drugs over me. Being an addict of 15 years, i know i can’t say i will never relapse peer pressure is what got him. It hurts so much. I dont know what to do and how to move on, knowing he is still out there getting high when im fighting nightmares of me getting that phone call. I can’t have him around for the sake of my own sobriety. I dont know what to do.
I think you know what you have to do but are struggling with acceptance. Do whats best for you and your kids. Find a sober community to lift you up.
We are here for you
I agree this is a tough one… I also agree with the replies that acceptance is what you are struggling with. Being an addict yourself, I suspect you understand that it’s NOT a choice we have control over. Sometimes, we’re just not ready and we don’t even know it. Also, it’s not personal. I’m working on not taking things personally, right now in my recovery. Due to having had so many traumas throughout my life and being the one too lash out at the person in in my path, when it’s my anger and pain, trying to deal with the turmoil inside. I understand it’s not personal, it’s just timing. I would suggest trying to work on not taking things personal and surrounding yourself with other people working a good program, to help lift you up and out of your head and heart. Good luck! I’m rooting for you!
I think that you did exactly the right thing. I know it wasn’t the easiest thing but it was the right thing. Maybe someday he’ll clean up and things will work out but for now it’s time to move on like they will not, I say this because of this 
There is nothing healthy that’s worth giving up your sobriety for. As others have said it’s the acceptance part you seem hung up on, you’re doing the right things to protect yourself. Best wishes
You did the right thing by throwing him out. It’s not that he doesn’t love you, it’s the addiction that’s consuming his every move. Protecting your sobriety at all costs is what’s needed and what you’re doing. Go you! All you can do is be there to give him guidance and support when he’s ready.
The love for yourself has to be greater than your love for another person. Absolutely nobody is worth giving up your sobriety.